IUI - Check & High Hopes for 2012

Well, the IUI is done.  My doctor was taking a day off, so I met a new doctor in the practice who did my IUI.  The speculum application was not fun.  It pinched me then hurt so bad when she put it back in that she declared I needed a smaller one.  It was much better.  Why can't they always use that smaller speculum?  I think I will ask about that when I go for my ob/gyn visit in Feb.

I am doing my Circle + Bloom every day (twice yesterday, after the IUI) and praying that this is it.  If this isn't it, we are faced with IVF again, which none of us wants, including my doctor.  But, we aren't going to have to even think about it because this is going to work.

2012 is going to be my year for a take-home baby.  I have three months to make that statement come true.  Hopefully, I won't have to do anything else to make it happen.  I am starting Prometrium tonight, BTW.

We are going out to an early dinner with friends from church tonight. None of us wants to be tired tomorrow at church.  So, we aren't doing our usual get-together and game night.  I really don't need to over-tire myself anyway.

I hope you all have a safe and happy evening.  May 2012 bring you many blessings and allow you many opportunities to glorify God.

Another IUI In The Works

Hello all,

Well, we have another IUI in the works.  After I took a month off, I was in the office, ready to start another IUI last month and when we started counting days and realized that the day we would most likely need to do the IUI would be the same day we were having my family over and then from there going to the house of our head deacon at church for a Christmas party for the elders and deacons.  I discussed it with the NP and my nurse and we all agreed that I'd be too stressed out so we put it off until this month.

Day 1 was last Saturday, Dec. 17.  Today is day 11.  I took 10 mcg of on day 4 and 5 for 3 days after that. From Dec 22-26, I took 75 units of Menopur (which burned like crazy this month).  I went back to the doctor today.  I have one substantial follicle on the right side which is 25mm.  I saw a few tiny ones on the left side, but the Dr didn't bother measuring them.  My lining is 7.5mm.  They did bw to check my estrogen and gave me a low-dose HCG shot and gave me a couple to take home. 

I heard from my nurse and she said that my estrogen was 111, which she thought was good.  The last IUI, it was 115 on day 10, but the follicles were smaller (and there were two, I think).  I am going to do another shot of low does HCG tomorrow morning and we will trigger with Ovidrel tomorrow night.  We'll do the IUI on Friday morning. 

I read online that the follicle is what is creating the estrogen and that they want your estrogen to be 150-200 per follicle.  Last time I had more than one and it was 115, this time I have one and it is 111.  But, there are those other small ones.  I just don't know how to think about that.  I am doing my Circle + Bloom every day.  I am trying to stay positive and relaxed.  Of course, it is Christmas time so I am eating lots of junk food, so that might be my undoing.  I have been off work since last Thursday, so I am as relaxed as I can get without going on vacation to the beach again.  I believe this will work.  I have to.  I also have another funny tidbit.  As I was driving to the doctor's office this morning, I realized that the tag number on the car in front of me as I was about to get off the interstate had the first three letters as "BFP".  It made me smile.

So, my question is - how fast does your estrogen go up every day?  I am praying that my one little follicle is mature.

Update

Hi Y'all! 

It seems like I am not a very good blogger.  Things have been so busy between work, church, and preparing for our Bible study, that I haven't had much time to blog.  And, I have been pretty down lately, so I haven't had the inclination to blog. 

So, we have taken this month off.  I have been taking the chewable "stress and adrenal" pills from my chiropractor.  I didn't bother doing the little pee sticks for ovulation this month.  I have been having cramps since Wednesday.  I had some spotting on the night before, though.  My DH thought it might be implantation bleeding because it was so early in the month and without all the drugs, I usually have a 33 day cycle.  Tuesday was day 22 of my cycle.  I took a HPT on Wednesday morning and it was negative.  Of course, if I am still on track for a 33-day cycle, then it would be too early for accurate results, I guess.  I have had cramping off and on and light to medium spotting ever since.  I felt sure I'd get the visit from AF every day, but haven't. We are planning to do an IUI this cycle, if we are able to with our clinic's schedule.  They close for a week every December for a deep cleaning in the lab.  I really don't want AF to come so early, though, because we are going to Charleston with my sister and BIL the weekend of Thanksgiving and I don't know how we'd explain the need to bring a cooler, syringes, and injectable meds that have to be refrigerated with us. 

I figure if we've gone this long w/o spilling the beans, I really would like to be pregnant or have made the decision that we're just not having kids before telling them.  I so want them to all be surprised when we make our announcement!

Work is really getting crazy with my company going through an acquisition as the acquiree.  People in my area are dropping like flies.  We've finally started talking about our Christmas shopping.  Usually I am almost done by now.  We went looking for a new artificial tree a couple of weeks ago, then decided we'd look a few more places and have never been back to the store to look.  All the good ones will be bought if we keep dragging our feet.  Have you started/finished your shopping or thought about decorations yet?

Another Fail

Well, last Saturday, I did a HPT and it was negative.  Then, AF showed up in full force on Monday.   I had been having cramps for a few days already, but I was hoping that the cramps meant something else.  I have been very upset.  This is an understatement, to say the least.  I have been trying to hard to have a good outlook and be positive and happy where I am in life.  But, if I was fine with where we are, why would I be spending all this money to change that?  I have an appointment with a new psychologist  on Tuesday evening. 

