Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Christmas and New Years

I want to start this post off by saying thanks to everyone for the comments.  We have picked a therapist and I am planning to make an appointment with him after the beginning of the year.  I still have not heard back from my RE about the antiovarian antibodies test they did.  So, I am going to have to give them a call. 

I went for an appointment with my acupuncturist today and he didn't charge me!  My back has been hurting so he focused on that and gave me an adjustment because he has training in chiropractic treatment as well.  He gave me a massage and it felt so good...he is pretty aggressive, but sometimes that is what it takes!

We had a really nice Christmas!  We went to our Christmas Eve service at our church.  My in-laws came and we went to IHOP afterwards.  Then, we went to my husband's extended family gathering, which is at his cousins' house that live pretty close to us, on Christmas day.  It's always good to see everyone that comes to that.  The day after Christmas, we went to my husband's sister's house with his parents and did our gift exchange.  We both got some good gifts.

Yesterday, I went shopping with two of my girlfriends.  It was a lot of fun.  We all got some very good deals.  I am always interested in the semi-annual sales at Bath & Body Works and Yankee Candle.  But, the mall we went to has a whole store devoted to BBW candles, so I didn't even go to Yankee.  I was so proud of myself for avoiding that one store.  The Loft had 50% off your entire purchase!  I could have gotten carried away, but even at 50% off, that stuff is still kind of expensive.  I got two sweaters, a pair of slacks, and a pair of tights for $100.  I got my hubby a super cute sweater at Banana Republic.  I cannot pass that store without checking out the men's clearance rack.  Old Navy jeans were $15/pair!  Well, I know you don't want all the details of my shopping trip, but obviously I am still riding on the post-shopping high!

So, what is everyone doing for New Years?  We are going to some friends' house with our small group from church.  We are going to eat lots of good food, play fun games, and hang out.  I am making my famous non-alcoholic margaritas (it's lime-aid, sprite, and ice blended together).  Then, on New Year's Day, we are celebrating Christmas with my dad and his wife and my sister and her husband. 

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas and will have a Happy New Year!  Be safe and warm!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Here's the Story

I have been pretty quiet lately.  I have been trying to leave comments.

Here is what happened when we went into the RE for our follow up:

The RE told us that my ovaries and hormones were slow to respond to the drugs.  Yes, they did use an aggressive protocol since they had done an IUI with us with injectables already.  Once the eggs were fertilized, the embryos were slow to grow.  They don't know why.  He thinks that there is a mind-body connection and I am too stressed out.  I obviously do not trust his team and I was fighting them the whole way.  Yes, it is  okay to ask questions.  (This is what I asked because I couldn't tell why he thought I was "fighting" them when I did everything they said, I've done everything everyone has said for crying out loud).  No one on my team wants to work with you any more (Okay, so he said there were a couple of people who didn't like me, but still).   I am not willing to go forward with a second cycle until you go see a therapist.  I could tell from the first day you walked into my office that you had issues, just the look on your face reflects all kinds of anger and hostility {but I took your $15K anyway and put you through the treatments even though I thought it wouldn't work}.  Maybe you should go somewhere else and get a second opinion, {even though I already took your money and you will have to save up for another year to pay for treatment elsewhere}. 

The stuff in brackets and parenthesis is mine.  I cannot argue that I have a lot of stress and that I do not always deal with it the best.  However, I feel like I hide it well.  I can feel extremely angry at a coworker and have an entire conversation with them. Then, if I ask them later if I was rude, they say no.  Our controller laughs at me if I give someone a hard time jokingly because "she's the nicest person in the department."  I don't necessarily agree with her, but I also don't think I am a horrible person to be around. 

So, we are looking at therapists.  It is true that I don't have much trust for doctors.  However, I respect them.  I do ask a lot of questions. My care is my responsibility and I want to make sure they aren't confusing me with the last 5 people they've seen going through whatever it is I am going through.  I like to make sure they've considered everything - especially if they tell me something that is different from what they've told me before.

I am extremely nervous (big surprise) about going to a therapist.  Have any of you ever been?  We had to go for a 1 hour appointment before beginning IVF and it was a waste of time. All she did was get our infertility history. We didn't get into any feelings, stress, etc...

To be honest, I spend more time stressing about things than I should.  It would be a relief to learn how to not do that.  I am just unsure of what to expect and how much to expect. 

Will we go back to this RE?  I don't know.  My husband wants to because we've already signed up for the 2-cycle deal (basically 2 for the price of 1).  And, while they've offered to refund us anything we paid over, I doubt there will be much leftover since we're basically getting a free second cycle.  Maybe I could go to another doctor/nurse team in the same practice, but I am sure that the RE would have talked about me.  So, I wouldn't have a clean slate.

So, that's where we are.  My husband has been pretty quiet.  I asked him point blank if the thought before now that I needed therapy and he said that he never thought I was that bad but at times I do have a hard time dealing with stress, especially regarding anything medical.  He has been awesome in taking the responsibility to seek out a therapist on my insurance closer to where we work/live than down town.  Because driving out that way would be way stressful.

I have also dropped the gluten free diet, which I was always unsure of whether or not it was helping me.  I feel no difference.  I am still planning to do the dairy free until I can get to an allergist and get their opinion.  I ate cheese pizza on Saturday though and didn't get sick at all.  No bloating, no upset stomach, nothing.  My husband thought the gluten free and dairy free was more stressful than it was worth, and too expensive, if we can't tell a difference.

Sorry for the length.  I just needed to get it out there.  Hopefully my story will help someone else.  For now, we aren't doing anything.  We're just enjoying having unplanned sex!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Still Here

I am still here.  I have been avoiding the blog-land lately.  I have a story to tell from our follow up with the RE but I am not ready to tell it yet.  I don't know how.  But, until then, I hope that everyone stays safe and warm.  We have had some snow today and when I woke up this morning the weather man said we'd already had our high.  I looked at our indoor-outdoor thermometer and it said 44 degrees F.  Have I mentioned that I live in GA?!  Nothing is sticking yet, but I hate the idea of it.  I love snow and it also scares me.  I feel that excited feeling I always felt when I was a kid and I love the beauty of it.  But, now that I am all grown up, I also realize the danger or driving to work at 6 in the morning with all the other GA drivers who don't know how to drive in the snow.  It's 27 degrees F right now. Brrrr...

