Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Here's the Story

I have been pretty quiet lately.  I have been trying to leave comments.

Here is what happened when we went into the RE for our follow up:

The RE told us that my ovaries and hormones were slow to respond to the drugs.  Yes, they did use an aggressive protocol since they had done an IUI with us with injectables already.  Once the eggs were fertilized, the embryos were slow to grow.  They don't know why.  He thinks that there is a mind-body connection and I am too stressed out.  I obviously do not trust his team and I was fighting them the whole way.  Yes, it is  okay to ask questions.  (This is what I asked because I couldn't tell why he thought I was "fighting" them when I did everything they said, I've done everything everyone has said for crying out loud).  No one on my team wants to work with you any more (Okay, so he said there were a couple of people who didn't like me, but still).   I am not willing to go forward with a second cycle until you go see a therapist.  I could tell from the first day you walked into my office that you had issues, just the look on your face reflects all kinds of anger and hostility {but I took your $15K anyway and put you through the treatments even though I thought it wouldn't work}.  Maybe you should go somewhere else and get a second opinion, {even though I already took your money and you will have to save up for another year to pay for treatment elsewhere}. 

The stuff in brackets and parenthesis is mine.  I cannot argue that I have a lot of stress and that I do not always deal with it the best.  However, I feel like I hide it well.  I can feel extremely angry at a coworker and have an entire conversation with them. Then, if I ask them later if I was rude, they say no.  Our controller laughs at me if I give someone a hard time jokingly because "she's the nicest person in the department."  I don't necessarily agree with her, but I also don't think I am a horrible person to be around. 

So, we are looking at therapists.  It is true that I don't have much trust for doctors.  However, I respect them.  I do ask a lot of questions. My care is my responsibility and I want to make sure they aren't confusing me with the last 5 people they've seen going through whatever it is I am going through.  I like to make sure they've considered everything - especially if they tell me something that is different from what they've told me before.

I am extremely nervous (big surprise) about going to a therapist.  Have any of you ever been?  We had to go for a 1 hour appointment before beginning IVF and it was a waste of time. All she did was get our infertility history. We didn't get into any feelings, stress, etc...

To be honest, I spend more time stressing about things than I should.  It would be a relief to learn how to not do that.  I am just unsure of what to expect and how much to expect. 

Will we go back to this RE?  I don't know.  My husband wants to because we've already signed up for the 2-cycle deal (basically 2 for the price of 1).  And, while they've offered to refund us anything we paid over, I doubt there will be much leftover since we're basically getting a free second cycle.  Maybe I could go to another doctor/nurse team in the same practice, but I am sure that the RE would have talked about me.  So, I wouldn't have a clean slate.

So, that's where we are.  My husband has been pretty quiet.  I asked him point blank if the thought before now that I needed therapy and he said that he never thought I was that bad but at times I do have a hard time dealing with stress, especially regarding anything medical.  He has been awesome in taking the responsibility to seek out a therapist on my insurance closer to where we work/live than down town.  Because driving out that way would be way stressful.

I have also dropped the gluten free diet, which I was always unsure of whether or not it was helping me.  I feel no difference.  I am still planning to do the dairy free until I can get to an allergist and get their opinion.  I ate cheese pizza on Saturday though and didn't get sick at all.  No bloating, no upset stomach, nothing.  My husband thought the gluten free and dairy free was more stressful than it was worth, and too expensive, if we can't tell a difference.

Sorry for the length.  I just needed to get it out there.  Hopefully my story will help someone else.  For now, we aren't doing anything.  We're just enjoying having unplanned sex!


  1. That is ridiculous! If I were you, I'd enter a complaint about that conversation. I can't believe they said that.

    On the other hand, I do think a therapist is a good idea. NOT because I think it has anything to do with your IVF success, but because infertility is ridiculously hard and anything you can do to make it a little easier is good. And anything that can lower your stress is good.

  2. Wow I agree with the above comment...Not the way the Dr. should handle things at all and if it wasnt for your pre paid cycle I would say get the heck outta there...They are supposed to be there to support you and guide you not beat you down...Trust me I asked a million questions and made sure all the T's were crossed and I never got this flack and Im pregnant so your re's theory is a horrible one

    With this last cycle we did see an Infertility Counselor together just to help us learn some new techinques on managing stress and how do we get to a good place if A. we became pregnant or B. we did but miscarried...Help us make a plan B and b really happy with it...I will say since thats what she specialized in it really helped us alot:) We did see her until I think we were around 16wks pregnant and she helped us as a couple going through this IF/RPL world

    But man your RE really needs some manners:((((

  3. Yup agree with the above!

    And ahhh unplanned sex - I vaguely remember what that is! Enjoy it!