I still don't know much about my job.  We have been throwing around the idea of me just not working after my job ends where I am now.  Or, finding a job part time or way below my capabilities or both.  It seems that I can't find a full time job doing what I do without being overworked.  I  know that they will let you work as much as you let them work you, but it's a vicious circle.  I get a job working a 40-hour week and then they see that I will work hard and put me somewhere doing more or pile more work on me.  Then, I see everyone around me working all the hours to get done with the work that we have as a team and I feel guilty packing up to leave everyday at 4:30.  So, if I am only working the 40 hours, I feel guilty, which causes me stress and if I work the overtime I feel overworked and unappreciated.  I actually was talking to our Controller the other day and she asked if I was working on the weekend, which I rarely do.  I told her I probably would work this particular weekend.  She said that she didn't need to work this weekend and she was always glad when she got to not work on the weekend.  Like we should always expect to work long hours and the weekends and think it's a real treat when we don't.  Whatever.  I was surprised by that comment because it does not seem like that has always been her mindset.  But, it irritated me.

I just don't know.  On one hand, I would probably be happier if I was home keeping our home the way I want it to be, and running the errands we need run, etc...  But, on the other hand, it is nice having 2 incomes and having security and putting money away in 401(k) and savings.  I make a good deal more than my DH, and he is constantly trying to study for various exams to get more certifications in his field. In his field, certifications speak volumes.  But, since I am always working so late, he does most of the house stuff during the week instead of studying.  So, it always ends up that me working so hard to make so much money is holding him back from getting ahead and making more money.  Right now, there's no way he could change jobs even with more experience and make more money because of the economy.  But, hopefully in the near future, there will be opportunities.  Also, I think it would be very humbling for me to stay home.  I mean, it's not like I am dutifully staying home with our kids.  Because, oh yeah, we can't have those.  Plus, we really couldn't afford all these infertility treatments if I stayed home either.  But, what if we don't need them anymore if I am home and not under all the stress of a job?  And, if we decided that we did need to continue the treatments, I could always get a part time job somewhere close by.

I just don't know.  It's on the table.  All I know is that I am down.  I am tired of all of this.  I just want to be joyful and content in the situation in which God has placed us.  And, I don't feel that way.  I feel bitter.  I hate it.  Until next time...

Quick Update

Hi All.

I wanted to do a quick post before heading to do Circle + Bloom then to bed.

The IUI was Monday and it went well. We had 15.7million sperm. So, that's good. We had two follicles per our monitoring appointment last Friday, one was a 15 and one a 19, both on the right side.

I stayed home on Monday and just rested. It was weird because the IUI wasn't that painful, but I had pain afterwards. More like discomfort. It was kind of uncomfortable to sit up straight, like in my "area". Strange. Then, I did have some cramping on Monday and even yesterday. But, today was pretty much back to normal except I seem to have to pee a lot more. I had some kind of cramping on the left side, but that could be because my stomach has not been behaving lately.

So, that is what there is to report so far.

IUI Tomorrow (again)

Tomorrow is our IUI. We did 5 days of 5 mg of Letrozole (3-7) and 4 days of 50 units of Follistim (6-9). Then, we triggered last night at 8 with Ovidrel. Please pray with us that this works and that I can stay unstressed. I feel like everything is working against me to feel that way with how my job is going (or might be going away). My company is going to be purchased by a bigger company that is headquartered in Nebraska. Yeah, probably not much space for Accounting in Atlanta. But, I am taking the day off tomorrow to sew and work on putting together a new coupon book that is more organized and watch tv or movies. I don't care that it's quarter-end. I need time for me.

Good night all! Have a good week!

Failed

I am not pregnant. Again.

Is It Over?

I know that this could be a good sign or a bad sign, but it feels like a bad sign.  I have been having menstrual-like cramps off and on for a week now, but they have been pretty much constant yesterday and today.  Today, I have had some spotting - like pink blood.  Also, and I know this is gross and TMI, but it always smells different "down there" when I am about to start my period.  It smells like that now.  Of course, it would probably smell like that if I have blood running out of my vagina no matter what it's for.  Yuck.

I told my husband that I didn't even see the point in testing tomorrow.  He wants to test.  He wants to know if we got pregnant or not.  He wants to make sure there is nothing we can do if we are pregnant and there is a problem.  I know that is the right thing to do.  I feel like my good attitude has been officially used up between the 2WW and work the last few weeks. 

I have tried very hard to stay calm and not get stressed at work but it is really hard.  I have also tried to leave more on time, but it's almost impossible with as much work as I have.  But, apparently what I am doing should be so much more easier than I am making it because both my boss and another coworker have said "that should be easy" or "that should be something you can put together pretty quickly".  Yes, I suppose if you are putting a budget together based on an average of previous periods and not bothering to get input from the managers as to whether or not they have any additional costs or cost savings, yes, it would be easy.  My boss, who is pretty much a genius, has said that to me about more than one topic in the last couple of weeks.  Yes, if I was a genius, I might agree.  And, I might make more money.  Or, I might work somewhere else. I have expressed my unhappiness with him at these assumptions.  Statements like that do nothing for my morale or self esteem.  It makes me want to quit.  I sometimes feel like I am working to pay for various types of treatment stemming from infertility and fertility treatments.

I went online yesterday and started looking for a new therapist.  I really need someone that will listen to me and not interject their opinion.  I don't know, maybe that is what therapy is supposed to be.  But, when I have made my beliefs and feelings clear on the subject, I do not feel it is appropriate for a medical professional who is there to help me with anxiety and infertility to try to convince me that I am wrong.  Of course, he would never do that...according to him.  But, I am tired of hearing the same stories about the same people over and over and how they think differently.  I do not share those beliefs and/or opinions and/or I think they are wrong.  Obviously if you are not a Christian and your beliefs are not founded in Biblical understanding, but in worldly understanding, you will not have the same perspective.  I am aware that my way of thinking about a lot of things is probably "abnormal" and "ultra conservative" and that is okay with me.  And, it's not all about religious beliefs.  It's sometime just stuff about personal preference.