But, I digress.  I hope that everyone enjoys the weather and stays safe.  :)

Monday, December 6, 2010


I good friend of  mine from college lost a baby this week. She had already had all her showers.  I am not sure exactly how far along she was, but pretty far.  I had been feeling the usual feelings of happiness for her and sadness that we weren't there.  This is what she posted on FB:

"Baby "B" went to meet Jesus this week. We don't understand why, but we will always cherish her as our beautiful baby girl. She entered the world weighing 5lb. 10 oz. and measuring twenty-one and a quarter inches. She is at peace and is dancing at the feet of Jesus."
This girl has always been an admirable person.  She is so strong in her faith.  I am praying that I can have this faith.  Please pray for my friends at this time.  Seeing this sent my mind reeling and my heart just broke.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Thank you

Thank you all for the touching comments.  It really does mean a lot for so many of you to reach out and let me know you care.  I have been back at work since Tuesday and just trying to "act normal."  I am also dealing with all kinds of confusing emotions as well.  I am extremely nervous about my RE follow-up, which is next Wednesday right before lunch.  It's completely illogical, I know.  I am a really bad worrier.  It's very sinful to do that, but I get it honest.  I come from a long line of women who over-worried, were paranoid, and probably bi-polar.  I feel like I am working on it because I can recognize that I am a little crazy so I have won half the battle in that, right?  But, really, I am mostly sane, most of the time.  :)

I am so happy to see all the BFPs that have happened this month.  I truly am.  I am thankful that the Lord has allowed me to continue to remain joyful for those who get pregnant.  I am ashamed that my joy is often marred by my own sadness that I am not joining the ranks of "the pregnant ladies."  It's so selfish to feel that way, I know.  So, I try to squash it.  But, it's still there.  Seething below the surface. 

I loved this post by Mel that she posted today.  I agree that I would rather choose fire than ice.  But, there have been a few showers I have skipped.  Or, usually I make other plans so I have an excuse not to go. 
I don't skip church though.  My church is family-integrated and there are only two married couples besides my husband and I that don't have kids yet.  One family has one child.  Two have two.  The rest - they range from 3 (the young couples) to 8.  One family has just announced they are expecting their 9th.  We are technically non-denominational, but most of us came from other Baptist churches and we support the SBC cooperative program (which is awesome, if you ever want to know where to give). (Just to give you some background, in case you were wondering).

Anyway, I may be a spotty blogger in the next week, but please don't think I've disappeared.  Or, that I am not really truly happy for those that are getting their miracles.  You are in my prayers as I recognize that now you have a new set of worries.

Monday, November 29, 2010


I heard from my nurse.  My beta was negative.  She said that my RE and the embryologist are going to go over all the information on us and she'll give me a call later in the week to schedule an appointment to meet with the RE and go over things.  I guess I am really not shocked by this given the state of our embryos and the fact that they were willing to put back 3.  The plan we bought was for 2 cycles, but I am not starting another cycle until I have more testing done.  The RE told me before this cycle that he didn't think that immune testing and such told them a lot and even when it did rarely was there anything they could do or did it change their protocol.  I trust my doctor, but I don't think that was a good answer.  I have been reading a lot of blogs since then and I know of at least 2 bloggers who have had immune testing done, made medicine/lifestyle changes because of it, and gotten pregnant.  So, don't tell me it doesn't make a difference.  I am glad that I took today off.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


I cannot believe I have made it this whole time without POAS.  My IVF buddy, the Baby Baker, did this  morning and she got a positive!  Yay!  Go over and congratulate her!

I am really praying for peace and to not be anxious.  I really want a positive test.  I just don't know how to feel or how to pray or how to think or how to not be anxious!  I know that was a grammatically incorrect sentence - so sorry.

We've almost finished putting up our Christmas decorations.  My husband got a new version of Rock Band this weekend for his birthday and he is currently playing that.  Maybe after dinner we can either play together or watch a movie. 

I don't know how I will feel tomorrow either way.  I know I'll obvious be happy for a positive, but will I laugh, cry, run around the house jumping for joy?  I just don't know.  Anything is possible.  What will I do if it's negative?  Will I just take it and be like, "oh well"?  Will I be able to make it through the conversation with the nurse before I start crying?  Will I be able to call my husband with the news?  I am just so glad I took a vacation day tomorrow.  I know I wouldn't get anything done at work. 

I know that God has a plan for me.  I just do not know what that is.  It may be for me to be pregnant right now.  It may be for me to be pregnant in three years from now.  It may be for us to adopt, but I certainly don't feel that right now.  His plan may be for us to live child free.  Whatever the Lord wants for us, we will still have joy in being one of His elect. 

Thanks for reading my spastic post.  Until tomorrow...

Thursday, November 25, 2010

What I Am Thankful For

Update - 9dp3dt

Today is 9dp3dt for me.

I want to record how I have been feeling:

I was constipated, but that has passed. I thought that was why I was bloated, and while I am less bloated, I am still somewhat bloated. 

I am still having cramps off an on.  Some of them are no big deal, but I have had a couple of doozies.  Luckily, they pass quickly.

I have been kind of emotional.  Like, I want to cry at tv shows, etc...  But, that started around the same time that my Vivelle dots started, so I don't know.

Speaking of Vivelle patches, I put my third one on today.  I am changing them every other day.  OUCH!  Removing that thing is super painful.  I'd rather do a subcutaneous inject.  And, you know about my anxiety with needles.

I have been really thirsty.  I am trying to drink a lot of water.

I am feeling calm for the most part, yet I just really can't wait until Monday.  At the same time, I don't want Monday to come.  I can't stand the thought of not being pregnant.  But I feel hopeful.  At the same time, as soon as I feel hopeful, I want to squash it.  The less I hope the less I hurt.  But, obviously I have some hope because I keep not shopping for new clothes. 

So, that's about it.  We're keeping busy.  We've seen the new Harry Potter movie twice, once on the regular screen and once on the IMAX!  I really want to go see Tangled too, but I doubt we'll be able to before Monday.  Tomorrow, we are having my family over for my husband's and BIL's birthday celebrations.  My husband's birthday is today and my BIL's is in January, so we don't want to celebrate it at Christmas.  Saturday, we are having lunch with my husband's parents for his birthday then coming  home, getting out Christmas decorations, and then watching the UGA/GT football game (well, okay, he'll be watching, I'll be decorating).  Then, Sunday is church and then Monday morning is the test!  AHHHHH!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Am I Being Paranoid?

I have been having some cramping off and on today. Every month, about a week before AF comes, I have cramping. I hope this isn't a bad sign. Can you have cramping after implantation that is a symptom of pregnancy? The nurse told us that the embryos would implant within 24-48 hours of the transfer, so this is too late for implantation cramping. I am trying to not freak out. I am.

Drippings with Goo

Do you all remember this scene at the end of Ghostbusters II?

I have always loved these movies.  This morning, I could feel the Endometrin running out of me (I know, disgusting TMI) and this is the first saying I thought of:  "Why am I drippings with goo?"