    ~Happy ICLW~
    #14 http://themissruby.blogspot.com/

    ~May your Christmas be filled with Peace~
    ~And your New Year with Hope~

  4. Huh, I am shocked that your RE told you those things. That sounds wacked. I would want to stick it out, if possible since you paid for two cycles.
    I think therapy is a great idea. It can be a little strange at first but in the end it can't hurt. I do believe that MH can have an effect on a cycle, I don't know if it is true but it can make it easier, mentally.

  5. I am so sorry this guy was a jerk to you!! Hello...their business is dealing with hormonal women going through one of the toughest things a person can go through, what kind of attitude do they expect?!?!?

    I did do some therapy through our two IVF treatments, it did help.

    My therapist recommended this book for us to read


    I hope 2011 is filled with nothing but joy for you!!

    Happy Holidays and Happy ICLW

  6. I would enter a complaint against the DR ... seriously, that is behavior that is unthinkable. SERIOUSLY - you are going through something so stressful and upsetting - why the heck wouldn't you be stressed? Stupid brain dead DR. I would seek a second opinion with in the clinic, just to see what they say, and give them your side. Ridicules. A therapist probably wouldn't hurt you ... you'll find that even though it makes you a little edgy at first, it does help! {{HUGS}}

    Happy ICLW from #37 and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

  7. OMG! As detached as he was to us he was never an out right ASS! I am so sorry things turned out this way (just now catching up)!
    I'd still use the prepaid, but see one of the other docs in the other Alpharetta office maybe??? i am just disgusted...really. disgusted.ugh.

  8. I can't believe he told you some of that stuff. That is nuts. I would look for a second opinion with a doctor and staff who isn't fighting you and telling you that your nuts.

  9. So sorry that this cycle didn't go as planned, but your doctor sounds like a douche. I had the condescending attitudes that so many of them have towards their patients. I hope that 2011 brings you much better news and a very successful cycle! Merry Christmas from ICLW #110!

  10. Wow- that is all I can say! I am sorry that you had to experience that- what a insensitive DR- I would most definitely get a 2nd opinion- you need to feel that the doctors treating you- have your best interest in mind and a little bit of caring and compassion would go a long way. The stress and pain of infertility is enough to try and deal with- let alone a dooch-bag doctor!

  11. Hi there,
    I think that it is a bunch of bull what the RE told you about the embryos and the eggs being slow to respond because of your mind state, in IVF they take over your hormonal axis so what does it matter if you are angry etc, your hypothalamus (who nomally does the relay between emotions and hormones) is in any case shut down by the lupron/synarel etc. As for the therapist, I have been, and loved it, once you get past the initial fear.

  12. I strongly believe having somewhere safe to talk out your feelings, fears, hopes is a good thing. It would be a good place to talk about your RE, your stress, ways to cope. Listen. If everyone is telling you that you are too stressed out, you need to listen to them.

    Have you tried yoga? Meditation? The Circle + Bloom audio guided meditations are great. They really, really help.

    ~Jem (ICLW #5)

  13. Hi, stopping by for ICLW. Wow, what a journey you've been through. I don't think I've ever had a doctor speck to me that way. I probably would've cried right ther ein his ofice. How awful! So sorry that you are going though that. I'd get any money back from them that I could, and run for the hills (another RE.) You don't need Dr. Negitive bringing you down and stressing you out evn more. I d think seeing a counsler is a good idea. So many emotions in IF. S/he could help you out with that alot (imo.) ICLW #69

  14. i want to punch your doctor in the neck. what a jerk, emby!

    on the other hand, i think getting in a good emotional place is super important and i want that for you. i know first hand that IF and IVF sucks, and i was only recently in a good place (thousands of dollars, needles and months later). i think that may have had something to do with it finally working. i was way less stressed this last time. it was hard work getting there but it can be done.

    i think if you can get yourself to a good place and go back and clear the slate with your clinic, take that second cycle since you already paid for it. definitely see a different RE though.

    good luck! you know i'll be cheering you on. xo!