Anyway, in summary - I think I'm about to start my period,  I am testing tomorrow anyway, I am losing touch with my good attitude, I am tired of working 10-12 hour days and driving 45 min to an hour (or more) each way just to feel unappreciated by my boss, and I need a new therapist for all the reasons above.  Shorter summary:  I am a mess.  I'll let y'all know what happens tomorrow.

Just Wait 'til Wednesday...

So, I am testing on Wednesday.  That is starting to feel further away by the minute.  I am just praying every day.  What else can I do?  I am praying to not be anxious also.  It's tempting to be anxious.  There, I said it. 

I hope you all have a good week.

All Over But the Waiting!

We went in on Wednesday for the IUI.  We had to wait a lot longer than we usually do.  I of course had just emptied my bladder before getting undressed, but if I had drank any more water than I had (like I usually do before getting blood drawn), I probably would have had to get dressed and go again.  Well, DH did not go before we went in and he was about to wet his pants before it was all said and done.  :)

Dr. P is really a gentle person, but the speculum seriously felt like it wasn't in right and that my vagina was going to squeeze it right now.  I was having visions of it popping out and smacking him in the face.  Then, he failed to warn me when he was going in with the catheter.  It usually doesn't even hurt and I really didn't expect it to because I felt my cervix that morning and it felt nice and open.  Well, it hurt.  A.Lot.  And, since I wasn't expecting it, it surprised me so much that I screamed out loud and I am fairly certain I tightened every muscle down there and possibly raised my rearend off the table a little bit. By the time I regained control of my mind (because seriously, if I had been expecting it, I would have stayed perfectly still no matter how much it hurt), I relaxed and apologized.  I looked around and the Dr. and MA were both telling me I didn't need to apologize, the MA was reaching towards me, I guess to console me/hold me down, and the Dr. was then apologizing for not warning me.  We were having a good conversation, about what, I cannot remember.  Anyway.  I am sure, for the record, the pain wasn't that bad.  I think mostly it was that not only was I not expecting it to hurt, I wasn't forewarned that he was doing it.  This was my 5th one and the very first one hurt that bad, but it was done by a regular gyn, not an RE and I was seriously uptight.  I felt pretty relaxed except for my worries about the speculum popping out and smacking my RE in the face.

So, he instructed me to be pregnant in 12 days and to take a HPT then.  He also said to go ahead and take 100mg of Endometrin starting Saturday night - every night at bedtime.  So, I started that Saturday night.  I am still following the Circle + Bloom and I do enjoy doing it.  I am not sure I am doing the best job of emptying my mind, but I am doing my best.  If all went as it should, maybe I'll feel some implantation cramping one day later this week. 

My boobs, mainly my nipples, have been very sore since ovulation.  The last time I felt this way was the last time I was doing treatments, so I think it's the hormones they give me. But, this time it feels a lot worse, so maybe that means the hormones are doing a better job?!

I hope everyone has a good week!

IUI Tomorrow Morning! and a little vent

The appointment on Sunday morning went well.  I have a follicle on each side - 17.66mm on the left and 17.98mm on the right.  I'd rather have more than that, but that's better than we've had in the past.  They gave me a shot of low dose HCG while I was there.  They could not get blood.  They stuck me 4 times in the left arm and couldn't get a good vein in the right so they didn't try (two people).  It was not the normal phlebotomists, so that's probably why.  We triggered Monday night (Ovidrel, thankfully).  The IUI is tomorrow morning.  DH's appointment is at 8am and mine is at 9:30.  I am going to stay home.  I may work some, but I will probably just stay home to do it to avoid any stress in the office.

I feel kind of like I am ovulating.  More than I have in a while.  Last month, I think I felt it, but this month is stronger.  I hope sperm meets egg and they have a happy union for the next 9 months.  DH is cutting up a pineapple for me right now!  I've heard it helps implantation.

There is a girl that sits on the other side of the cubicle wall and she is an attention-seeker.  She listens to her MP3 player all day and "whisper sings" loudly and then she eats lots of hard candy and makes these disgusting sucking sounds.  I have asked her not to sing several times so far (she's only sat there for a month or two) and I am about to have to tell her I can't stand the sucking.  I can't stand it.  I want to throw up every time I hear it.  I like this girl too.  I just think she needs attention so she seeks it in annoying ways like laughing annoyingly loud every time someone IMs her and cussing at people who email her and after she gets off the phone.  Bless her heart.  I just had to get that off my chest.

Okay, off to listen to Circle + Bloom!

IUI Underway

Hi All!  It's been a while.  Things have been busy.  I have still been reading and commenting, just not doing my own posts. 

I have had a crazy few weeks.  While I was out of town for continuing education, just before my last post, my cousin was killed in a car accident.  He was 25.  I am not very close to that little branch of my family, but it was still a blow.  It's hard to believe that someone who is the same generation as me, and much younger, can have died.  His parents and sister are devastated.  I am praying that they will be able to pull themselves together and carry on.  I don't think any of them are saved, so I am praying that they will feel God in their lives and cling to Him.  If you could pray too, I would be thankful.  I didn't say anything in my last post because I wasn't sure what to say.  But, if has affected me, even though he wasn't someone I saw every day.  It's yet another reminder that we do not have the promise of tomorrow.

In other news, AF showed up on Sept 1.  We are doing an IUI this month.  Here is my protocol:

Day 3-7 Letrozole (2 per day)
Day 8 150 units Bravelle (FSH)
Day 11 Monitoring appointment with RE

Tomorrow is my monitoring appointment.  I am not sure what to expect.  The last IUI we have a very similar protocol, except I believe we used Menopur.  When I went in for my first monitoring appointment last time, we did a small injection of LH and then still had to go in for another injection a few days later.  I think it was the most expensive IUI in history since I had so many ultrasounds!  But, this time, I have been pregnant recently, so hopefully my body is primed.  I feel like I did when we were stimulating my ovaries for IVF, like they are doing something and kind of tired.  I am excited to see what my body has been up to. 