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Happy ICLW!

It's already ICLW again!  I can't believe it.  This is really only my second time participating in ICLW, but I have been a "blurker" (blog lurker) for a while. 

Just to give you a little back story on my TTC journey:  my husband and I have been TTC since December 2007.  I have had 4 IUIs, 2 REs, and am currently in the 2WW from my first IVF cycle.  I have also seen a naturopath/nutritionist and two acupunturists. 

Right now we are just praying that our three little embryos have snuggled in and are healthy and thriving in their nice thick lining.  Today I started the Vivelle patches.  I am going to change them everyt other day.  So, I hope that they don't get too gross in the shower.

My RE's nurse said that I needed to come in for a test 12 days after my 3dt.  That would be the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  So, I am going in on Monday, 11/29 for my beta.  I am nervous, excited, scared to death, and I don't know what else.

My acupunturist said to give him a call after I get the results of my beta and we'd make a plan from there.  I just hope I've done everything I can.  I eat pretty healthy and I am on a gluten free/dairy free diet.  I eat mostly chicken and vegetables.  But, I did eat burgers (with no bun of course) and fries a couple of times.  Well, there's nothing I can do about it now. 

I have rambled enough!  I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Embryo Update

Well, here they are, our three little embryos that were transferred on Tuesday, in all their 4-celled glory!

It's been almost a week since my egg retrieval and 3 days since my 3dt.  I do feel like this week has flown by.  I definitely have mixed emotions.

I am still feeling very tender in the ovary area.  When I have to pee, it is pretty painful.  I have been constipated, which is irritating.  The RE told me to take Colace and it has been helping some, but it is causing some stomach pains.  Some of them are really strong.  At least, I guess that's what that is. 

The RE's office called this morning and told me that the 4 embryos that they were watching, the ones that arrested then started growing again, had stopped growing and they were not intending to freeze any of them.  I thought that I had prepared myself for that, but I felt just as crushed as I did the first time they told us they'd stopped growing on day 2.  Four little lives ended.  Also, now all of our eggs are in one basket, literally.  I really hope at least one of these embryos feels as attached to me as I do to them. 

Then, I got in my car today to leave and my RE had called and left me a message.  Like the actual doctor.  He was just calling to check on me.  I was kind of sad I missed the call. 

So, we're just praying.  We're praying for God's will to be done.  I am trying to trust in the Lord and rest in the truth that His plan is the very best thing for me, no matter what my will is.  I am praying that I can glorify him through this whole process.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Transfer Complete!

We had the transfer this morning.  I had already drunk a lot of water this morning before we even got there and we got there 45 minutes before the scheduled transfer time.  So, I went to the bathroom first thing.  I wasn't sure I'd even make it up there.  Then, I sat there and drank 2 more 16.9 oz bottles of water.  The lady from the lab came and gave us the picture of our embryos and said that they were all three 4 cells, which is the low end of normal.  They wanted to transfer all three.  We had to talk about that for a while because that is a huge risk.  But, she said that they wouldn't suggest it if they thought our chances of having triplets was high.  The chance was probably less than 5%.  That makes me wonder what our chances of getting pregnant at all are with 3 4-cell embryos.  The good news is that the other 4 little embryos have begun to cleave, so they are watching them to see if they turn into blasts and if they do, we'll freeze them! 

I found the transfer to be extremely uncomfortable, almost painful because of how full my bladder was.  However, the actual transfer was not.  It was kind of painful when he threaded the catheter with the embryos in there because it hit the side of my uterine wall, and I didn't realize he was still sticking stuff up in there.  He really didn't tell me anything he was doing, which I thought was dumb.  He kept surprising me and making me jump because I wouldn't be expecting whatever it was I was feeling.  Is it really a great idea to surprise someone who is laying on a table with her rearend hanging off, legs spread, over your feet with a full bladder under the pressure of a speculum and an ultrasound monitor?  No.  I think not. 

But, I am not pregnant until proven otherwise!  I am really excited and nervous.  I am taking it easy today and my blood test for the beta testing is Nov. 29 at 7:30.  I'm not sure when they're supposed to call us about our other 4 embryos, so we are going to call them in a day or two.

I'll scan the picture of our embryos and post them later.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Transfer tomorrow

I just talked to my nurse.  We only have three normally growing embryos left.  The others have arrested growth and are only 1-2 cells.  I am happy that we still have 3, but crushed that so many have died.  If our cells don't mesh well together can we ever acheive a pregnancy?  If this doesn't work, I don't care what the doctor says, I want to be tested.  I want to know the answer.  I am praying that it works though. 

The transfer is at 8am tomorrow morning.  Prayers are appreciated.


I am trying to be productive while waiting to hear from the nurse, but it is almost impossible.  I hope I don't get fired.  I'll try to update as soon as I've told my husband what's going on.  I'm praying for good news!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Fertilization Report

While I was typing that fun post about our wonderful kitties, the nurse called with our fertilization report!  My heart started pounding!!

Of the 9 eggs we got yesterday, 7 fertilized the conventional way.  I was kind of surprised because I was thinking maybe the reason we weren't getting pregnant is that sperm just wasn't penetrating egg.  But, I guess we have definitely learned that that's not it, at least not this time.  My regular nurse will call us tomorrow with an update and a transfer date.  The nurse didn't know what was wrong with the two that didn't fertilize, but I will ask tomorrow because I want to know as much as we can. 

Seven is a good number.  I really would not want to have more than that, but of couse, we would take whatever God gives us.  We have very strong feelings about life. We know that once sperm meets egg, that is a life that God has created in his own image.  So, we have every intention of using every embryo that survives unless that becomes physically impossible, in which case we'll allow them to be adopted. 

I am really excited about what we've heard.  I started the Endometrin vaginal suppositories this morning.  My lining is nice and thick and I want to keep it that way.  Because I have a history of having a thinnish lining, I don't want that to be the problem and to have gone through all this for nothing.  I feel like everything that we can do, we have done it or are doing it.  It's all in God's hands, as it has been all along. 

I interrupt this regularly scheduled infertility blog...

I am sitting here trying to patiently await the call from the nurse to get our fertilization report.  I am not sure what time they usually call.  But, I can't wait to hear!  I am really excited!  My husband was really excited this morning too.  He said that he hoped he could concentrate on church and not think about what we'd hear.  I tend to dwell on things so I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep thinking about everything that happened and that annoying anesthetist.  But, every time I realized I was getting all tense, I would just pray. 

