Thank you all for the touching comments. It really does mean a lot for so many of you to reach out and let me know you care. I have been back at work since Tuesday and just trying to "act normal." I am also dealing with all kinds of confusing emotions as well. I am extremely nervous about my RE follow-up, which is next Wednesday right before lunch. It's completely illogical, I know. I am a really bad worrier. It's very sinful to do that, but I get it honest. I come from a long line of women who over-worried, were paranoid, and probably bi-polar. I feel like I am working on it because I can recognize that I am a little crazy so I have won half the battle in that, right? But, really, I am mostly sane, most of the time. :)
I am so happy to see all the BFPs that have happened this month. I truly am. I am thankful that the Lord has allowed me to continue to remain joyful for those who get pregnant. I am ashamed that my joy is often marred by my own sadness that I am not joining the ranks of "the pregnant ladies." It's so selfish to feel that way, I know. So, I try to squash it. But, it's still there. Seething below the surface.
I loved this post by Mel that she posted today. I agree that I would rather choose fire than ice. But, there have been a few showers I have skipped. Or, usually I make other plans so I have an excuse not to go.
I don't skip church though. My church is family-integrated and there are only two married couples besides my husband and I that don't have kids yet. One family has one child. Two have two. The rest - they range from 3 (the young couples) to 8. One family has just announced they are expecting their 9th. We are technically non-denominational, but most of us came from other Baptist churches and we support the SBC cooperative program (which is awesome, if you ever want to know where to give). (Just to give you some background, in case you were wondering).
Anyway, I may be a spotty blogger in the next week, but please don't think I've disappeared. Or, that I am not really truly happy for those that are getting their miracles. You are in my prayers as I recognize that now you have a new set of worries.