I have been listening to the Circle + Bloom for IUI/IVF cycles.  I like them, and I do feel like I am relaxing.  But, I am not sure if I am doing a great job of the "mind-body connection" part of it.  Also, I keep falling asleep so I don't hear the whole thing sometimes.  But, I am not letting myself worry about not doing a good job of relaxing.  :)

Well, until next time, that is all I have to say.  I will post sooner next time!

Next Steps

Well, I have been taking HPTs and they have all been negative.  Today is day CD33 and I have started spotting and having cramps.  This morning's HPT was one of those Cle.ar Blu.e Ea.sy digital ones.  Instead of just having the one little pink line like on the other brands, I get a blaring "not pregnant".  I didn't really think that was very nice to see first thing in the morning.  Ah well.  I really didn't know what the chances were of us getting pregnant the first cycle after our  miscarriage, but I was hopeful. I know that God will give us children when it is the perfect timing in His plan. 

I got the results back from all the blood work done at my last appointment on Monday.  My thyroid antibodies were higher than they'd like (but they are always crazy since I have Hashimoto's) so my RE doubled my Levothyroxine.  My TSH was 4.3, which is on the higher side of normal according to some and way above normal according to the "new scale" some use.  My RE said I was normal.  Either way I am not worked up because guess how they would fix that - Levothyroxine.  My AMH was 1.6.  I need to look and see what it was the last time I had it taken about a year and a half ago.  I think it was about the same.  According to Dr. Google, that's normal.  Everything else was normal and I didn't ask the particulars.  The only other things they tested were the STDs they have to test annually while you are in treatment and Prolactin.

I just ordered Circle + Bloom.  I will start listening to it tomorrow, because it's too late today.  I am looking forward to seeing what this is all about.  I will also call my RE's IUI nurse when I get the visit from AF  in full force and we'll kick off my medicated IUI cycle.

Well, that's about all that's going on as far as IF.  I need to do a general life update, but I am too tired.  It's bedtime.  Hope you all have a good remainder of your week!

I Can't Believe It's Already ICLW Again!

I got to work today and realized it was ICLW and I didn't even realize it yesterday!  Ah!  I did read some blogs and comment yesterday, but not with as much purpose as I usually do (if that makes any sense). 

Well, I am in my 2WW right now on our first cycle after the miscarriage.  If this isn't our month, we'll try a couple of IUIs.  I've eaten pineapple the last couple of days because I've heard it's good for implantation.  I've also been taking baby aspirin to keep blood flow going down there.  I also felt like I might be slightly constipated (I know, TMI, sorry) so I have been taking Colace and Peri-Colace.  My chiropractor gave me some enzymes that should have helped with that.  I think it did at first, but hasn't been working as well as I'd like. 

I am going out of town to Dallas, TX for continuing education starting on Wednesday afternoon.  I haven't really been dwelling on it too much, but I am definitely going to start testing pretty early.  I got a positive OPK on day 19.  My cervix felt high, soft, open, and had EWCM on day 20.  My cycles are usually about 32 days.  So, I think I'll start testing on day 28 so that I can get to the RE ASAP if I get a positive to check on all my levels.

Does anyone else have any 2WW foods or activities they usually follow?

How Things Went with the Doctor

Yesterday's consultation with the RE went well.  He was very nice and started out by stating that usually a couple that has a miscarriage ends up pregnant again within six months with a baby that they take home.  Wow! 

I asked about the Fertil.Aid stuff I keep reading about and he said that he hadn't heard anything either way about it (he had heard of it though).  He felt that as long as I am taking a prenatal with enough folic acid, I am fine.  He asked what I was taking and how much (I am taking prenatals he prescribed, but I didn't let it bother me).  When I told him it's $120 for 90 days of the NeevoDHA that I am taking, he said that was outrageous and gave me stacks of samples and a "prescription" for some OTC prenatals that he says he likes.  The prescription is so that I can claim it on my FSA (flexible spending account).

I asked if our chance of having a miscarriage was increased now and he said no, not unless we have 3 did they consider us at risk to have more.  He said in that case if we decided to go the IVF route, then he would suggest the genetic testing, which has improved from PGD to another form where they actually biopsy day 5 blastocysts and can test about 8 cells as opposed to 1, which could always be the 1 bad cell in an embryo and then you've ruled out a perfectly good embryo.

I asked if he would recommend the Circle + Bloom.  He said that he didn't have any statistics but he was very interested in that and had heard of people loving it.  He seemed kind of glad that I was considering it.  He said that basically if it makes me feel better about what I am doing and more relaxed then it probably will help me.  He asked about acupuncture and when I told him how stressful making all those out-of-the-way trips to the acupuncturist were for me, he nodded and was fine with that.  I told him about my chiropractor and he said that while he had no proof that chiropractic helps, if it makes me feel like I am doing something and I feel better, than yes, I should keep it up.  He also said that if we needed a "prescription" for Circle + Bloom in order to claim it on FSA, he would be more than happy to write one.  It made me happy that he wasn't all anti doing more work just because the IRS is stupid.

I asked about testing and he wanted to re-do the STD panel since it had been almost a year, do TSH and thyroid antibody test, and test my prolactin.  So, we went ahead and had all that blood drawn yesterday.  I got stuck twice and almost passed out.  So embarrassing.