I thought I would share with you all our sweet furkids while I wait.  They are really the most purr-fect cats ever!  I have our two boys sitting on either side of me right now as I type.  We have had them since June of 2005.  They were about 12 weeks old when we got them; they are from the same litter.  They are the sweetest, smartest cats ever.  Maxwell is our sleek, solid black cat.  He is like a panther, a natural-born killer and so beautiful.  He is so loving and definitely a mama's boy.  He likes for me to lean over when I pet him so that my hair falls down and he walks through my hair and sniffs it.  Sometimes he'll be purring while he's sniffing it and his mouth comes open and it's just so loud.  I think it's really sweet.  Sampson is the typical fat cat.  I call him our Kliban cat.  He is black and white and some of the pads on his toes are pink and some are black.  I think that's so cute.  He's so laid back and LOVES to be brushed.  So much so that when he's around, we have to spell the word or he starts meowing adamantly.  Also, we have a brush on the side of our tub for them and while you're petting him he walks over to it, sniffs it, then turns and looks at you.  It really is heart-melting.  Sampson and Maxwell are huge cats.  They each weight just under 15 pounds and they aren't overweight.  They are really well-behaved.  We have tons of bird feeders and chairs close to the windows so the cats can watch birds when they are tired of playing with the gajillion toys we have provided for them.  They have never really caused a lot of havoc - not even with our Christmas tree.  They do like to steal flash drives and hide them though.

Along comes Mathilda.  My husband's boss found her as a teeny tiny kitten under a bush in the snow this past January.  One girl took her home but couldn't keep her so she kept bringing her back to work and of course my husband fell under her spell.  She really was a beautiful kitten - hard to resist.  She has turned our world upside down.  She is hyper and crazy.  Just a ball of energy.  The boys usually go crazy and run like wild-cats for about 15-30 minutes around 9pm each night.  Mathilda is just non-stop.  But, when she sleeps, she sleeps and when she wants attention, she gets it.  We all love her, even the boys.

Now that I have bored you with talk about our kitties, I will steal your heart with pictures of them and all their beautiful adorableness.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Egg Retrieval

My egg retrieval was this morning.  I am doing pretty well.  I really want to sleep but I can't.  We got 9 eggs!   I am excited but a little nervous about the fertilization report tomorrow.  I have had some pain, but not anywhere near as much as I expected.  I have taken Tylenol twice and been drinking a lot of water.  My husband felt like his part went pretty successfully.  I am always worried about that, too.  We want lots of little swimmers!  I am really praying that we are successful and don't have to go through this again.  We'll find out on Monday whether we're having a day 3 or a day 5 transfer (so that's Tuesday or Thursday).

I have decided to not go to church tomorrow morning for a few reasons.  First, I want to make sure I am feeling okay.  Next, I don't want to miss the call for my fertilization report.  Lastly, it's our niece's 9th birthday tomorrow and we're going out to Marietta to celebrate her birthday tomorrow after church and I want to feel well-rested and able to go to that since we won't see them at Thanksgiving and I want to see her open her gifts.

Here is my take on today:

I feel like the anesthetist should be replaced.  She put the IV in the crook of my arm and I really didn't think they usually did that since people generally like to bend their arms and all (not that I'm a medical person or anything, but really...).  Then, she kept lecturing me on how I needed to work on my anxiety issues because I was making things much more complicated and dramatic than they needed to be.  Because that's going to make me feel more calm and taken care of.  I wanted to suggest that she shut up and do her job and let me sit there and hyperventilate and pass out.  As I walked over to the procedure room she said, "We're here to take care of you and you don't trust us."  That was probably the understatement of the day.  I have spent most of my life being told that doctors can't be trusted and medical people will run all over you.  My mom had a near fatal car accident when I was 5 and she eventually had so many surgeries over the years and was in so much pain she committed suicide (when I was 19).  That's all I've ever heard is that doctors don't think of us as real people.  I have worked very hard to not believe that.  I don't necessarily think it's the doctors that act that way for the most part, personally.  I think it's the support staff (some of them, definitely not all - I've met some really caring MAs, nurses, and NPs).  There were two nurses who were super nice but the first person we met really needed to work on her bedside manner.  I think she was a nurse, but I am not sure because she never even introduced herself to us.  We had been told to get there at 7 and got there just at 7 and had someone from the back area let us in and we sat for about 20 minutes waiting for someone from the IVF area to get there.  Then, she just wasn't very...I don't know...but she made me feel automatically nervous and defensive.  Then, apparently there was a communication issue, so the doctor was not there until about 8:15, 15 minutes after my "perfectly timed retrieval" was supposed to start.

The positive is that it's over.  I can lay back down and try to sleep again because it feels much better when I am laying on my side than when I am sitting up.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Tomorrow's the Day

Well, tomorrow is the big day.  I have been feeling a strong urge to barf all day.  I am not sure if it's nerves or maybe side effects from the HCG trigger (I haven't googled it so I am not sure).  But, I am definitely feeling extremely uncomfortable.  I am hoping that my ovaries aren't enlarging out of control and that it's just a bit of gas (I know, TMI).  I survived the trigger last night.  I only had a small teeny panic attack, but I got over it.  It wasn't that bad, I guess.  I just hope I can behave myself tomorrow.  I tend to lose control in situations of high stress, especially if there are doctors and/or needles involved.

I am really praying that this is the only time we have to go through this.  I will be heartbroken if we go through all this and it doesn't work. 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

What I Missed

I talked to my nurse this afternoon.  I had to get the time to trigger and the time for my arrival and egg retrieval time.  I asked about all the stuff I was too busy focusing on not peeing to remember.

Estrogen - 1,952
R - 19.5, 18, 15.5, 15.5
L - 25, 22.5, 21.5, 20, 17.5, 13, 12
Lining - 10.5mm

So, everything seems to be on track.

I am really wishing I had taken tomorrow off.  I have already told my boss that I am taking either next Tuesday or Thursday off.  I don't want to be thinking about work on transfer day!

Trigger Tonight

So I had lots of mature-looking follies so I am going to trigger tonight.  I didn't get the counts and sizes today because they left me in the room waiting for 15 minutes and by the time he did the u/s, I had to pee.  So, the u/s was very uncomfortable - more so than usual. 

The dr. said Saturday's retrieval should be "eggs"ceptional.  ha. ha.

I do not want to be at work today.  I am hating work right now anyway and having this all going on makes me very unmotivated and distracted.

The good news is that when the nurse drew my smiley face yesterday for the HCG trigger, she said I only needed a 1 inch needle and gave me a couple of those.  I feel much less stressed about the trigger now.  The bad news is that now I am focused on the IV and the retrieval and even more stressed.  I hope my husband can stay with me right up until they take me into the retrieval room b/c I am going to be a mess, I am sure.