I asked what we should do if we got pregnant again on our own.  He raised his eyebrows and said, "Good question."  He said that he didn't think rushing to get progesterone was the answer.  He said that he really didn't think that helped in situations like mine.  If the HCG was low, progesterone would be headed down too.  Also, progesterone levels can change based on what you've eaten, whether you've been sitting, standing, or lying down, etc...  So, he said to call him as soon as we got a positive and come in for testing and monitoring and we'd go from there.  He said to also take some baby aspirin to increase blood flow to the uterus.  I think maybe I'll just get back on baby aspirin anyway.  I don't think it'll hurt, do you?

Then, we got to the subject that we had saved for last:  should we do IVF again now?  He said that if we really wanted to, he wouldn't stop us.  But, since we had gotten pregnant on our own, maybe an IUI with injectables would be the way to go.  But, he said he'd suggest no more than 2 rounds and then back to IVF if we aren't pregnant.  So, we are going to at least wait out the rest of this cycle and see what happens.  Then, give his nurse a call.

My husband and I went to lunch after the consultation and talked about how we felt about how it went.  We both felt good about seeing Dr. P and about the plan we had in place now.  We were relieved he wasn't all, "You have to go ahead and use your second round of IVF now or you'll lose it."

If we aren't pregnant after this cycle, I am going to give his nurse a call and order Circle + Bloom for IUI or IVF cycles.  I really want to be relaxed through all of this.  I am excited.  I am ready to get pregnant.

On a side note, I am trying really hard to pray and ask for God to give us a child in his time.  I want for our actions to glorify Him so I am asking for His leading.  My two best friends, who are sisters (14 months apart in age) are both pregnant, about 3 weeks apart.  One is pregnant with her second and the other is pregnant with her first following two miscarriages that they suffered two months in a row.  I am happy for them.  I am praying for them.  I want so badly to be pregnant with them because I think it would be so much fun.  But, I think I'll love being pregnant no matter when God decides it will happen for us.

Lots Going On

So, I finally got a visit from AF on Saturday.  It was a pretty usual AF for me.  I had spotting on Friday and cramping on Thursday and Friday.  Then, I bled a ton Saturday and Sunday and had spotting Monday and Tuesday and have had nothing ever since.  I was kind of hoping that AF would stick around for longer.  Doesn't that mean that I am not really getting a good lining?

Anyway, tomorrow is our appointment with our RE.  I am kind of nervous b/c I have no idea what he'll say or what we'll say.  I have a few questions written down, but I don't know what to ask.  I'm going to ask about testing like the glucose test, my thyroid, doing a day 3 and a day 21 panel since it's been so long, maybe testing DHEAS.  I am going to ask him if anyone really gets any benefit from using that Fertil.aid stuff I read about on a lot of infertility websites. I am going to ask about the miscarriage and what my chances are of having another one.  I am also going to ask what to do this month to catch a natural pregnancy early (okay, I admit that's a long shot, but JIC).  When should I start testing?  Should I go ahead right away and use some of the progesterone I already have, just call them, or what?  I am going to ask him how many of his patients have used the Circle + Bloom meditations.  I am really thinking about getting that if we do IVF again.

I am excited and nervous.  It has been a stressful couple of weeks at work.  I've been getting to work at 7 or 7:30 and not leaving until 7,8,8:30, then it takes me an hour to get home and we still have to cook and eat and do our Bible study stuff.  I am pooped.  Thankfully, our 10-Q is files along with all the other special filings we had to do for the acquisition we are doing.  Another company wants to buy up all our stock and take us over now.  Lovely.  It's going to be an interesting rest of the year for us.  I refuse to get stressed.  I keep telling myself that.

Anway, what else should I ask the RE?  Any ideas?

Being Fruitful in Other Ways

My hubby and I have found other ways to be fruitful this summer. We have put in a couple of raised beds in our back yard and made one the beginnings of a flower bed for perennials (lilies and such that like tons of sun) and the other for vegetables. Since it was a new bed and we had laid a foundation of newspaper to keep out the bermuda grass (which didn't 100% keep it all out), we only planted a few things. We planted 3 strawberry plants, 2 jalapeno plants, and 2 green bell pepper plants. I really wanted tomatoes but I knew the roots would be too deep, so we bought a Topsy Turvy tree. We could have planted up to 6 tomato plants and three of something else like herbs or squash or zucchini. But we stuck with 3 tomato plants and one more strawberry just to see what happened. Then I later found out that strawberries are really perennials amd grow like vines, sending out "shooters" making new plants. Also, they do better the 2nd and 3rd years. Live and learn.

We have lots of green tomatoes right now. We have had a total of 3 tiny bell peppers and read recently that you have to fertilize those or they won't produce. So we've been fertilizing, but it may be a little too late. I just spoke with a couple at church this morning and they haven't used any fertilizer but they think it's because of their mulch.  We went out and bought the good compost from this place in a city close to us, so I am not sure what else we could have done.  The strawberry plants are sending out shooters like mad but we haven't gotten many strawberries and the ones we have had aren't the sweetest. So I need to research that, too. But...

I have said all this to build up to the big producers. Our jalapeno plants are creating so many peppers! My hubby is keeping a tally and we've picked 142 so far! We've made stuffed jalapenos and given tons away to coworkers. We made this yummy jalapeno stuffed chicken this past week. Then this weekend, I made jalapeno pepper jelly and canned pickled jalapenos! The jelly turned out sweeter than I thought it would be but it was good and it ended up making 10 4oz. jars. I got 3 jars of pickled jalapenos, which will make good pepper sauce to give as gifts at Christmas. I figure I'll probably be canning every couple of weeks this summer.  I'm hoping to have enough tomatoes to can as well!  The peppers pictured above were made into the jelly and pepper sauce pictured below.

So, do you have a vegetable garden this summer?  What are you growing?