Acupuncture tomorrow afternoon. 
I need to focus on being positive. 
I need to focus on the gospel and Christ's love.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Wednesday Update

I had another monitoring appointment this morning and it looks like I will not trigger until Thursday unless I hear differently from the nurse.  Of course, she'll call me either way, but things are always subject to change.  This stinks b/c my husband has a free ticket to the Falcons game on Thursday and he won't be able to go because he has to give me the trigger shot.  There's no way I could do this myself. I can't even give myself the subcutaneous shots.  The nurse went ahead and drew a nice cute smiley face on the upper part of my rear before I left, just in case.  She gets too much joy in drawing those things.  Really.

I just heard from her as I was typing this up.  She said that my estrogen is 1530 and that they do want to see  me tomorrow to see if we'll trigger.  My husband is on the fence on whether to go ahead and give away his ticket or wait.

Follice count was good, and the RE even turned it around and showed me since I wasn't in as much discomfort as I was on Monday. 

R - 16.5, 13, 13, 13
L - 17.5, 19, 22.5, 13, 17.5, 15
Lining 9.5mm!

So, I think he wants to give the smaller ones a chance to catch up.  I am starting to feel really nervous.  The nurse told me to relax and not get worked up and I wanted to hit her.  But, I just looked at her and flared my nostrils, gave a small smile, and walked away. 

Monday, November 8, 2010

We're Still In the Game!!

Things went pretty well at the RE today.  Less follies than he'd like but still 5-6 that were "measurable".  I thought my ovaries were going to pop while he did the u/s, really.  I am still doing 300 Gonal-f and 75 Menopur w/ no Lupron and I'll go back on Wednesday, so it's looking like a Friday retrieval or later since we need 36 hours after trigger and they always to retrievals in the morning, which is fine with me.  I am excited and scared and I really don't want to work.  So much so that I forgot my computer today and am working with a loaner.  Yuck!  So much to do.  I wanted to check in though!  Thanks for checking!


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Keeping It Positive

I have been keeping a positive attitude.  I agree with my commenters and my husband that I need to just focus on what the RE said to me personally more than what the nurse said.  Plus, I really feel like things are going on down there.  My pants aren't tight or anything but I am definitely feeling some "different-ness" in that area.  I am not upset that my pants aren't tight or taking that as a bad sign because I am aware that I have less eggs that a lot of people do. Even if my follicles get huge, it still won't feel as bad as someone with 21 eggs.  But I would say I am feeling mild discomfort.  Last night I went to a member of my small group's house for a bonfire for our small group and I was holding one of my friend's just over one-year-old.  He's so cute, he kept taking off my hat and then wanting me to put it back on so he could take it off again.  Anyway, I am getting off subject - well, afterwards, I was thinking I wished I hadn't because it made me feel a little more uncomfortable.  I am looking forward to tomorrow because I just can't stand the wait any longer.  I am going to kick up the prayers tonight for sure. 

Friday, November 5, 2010

Not so Happy Friday

My appointment today did not go well.  I have more follicles this time - 4 on the right that are about 8mm and 4 on the left that are 8mm and 1 that's 11mm.  He said that he was going to up my meds and when I asked him when he thought the retrieval would be, he said it would be Wed. or Thurs.  I mentioned that I wasn't responding well and he said that he didn't think things were going that badly.  But, when I went in to talk to the nurse, she told me that they don't want to see me back until Monday and that if my follicles hadn't grown any, Dr.  P would more than likely cancel my cycle.  So, I was kind of blown over because the doctor was all optimistic and the nurse was all doom and gloom.  And frankly it freaked me out.  I have been very upset all day.  I am just not sure what to think.  All I know is that I need to not worry about it.  I know that God is in control and His will will be done.  I know that.  But, it's still hard not to worry. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Results Are In

I had my monitoring scan today.  3 on the left less than 8mm; 3 on the right less than 8mm; lining a 3.  Estrogen 108.  I think that the number of follicles is less than they wanted to see, so they have upped my Gonal-f from 187 per night to 225 per night, still doing 5 units Lupron and 75 Menopur.  I hope this does the job. I ordered more Gonal-f since I'll be using one every 2 days now.  That stuff is SO expensive.  But, it will be worth it when we get pregnant this time.  :)

I had acupuncture today too and he puts a needle between my eyes (he kind of pinches the skin then pushes it at a downward angle, so it's kind of parallel to my forehead.  Anyway, that one gave me a headache today.  I was so glad I didn't plan to go back to work because I still have a headache and I took an hour-long nap when I got home!  I woke up to a 15 pound cat putting all his weight on my stomach with one little paw.  Ouch.  But, it was sweet that he wanted to check on me.  His brother had already taken the spot next to my legs and out new little girl kitty had to jump up there too to get in on the action.  Sweetest.kitties.ever.

Monday, November 1, 2010


I will warn you that this "quick post" has turned out to be kind of long.  You're a trooper if you read to the end.

Well, tomorrow is my second ultrasound of this cycle. 

TMI coming up...

I am a bit nervous because when I went in last Friday, while he said everything looked good, he couldn't see my left ovary because he said I should have gone to the bathroom before I came.  Really?  I had just gone.  But, now I feel all nervous it won't be any different.  I am probably not getting enough fiber in my diet.  I guess I need to eat more vegetables since I can't have whole wheat and things like that.

TMI over...

Besides that, I am surprised at how not freaked out I am.  I mean, I am trying to just not think about the egg retrieval because I am terribly nervous about that.  Like throw up nervous.  I am nervous about the IV, I am nervous I will wake up in the middle, I am nervous they'll mess up the anesthesia and I will not be working with a full deck when I wake up, I am nervous about the pain afterwards.  Just nervous.  Also, I have spent the last two years taking as little medicine as possible, drinking no caffeine or artificial sweeteners, and no alcohol.  And then, three to five days before I get pregnant, I am going to be filling my entire body with anesthesia and then taking pain meds that whole day and probably the next (I think, I am not sure how that works).  But, if you think I am going to suffer through it without pain medicine, well I am not that brave.  I am not into unproductive pain.  I am just thankful that my clinic puts you to sleep.  It seems like all the ones in my area do.  I have read blogs of people (mostly in other countries) where they do not and I think that's kind of cruel.  I mean, why not?  No one wants to remember that. 

I also know that my coworkers are all wondering what is going on with me but we are not talking about this with anyone except for one couple that we are the closest to at church.  We don't want people pulling us to the side to talk to us at church or accidentally saying something or worst of all, giving unwanted advice.  I have two friends that know we're struggling and they are the give advice types. 

"You need to go to a different doctor." 

"I had a neighbor who had a stressful job and when she quit her job she got pregnant.  I think you need to quit your job."  (Really, because then how will I pay for IVF when that doesn't work?)

Two of my close girlfriends (the one who we are telling about IVF and the one in the statement above saying I should quit my job) got pregnant after we'd been trying for a year.  Now, their boys are 6 weeks apart and they are both a little over a year old.  The one in that keeps telling me I should quit my job also says things like, "It's going to be so beneficial for you to be the last to have kids because you can watch us."  Really?  I was the first to get married and while I did think, wow, I wish I had thought of that, I never regretted it.  I think I'd be just fine having been the first to have kids and I know LOTS of great moms at my church. 

I don't know.  I love these girls and I know they love me and would never say something to hurt me.  They are true sisters in Christ and we are close.  I feel like I have kind of distanced myself in some ways to protect myself.  Mainly because I can't share all my struggles and feelings with them because they can't understand.  But, sometimes it does get on my nerves.  I mainly don't talk to two of them about it anymore because there is really nothing else to say since my husband and I have agreed to only tell the one couple.  Also, I figure I am probably just being too sensitive. 

We also have a set of friends that don't know anything about our struggles and the wife in that couple is constantly making comments and asking when we are going to get started.  Because we are going to really tell you if we haven't already.  She's clueless.  I'm afraid my husband is going to go off on her one day.  And he has a lot more patience than I do.  A lot.

What do you think?  Am I too sensitive or would you roll your eyes at some of those things?

Either way, I know that me not being in the "Mom Club" does not keep me from being friends and sisters in Christ with these ladies.  We have a relationship because we share a belief in the gospel and Jesus is our savior.  There is nothing that can change that.  I have to keep reminding myself that and working to be more like Christ.  The more Christ-like I am the less things like that will bother me.  I read something to the gist of this on a blog I found during ICLW and it was such a blessing to me to read that post.  It was such a great reminder.

Saturday, October 30, 2010


Yesterday my baseline appointment went really well.  My dr. did a physical of sorts and then an ultrasound and a estrogen blood test.  Everything looked ready to go on the u/s with plenty of antral follicles.  My estrogen was supposed to be between 20-55 and mine was 27.  So, the Lupron has done it's job. I'll go back on Tuesday and we'll be looking for some of the follicles to hopefully begin maturing and my estrogen to be on the rise.  So, so far so good.  We made up the little Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f cocktail and injected it.  Apparently all syringes have their drawbacks because this one did not want to push in and prolonged the process (and the stinging as the meds went in).  But, I guess we have plenty of time to figure it out.

Last weekend my sister and I really enjoyed the self defense class.  It was a good beginner lesson.  The company that put it on is a little unorganized but they offer several other classes.

My husband made me a surprise appointment (which he told me about to make sure the timing was right) to get a massage at Spa Sydell!  He's so thoughtful.  He wants me to be relaxing while I'm going through this cycle.  That's a tall order with my job right now. 

Well, I hope everyone has a fun, safe weekend!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Things Are Really About To Get Started...

Tomorrow morning is my baseline appointment for my IVF cycle.  I'll have b/w and an u/s to make sure everything is cooperating.  Then, tomorrow night, we'll make our little Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f cocktail and we'll be on our way!  I had acupuncture today in the middle of the day and then had to go back to work afterwards.  Ugh!  It always makes me feel so tired that I want to go home and sleep.  I am dragging...and headed to get ready for bed already!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Things Are Going...

Well, I have been surviving the injections.  I thought I might try to give myself one, but decided it wasn't a great idea.  My husband has been doing a really good job.  The insulin syringes that came with my Lupron are not the best.  The nurse told us they were dull, but really, why?  Anyway, they have caused a bit of difficulty and trial and error, but he really has done well.  Plus, my husband is so loving.  He always crawls in to bed next to me and rubs my arm and stomach and gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me after he's given me the shot.  I try to behave, I just lay there and close my eyes, but what I really want to do is run from the room.  Oh, and I hold my breathe.  I think that gives him motivation to go more quickly.  They really don't hurt that much, if at all, but I seriously have issues with needles.  It's all in my head.

I was afraid I'd be a crazy person, all angry one second and weepy the next.  I really haven't felt that any more than usual, maybe even less, so I guess that means I am already crazy; or it isn't affecting me.  My acupuncturist told me that Lupron is really a kind of stimulant to your body according to Chinese medicine,  even though it stops everything "down there".  He then said that I might be reacting well because it might be similar to giving a kid with ADHD stimulants to calm them down and allow them to think more calmly and be normal.  Do you think he was inferring that I am high strung?  I'm not sure how I got to be so high strung.  It must have been puberty when it hit because when I was a little girl, I was pretty mellow.

My sister and I are going to a self-defense class at Centennial Olympic Park tomorrow.  I am really looking forward to it.  I just hope she doesn't beat me up.  She's always been a lot more aggressive than me.

Happy ICLW to everyone!  I am off to read some blogs and give some support!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

We Have A Plan

So, my husband and I were at the RE for about 3 hours on Friday morning.  I had my saline ultrasound, which was a little painful, but not too bad.  They checked my prolactin level because they couldn't find that I'd ever had that done (I thought I had, but couldn't say when or by whom).  Now that I think of it, they never called me with those results.  I guess I'll be calling them on Monday.  They did an updated SA on my husband (which they also did not call us about).  I have been taking BCPs since the 8th and I will begin doing Lupron injections on Sunday.  I have serious issues with needles.  Like passing out, hyperventilating, you get the picture, issues.  When we did the IUI cycle with just a couple of injections last time, the only one we ended up having to do ourselves was the Ovidrel, which was subcutaneous, and I let my husband do it.  He did a really good job, but my nerves were shot by the time he did it because I was so nervous.  I think I am going to try to do it myself but I am not sure if I can do it.  I mean, physically, will I be able to stab myself with a needle.  Then, when we do the trigger, it will be intramuscular.  Yikes!  I did not like the look of that needle or the thought that if he hits a vein, he'll have to try again. 

Anyway, I'll be doing Lupron only until my baseline ultrasound and b/w on Oct. 29.  Then, that night I'll start the stims and still be taking the Lupron.  I am doing one vial of Menopur and Gonal-f.  The nurse taught us how to mix it to where we only have to do one injection.  I should have "freqent" monitoring appointments between 11/2 thru 11/9-11 and my retrieval should be 11/9-11/11.  I warned my boss that my doctor's appointments are going to get even worse than they already were and that if he really wanted to know what was going on I'd tell him but it was super personal and I wasn't sure if he'd want to know.  He didn't ask.  Whew.  I told him I would be out on the entire day of the egg retrieval, but I also told him that it was a procedure for which I'd be under anesthesia so I might be out the next day too.  I will probably take the next day off regardless of how I am feeling because darnit my job is stressful right now and I could use a day off.