The End...and Possibly the Beginning

Last Friday's bloodtest turned out to have a negative Beta.  By Sunday, I finally stopped spotting.  I'm so thankful.  The nurse informed me that she has no idea when I'll get my next period and it will possible be horribly heavy and painful and probably disgusting.  Has anyone else experienced that in their first period after a miscarriage?  How long did it take for AF to come back for you.  And, she also said that Dr. P is ready for us to come back for our second round of IVF.  I was quite surprised because I had planned to ask her for a consultation with him once the tests were negative, but I was going to ask him what we should do next.  I mean, if we can get pregnant on our own, should we just wait and see?  Why does he want us to do IVF?  So, I asked her to set us up an appointment for the Friday after we file our 10-Q at work.  I figured that way if we do decide to start a cycle then, it will be a little less stressful.  Of course, we'll be kicking off the budget process, but I have been doing a pretty good job, I think, of not being so stressed at work.  I think I might look into getting some meditation downloads.  I have heard a lot of people talk about doing the Circle + Bloom stuff, so maybe I will research that.  But, I don't want to feel stressed because I didn't take the time out of a day to do the meditation.  We will see.  I want to hear what he has to say first.

So, it's the end of a pregnancy and miscarriage, but possibly the beginning of our next steps.  I am excited to start doing something. I have been praying really hard for God to lead us in these next steps.

How's It Going "Down There"

I know it's been a while since I have posted. I have wanted to post, but I am getting home very late these days from work. Let's see, I went to the RE the Wed. before 4th of July and had a follow up beta, which was 157.  This was a good sign that my body is resolving things on its own and I will not have to have a shot of Methotrexate.  I was still bleeding though, like on a period - the period that never ends!  On Saturday, July 2nd, I thought that everything was about to stop because I had hardly no bleeding for the first time in a LONG time.  Sunday there was still some blood, but not much.  I had been really dragging lately and Sunday it felt like a switch turned on and I suddenly had so much more energy.  I figured that my body was getting over the miscarriage and wasn't having to work so hard to get rid of everything.  I had read it was normal to be tired during a miscarriage.  Well, since then I have been spotting.  Sometimes it is light and sometimes it is heavy, but constantly spotting.  And, sometimes I have a few very small clots.  I went last Friday and my beta was 32.  So, I am going back tomorrow. 

I am dreading tomorrow.  I had been doing so well with the needles.  I was telling myself it was no big deal, I was remaining calm.  Well, there are two phlebotomists in my RE's office, both of whom were not there when I was going last fall.  One of them I had all my previous visits this time around up until the Wed. before July 4th.  Well, she had done fine.  She had commented that my vein was a little hard once, but had no trouble getting it on the first try.  Well, this other lady I have gotten the last two times and she can't seem to get my "good vein". 

The first time, she stuck me and couldn't get any and I told her that I'd rather be stuck again to having her dig around. She looked at my right arm, but preferred to try my left again.  She still didn't seem to think she was getting anything good, so she called over the other lady.  At this point in time, I had completely leaned forward so that my arm was really hanging down so the blood would really flow.  I am short, so those chairs aren't the best for me because I feel like I am reaching up to get my arm up there.  Still, I handled the whole thing fairly well.  I did say that if she dug in my arm, I really might cry.  She said I shouldn't cry because she'd end up crying with me.  Then the other lady said that I was talking too much when she came over there to see what was going on and she finally got my blood.  Apparently I was getting nervous.  That was our first encounter.

Last Friday, she called me back and I was telling myself, "stay calm, don't get worked up..."  I put my arm up there and she felt around and pushed with her finger on my vein, then called the other lady over.  Then, they begin discussing how my vein is sitting on the tendon in my arm and they'll have to go shallow.  Well, at this point in time, I am all out headed for a panic attack.  One of them looked at the other and said "she's panicking".  Then, they told me to breathe and let me calm down a bit before the stuck me.  No blood.  Then, she starts digging around and I had to tell her twice not to dig around to just stick me again.  Then, they go for my right arm and start tapping and saying things like "superficial" about my veins.  No idea what that means.  I finally starting feeling a tightness in my throat and a teensy bit light-headed and said "I think I should lay down".  I went into the room and let my arm hang down and she had no trouble getting blood.  I may ask them to lay me down in the future just so that my arm can really hang down.  Does anyone else have this kind of trouble?  I had never had trouble in the few times before I started with IF treatments that I'd had blood drawn or gotten IV's

Oh, and while I am on a roll, that is not the only thing. Probably the reason I had such a hard time keeping calm on Friday was that I got to the office and signed in and sat down and 10 minutes later the receptionist calls me up and says that I'm not on the schedule.  Then, she smiles and looks at me.  I informed her that my nurse made the appointment for me the previous Wed. for 7:30am and told her what I was there for.  I felt irritated that she let me sit there for 10 minutes before calling me up there and then after she told me, she just stared at me instead of apologizing and saying "but, let's get you on the schedule and taken care of."  It wasn't like they were super busy or anything.  I really wasn't upset that much that I wasn't on the schedule because accidents happen and it was just a bloodwork appointment, people!  It's not that difficult.

Okay, so a quick "update" has turned into quite the post.  But, I apparently needed to get that off my shoulders.  I am having to work extra hard to keep from getting stressed out because we have so much going on at work.  We are about to go through the purchase of a company the same size as ours, roughly, so this should be an interesting few months!

Vacation

With all the other drama going on, I never really blogged about our vacation last month.  It was so much fun!  We left on Thursday night, May 12 and drove halfway to Tampa.  We drove the rest of the way down on Friday and then went to Busch Gardens and rode everything!  We went back on Saturday and rode a couple of rides but mostly we went to all the different animal attractions and went to several shops.  It rained that day, too.  We went to a free Michael W. Smith concert that evening as well.  We really enjoyed Busch Gardens.

On Sunday, we boarded the Carnival Legend.  We had a 7 day cruise to the Western Caribbean including Cozumel, Belize, Isla Roatan, and Grand Cayman.  We swam with dolphins, zip-lined, cave tubed, walked through the rain forest, layed on the beach, floated in the ocean, snorkeled, and shopped.  It was an amazing time!  We also spent quite a bit of time eating, laying by the pool, and going down the water slide!

Here I am on the slide:

Here is the slide:

Here is the view from our balcony (free upgrade!) 

 Here is the view when you zoom out.  It was an "obstructed balcony".

Here I am on the zip line in Belize!  After this we did cave tubing.

This is a view of Isla Roatan.  So beautiful!  We just did the beach this day.

Here we are snorkeling in Grand Cayman.

As you can see, we had a great time.  It was the perfect mix of being busy doing fun vacation activities and then spending time relaxing.  We love cruising!

How We're Feeling

I'd like to share more about how we are feeling right now; what our perspective is. First of all, we am very well aware that just because we can get pregnant does not mean we will stay pregnant. So, the fact that we can get pregnant, but have already had a miscarriage is not something to be super excited about. But, it gives us hope, and this is why:

We were able to create a life on our own, with no drugs or medical intervention. I was not counting days or taking OPKs, nothing. I do plan to do that, but I also plan for my husband and I to spend more time laughing together and trying to relax and enjoy life so that we'll have more chance of getting his sperm and my egg to play nice together. That way, I can test super early and start taking progesterone right away and go see the doctor before I can have a period-like bleed, etc... At least, that's our plan. I just have to balance the "tracking" with the apparent stress it causes me. I guess I get a little uptight about it.

But, I have stopped taking my temperature or any of that because it never did anything for me.  I am just taking notes on how I feel during the month.  I think that I am also going to track what food I eat so that I can see how I am eating compared to whether or not we get pregnant.  I have a http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ app on my phone so that I can do that pretty easily.

Speaking of food, I thought that that was my whole problem.  Obviously not.   I mean, we conceived on our vacation.  Do you know what we ate and how much?  A lot.  Everything.  Tons of fattening sugary desserts, fried foods, foods in other countries, etc...  And icecream in between.  Plus, the week before our vacation, I was so stretched, I knew there was no way we could get pregnant.  I figured it would be this month, the month after we got back and I was still relaxed if it was going to happen.  I mean, the week leading up to our vacation I was up until midnight every night, getting up at 5 every morning.  I was working late to get the forecast done, staying up late to help our new churh financial secretary get the financials done since they'd waited to ask for help, and helping how I could with laundry and packing.  We were both exhausted by the time we got on that ship.  Maybe it really was all the sun I got.  Laying in the sun does relax me a lot.  I think I might get one of those cheap folding chairs you can lay on for my back yard.  Maybe that will simulate laying on the beach.

I know that this is a super long post, and I appreciate you for listening.  What do you think about our perspective and our plan?

What we feared

Well the numbers went down by half today. My beta result was a 545. I am going back next Wed to make sure my body is taking care of things on its own. We are sad yet more hopeful than we were before.

Well it's not bad news exactly...

...But it also isn't good news. Apparently they aren't sure what to think. My beta is 1,143. My nurse said that they would like to see it increase by at least 60% every two days, which would have been about 1,200 on Saturday. Well, today is Monday and I am only at 1,143. Dr. P thinks it could be a slow-growing embryo. Bless her heart, my nurse got on the phone and said that she didn't know how to take my results. She did say that the nasty blockage in my vag is normal. After I thought about it I emailed her to tell her that it was black (since I really couldn't say it sitting on the phone in my cubicle) so I couldn't tell if the black was because I was still bleeding or because of residual blood. I also asked about the pain I have been having in one spot at the intersection about one inch from the bend between my abdomen and thigh and halfway between my hip bone and pubic bone. Almost every time I have gas, I also have pain here, so I wasn't sure what was causing it and it wasn't constant. She said that it could be round ligament pain and the fact that it wasn't constant was a good sign to her. She also said that I needed to reach up there and pull as much of that buildup from the Crinone out so that we could see if I was still bleeding and also that if I was bleeding a lot - enough to really be worried - that it would be running down my leg and the Crinone wouldn't be able to "bioadhese" like it has.

So, she really set my mind at ease about those things. I am well aware that the numbers could mean an ectopic pregnancy or one that just won't last. I am still hopeful and still praying. Dr. P wants to do bloodwork again on Wednesday morning. So, that also makes me hopeful. If he thought it was an ectopic, I would think he'd want to do an ultrasound or something, right? Don't they usually want to get those taken care of right away?

What does this all sound like to you? Does anyone have any advice like should I be laying around or being active or is there something I should be eating that you've heard helps the lining thicken and the embryo grow faster?

What Will Happen Tomorrow?

I am going back to the RE tomorrow to have another beta.  I think that I am prepared for anything.  I really thought all the mid-cycle spotting might be an early miscarriage from the beginning and I really didn't even want to know if  it was.  But, then I really did want to know.  Now, I just want to see what is going on in my body.  Am I really pregnant?  Is it a blighted ovum, ectopic, a miscarriage?  I have googled everything based on my HCG and Progesterone.  But, I have prayed these last few days.  I have prayed that God would do His will in our lives.  I have prayed for peace.  I have prayed for the baby that is hopefully growing inside of me. 

I have been tired this weekend.  I have been trying to think about whether anything was different this past month.  I do remember my boobs being sore for about a day or two when it was about a week before my period was supposed to start.  Also, I had cramps that started earlier than usual and I remember being annoyed by it.  I am guessing that it was implantation cramps...and I had some spotting at the same time.  I don't usually have spotting before my period then it stops like that.  I am just worried about all the bleeding.  I thought that I had stopped bleeding the day after I started taking the Crinone but then it started again on Saturday.  I had been pretty active Friday night and Saturday morning.  So, I thought that was why.  But, to be honest, I googled Crinone side effects and realized that you can have discharge and buildup from it.  Crunchy discharge.  ***TMI Alert***  Since I have had bleeding, the Crinone discharge is black.  It is super gross.  But, if this leads to a healthy baby, I welcome it. 