Between the increase in my workload at work and the impending daily injections, my stomach hasn't been right since last Friday before our RE appointment.  I have had that nervous feeling constantly ever since. 

Okay, has anyone ever had this one:  the last two  mornings I have woken up and felt like I couldn't keep myself up straight.  My body wants to fall to the left.  I thought it might be stress, fatigue, or hormones (or any combination thereof) or maybe an inner ear infection.  I googled it and it said that it could be the hormones mixed with stress.  I am guessing my BCPs are at fault. 

I am really nervous about the side effects of Lupron.  I am already on edge these days and I hope I don't get myself fired or say something I'll regret to my sweet husband.

Oh, and the RE said that we were required to have a counseling session before we started IVF and let me tell you, it was worthless!  What a waste o $325!  All she did was ask about our TTC journey, our family backgrounds, then a couple of specific questions the RE probably has on a list about how we would handle triplets or the tiny chance that we might have to abort if both my life and the baby's was in danger. 

Okay, this post is ridiculously long.  Have a blessed Sunday tomorrow!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

It's a New Day

I'm sorry I haven't updated.  Work is crazy, to say the least.  I am definitely not pregnant.  AF visited on Tuesday and I called the RE nurse to schedule a consultation.  We have decided to move forward with IVF.  This is not an easy decision as we have been through much study and prayer for over a year to get here (and saving $).  I started BCPs last night.  It could just be a reaction from all the stress I've had this week, or it could be the BCPs, but I feel a little off today.  Mild headache, mild queasiness.  Nothing that really warrants a complaint, but I still feel it.

Well, please keep us in your prayers.  I thought I would feel a lot more emotional, but I feel ready.  Scared to death but ready.  I have serious issues with needles and anything medical-related.  So, I hope I survive.  I felt sad that I have a new nurse for IVF.  If we don't get pregnant and do an FET, I'll get my old nurse back.  I like the new one okay, but I am just not a huge fan of change, really.

Have a great weekend everyone!  Lot's of sales this week.  My husband and I are meeting my sister, her husband and her step-daughter at the corn maze at Cagle's Dairy.  It's supposedly A-maize-ing!  But, we may have to stop at the Loft on the way there or back so that I can check out their $25 sweaters, of which I am in desperate need.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Things Are Looking Down

So, I start spotting today.  I went for acupuncture and the acunpunturist told me to come home and take a HPT and to take one again in the morning if it was negative.  He said if it was positive to try to come see him again tomorrow.  Well, it was negative.  I'll try again tomorrow morning b/c I know that the HPT is more likely to get an early positive with the first morning urine.  Things are not looking great.  I am feeling really down about this.  What to do?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

2 WW Almost Over

Well, I have managed to stay sane the past 9 days by being so busy I could barely spend time to think about it.  My job duties are changing and I am basically doing the work of 2 people right now until they figure out who to give the stuff I am giving up away.  Blah! 

Anyway, the RE told me to do a HPT 10-12 days after the IUI.  Tomorrow is day 10, so I am going to wait until Tuesday morning.  I have been reading to see if I have any "symptoms," but I also know that the same symptoms can be other things as well, like digestive issues or PMS.  I have been charting my temperature and it is still higher than it was before ovulation.  But, so was last month's.  I am having some cramping, but sometimes I have menstrual cramps this early in my cycle also.  I have some constipation, but sometimes that happens randomly too.  I have been somewhat moody...but we all know that that can happen sometimes too.  So, the point of my rambling is that I am still hopeful but I am trying to not completely convince myself I'm pregnant because I don't want to be so disappointed. 

That's all the update I have for now.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

IUI Yesterday!

I am feeling very hopeful.  Yesterday I had an IUI done and the conditions were just right!  For my own memory, I am going to walk through my cycle.

First of all, I started seeing a new RE in the middle of my last cycle.  He had me come off some of the supplements that Naturopath/Nutritionist had me on and because I have Hashimoto's disease - which means I have elevated antibodies in my thyroid that think it's a foreign object and try to attack it - he put me on Levothyoxine.  Now, I do not know if any of these things is what cause this, but my cycle lasted 50 days!  I have never skipped a period in my life and the next longest cycle I ever had was probably about 35-36 days.  So, I was concerned, to say the least.  When I got about 5 days past my normal start date (which is usually about day 31), the RE prescribed Prometrium vaginal suppositories.  I took those for 10 days and started 2 days after I had finished the prescription.

Day 1 9/8/10
Day 3 9/10/10 - Come in for baseline u/s; b/w - LH and Estradio; and a pregnancy test - prescribed Letrazole to take days 3-7
Day 8 9/15/10 - Went in for an injection of Menopur (150mg) (I can't do my own injections - fainting would surely follow)
Day 11 9/18/10 - Had an u/s - 2 maturing follicles - one on each side - I believe they were 16mm and 17mm; uterine lining was only 5.12mm, which is not ideal.  Did b/w to test Estradiol and LH and gave me an injection of low-dose HCG to urge my lining to thicken up and my follicles to get a little bigger.  They call me with the results of my b/w and they want to see me again on Monday (Day 13) to do another u/s and possibly more b/w.
Day 13 9/20/10 - u/s showed my lining at 6.56mm and a 18mm and a 19mm follicle.  Looks good but not as great as they'd like.  Do estradiol and LH again to make sure I am not surging.  Nurse calls later in the day wanting me to come in the next day for an injection of Bravelle then have another u/s and possible b/w on Wed.
Day 14 9/21/10 - Bravelle injection
Day 15 9/22/10 - u/s - R follicle 21.46 L follicle 17.46; lining 8.56!  Dr. P wants to wait and have us do the trigger that evening and come in on Friday for the IUI. (We used Ovidrel for the trigger.)
Day 17 9/24/10 - my husband's appointment was at 9:30 and mine was at 11:20.  My sweet hubby stayed to be there with me so that we wouldn't get pregnant while he wasn't even there.  The Dr. was really cool though.  He inserted the little tube then had my hubby push the plunger in.  Then he told my husband that now when the baby cries I have to blame my hubby and not Dr. P.  I thought it was a nice thought.

So, now I wait 10-12 days and take a pregnancy test!  I am praying that I don't have a visit from AF before then.  Dr. P said to come in even if I get a period and they'll do a test to make sure I am not pregnant since our cycle looks so good!

Today, I went to the Resolve Walk of Hope at Piedmont Park and caught up with some girls I went to HS with and met a few new people whose blogs I have read.  One of the ladies actually lives about 10 minutes from me as it turns out!  My RE was there with his dog.  It was interesting to see him out of the office.  I wondered if he'd recognize me with all my clothes on.  ;)  But, he did, of course.

Please be praying that we get good results.  I know that everything works out for the good of God's plans.  His will is always fulfilled.  I just wish I knew what His will was for our life.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Wonderful World of Visiting an RE

Part of the way through the next cycle, we had our first appointment with an RE in Atlanta.  While I had read about all of the major REs in Atlanta, I picked this one because it was the one my gyn referred me to and they had an office not only near Northside Hospital but also in John's Creek.  We did two IUIs with them and were told that we could do one more if we wanted.  I didn't want.  It seemed like a waste of money to me.  So, our only other option was IVF.  I was NOT ready for that.  I had done a lot of reading that your diet and acupuncture can help you get pregnant naturally.  I specifically asked the RE about the diet thing and she told me it really didn't make much difference.  But, I didn't, and still don't, believe that.  I had already given up what little alcohol I did drink and all caffeinated drinks.  Based on all the testing that we had done, no one knew what was going on with us.  Everything was normal with my husband and everything looked normal for me except my FSH was a little high (it had been a 7 when my gyn tested it and it was 12.7 at the RE's office).  My lining was not getting as thick as they'd have liked either, but it was acceptable and the last cycle of IUI we had I had 3 good follicles and my husband's SA was rock-star.

So, I told the RE we were taking a break and going to a nutritionist and possible acupuncture if I could bring myself to it.  I have serious issues with needles.  I almost always pass out when they take blood. 

I began seeing a nutritionist in October of 2009.  My nutritionist was also a naturopath.  She did all kinds of testing on my thryoid hormones and said that I have Hashimoto's disease, which is a high level of antibodies which all think my thyroid is foreign and are trying to attack it.  She said the only thing to help this is a gluten free diet and she thought I should do dairy free as well.  I told her that I wasn't going to do dairy free if she couldn't prove to me why I needed it.  I did a blood test to see if I had any food allergies and it found that I was highly intolerant to dairy and mustard and slightly intolerant to grapefruit.  She also kept wanting to do all kinds of other blood and saliva tests and give me all these supplements. 

In April of 2010, I began seeing an acupunturist.  She was Chinese and constantly told me that I had an American diet and there was no way I could be healthy without eating her 8 grain soup which was disgusting.  I also felt like her office was really unorganized.  So, I started seeing the acupuncturist in the same office with my nutritionist because she highly recommended him.  He is an American and also a Naturopathic Doctor.  I like him better than the first lady, but I definitely feel his needles and treatment a lot more than I did hers.  He says that I am supposed to feel it. 

After about 9 months of seeing the nutritionist, the tests she was doing (a very expensive month-long saliva test) showed her that everything with me was great and she couldn't believe I wasn't getting pregnant.  Maybe they should do a saliva test on my husband.  Well, we did and she starts telling us that he is in male menopause and all this crap.  I was like, if he has had an RE and a urologist do several semen analyses on him and a full set of blood work, there is no way.  Plus, the fact that although she was saying that her tests were saying that I was ovulating, I was not getting any positive results on my home OPKs.  When I told her this, she said I should throw those sticks away because they are wrong.  I told this to my acupuncturist and he ordered some bloodwork and it came back extremely non-conclusive as to whether or not I was actually ovulating.  Needless to say, we dropped the nutritionist.  We had already decided to go back to an RE and don't want to be paying for both at the same time, so it was an easy decision.  Plus, we'd finally saved up enough money to pay for IVF if it's required.

I am still doing the gluten free diet.  Mainly it's because I don't want to change anything right before we start cycling.

So, that brings us up to about a month ago when we started checking out the other two major REs.

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Beginning

My husband and I were married in Nov. 2003 and did not begin trying to conceive (TTC) until Dec. 2007.  We waited so long for a variety of reasons, all of which seem so silly to me now. 

Would it have made a difference?  I don't know.  I never will. 

After 6 months of trying, I called my gyn's office and was told by the nurse that answers calls that I was welcome to come in but she doubted the doctor would do anything.  So, I waited until my next regular annual appointment in September of 2008 and when I was telling the nurse who was taking my stats about our concerns, she said, oh yes, 9 months is a long time.  Nothing frustrates me more than to talk to multiple people in the same doctor's office and get differing facts/opinions.  The doctor offered to give me Clomid or testing.  I opted for Clomid - and took Clomid 50mg for 3 months to no avail.  I called back and the gyn ordered a day 3 blood panel, which included a glucose test, for which they failed to tell me I needed to fast.  Everything looked normal except my blood sugar, which obviously wasn't accurate since I wasn't fasting.  He also sent me to have an HSG - for which I was woefully unprepared.  I didn't do enough "real life" research on the test, having only read the medical websites about it, so I didn't have my husband come with me.  I also went to a testing place that didn't have an x-ray table with stirrups so I had to try to get into this terrible position with my feet on the corners of the table and my rear end scooted all the way forward.  It was awful, I don't think I'll go into details.  I probably don't need to.  The HSG was normal.  My husband went for a semen analysis, which was normal, except for a slightly low volume, which they claimed can sometimes happen in that kind of situation.  My gyn doubled the Clomid, which I took for 3 more months, to no avail.  The next step was for the gyn to put me on Metformin because I might have PCOS because my blood sugar looked funny in the test they did on me INCORRECTLY!  Whatever.  That stuff made me feel awful, for the record.  They also switched me to Letrazole that month.  The next month, we did Letrazole and an IUI (at my gyn).  Well, that was a wretched experience as well.  After all of that, I decided we needed to see a specialist.  I had been holding back because I had no insurance coverage for testing or treatment.  And, I am pretty cheap.  If I am cheap, my husband is a miser.  Also, up until about this point in time, he showed no interest in helping me do research or find anything out about infertility and what to do.  All of that was about to change.

So, that's the beginning of our story.  The next chapters opens with our first RE experience. Stay tuned...

Sunday, September 5, 2010


Hello blogging world.  This is my first post on my blog about our journey through infertility.  I feel like we are at a turning point.  We've been through a lot and are seeing an RE once again.  I'd like to catch you all up on our story, the path we've been on thus far.  We are currently "in the closet" with our infertility to most of  our friends and family.  I constantly ask myself why.  I just don't think I could handle getting advice from people who have never been through what we've been through.  I have also read too many of your blogs and am all too familiar with the insensitive things people say to people going through infertility.  The few people that we have told are the ones we knew wouldn't judge us and my three closest girlfriends who I told when we started TTC.  I regret telling one of them.  She just doesn't seem to get it.  Who could.  My next post will be about the beginning of our "Unknown Path."