Anyway, I am just going into tomorrow morning with positive thoughts and prayers.  I feel excited.

Oh, and I did really well for my blood draw on Thursday.  I was proud of me.  :)

Happy Monday everyone!

And the Answer Is...

I got a blood test today for pregnancy and progesterone. My HCG is 811 and my progesterone is 4.5. When I heard the HCG level from the nurse, it sounded pretty high. But, if I count from the first day of my last period (not counting the bleeding 2 weeks ago), I would be about 6 weeks. When I look on all the websites, that seems low. The nurse told me that the progesterone was low but that Dr. P wasn't really worried. I think he just didn't want me to worry because I just googled and it's supposed to be at least 10, they say. But, I can't worry. I can just pray. We are excited! The doctor gave me some samples of Crinone cream to insert every morning, to help support my progesterone levels. So, hopefully the bleeding will stop. I can't worry. I know I already said that, but I have to keep saying it.

I am going back on Monday for another beta and progesterone check.  Please say some prayers for us.

Until then, here's the little stick that started it all today:

One little word, but it speaks volumes, doesn't it?

Waiting and Wondering

I am still bleeding and having some cramping. Yesterday was day 13 and I started doing OPKs. It was positive! Instead of being excited I was concerned, suspicious of the thing that I had been suspecting all along but couldn't even bring myself to admit to you all.

I know that LH and HCG have similar properties. So I consulted Dr. Google. Yep. A positive OPK can sometimes mean pregnancy, but a HPT will only show positive pregnancy. So when I got home from Bible study last night I did one of the cheapo HPTs I have. There were two lines. I did one of the nice ones this morning and got a pregnant. I have a call in with my RE's nurse. I hope she calls me back soon. On the one hand I am excited that I can get pregnant. But I'm afraid it is an early miscarriage. Before I jump to conclusions, I'd like to have something confirmed. Please say a prayer for me and my hubby. I am uncharacteristicly calm and hoping I can stay that way.

Should I Be Concerned?

I interrupt this blog to reach out for...I don't know what. Advice? Comforting? I don't know. So, I'll get down to it. Be prepared for some serious TMI!

I received a visit from Aunt Flo last Friday (Apr 3). Usually, she sticks around for two days only then I maybe have some little spotting for a couple of days. Every once in a while, I might have a heavy "spot" or two on day 5ish.

Well, this time she visited for 3 full days! I was thinking, Wow! my uterine lining is all happy because I'm so relaxed from my vacation! Then, I had hardly no spotting. Then, yesterday, Friday, day 8, I had cramping. Not the worst cramping like I have every day 1 like clockwork, but maybe a level down from that. When I went to the restroom at the restaurant we went to in Midtown last night, there was a very heavy spot of very dark blood on my underwear! Then, when I got home, there was still plenty of blood. So much that when I stood up, there was blood floating in the water, so I guess I was dripping blood into the toilet! Then, today, I've been having the same situation. Cramping and seriously heavy spotting.

What does this mean? Is this normal? It's not normal for me! Could it be caused by being so hot? I've gained a few pounds lately since vacation and I stopped abstaining from gluten and dairy.  Should I call a doctor or ignore it ans see how long it keeps going on?  Should I start my OPKs on day 10 like normal (I skipped last month since I was cruising)?

Still Here

I am going to try to blog something on here at least once a month, hopefully more.  The husband and I went away for a long vacation!  It was great!  I will have to do a longer post on it soon, but for now, a picture.

Or two

The first is a picture of our cruise ship from Grand Cayman and the second is a picture of me about to go down the slide on our ship!

Been A Long Time

I know it has been a long time.  I have been trying to spend less time at work and more time with my husband.  Plus, there's not been much time leftover when I am going to therapy for an hour every Monday evening and the Chiropractor every Tuesday and Thursday.  Well, I am down to going to the Chiropractor once every other week for now.  I am still having some mild back pain off and on, but it's usually when I am sitting wrong for a long time or something like that.  I have gotten two positive Ovulation kits (Feb and Mar) but then this month I didn't get one for sure (the line wasn't as dark as the control line). 

Therapy is...interesting.  This is what is basically has consisted of:

• Talking about things that make me feel frustrated and/or stressed out then coming up with the things I can do/think differently to keep from getting frustrated in those positions, or saying just avoid them.
• Sitting back in one of those massage chairs wearing headphones listening to my psychologist from another room saying things like (and I'm not kidding) "Feeeeel relaaaaaxed.  Feeeeel gooooooood.  Let your hands feeeeel relaaaaxed, let them get very heavy..."  and so on and so forth.
• I have been informed that it is my choice to feel stressed out and I have to choose not to be.
• I have finally informed him that I want to pinpoint specific things that I need to deal with and stop discussing various general things that stress me out and make me feel bad about myself because I need to pray about those things and ask God to help me as I have these things going on in my life that I don't like are put there by God.  Obviously he wants me to go through these trials.  I need to find joy in my life (with the understanding that joy described in the Bible is not the same thing as "happiness").
• So, we are now talking about how I can't stand when other people invade my personal space without my permission, how much I can't stand doctors and I don't trust them, and my issues with needles.  I think I have caused some frustration for him b/c he seems to want to be able to figure out why I have issues with needles to begin with and the fact is, I don't know!

I really didn't think that it was helping any, but lately I have noticed that I get stressed out less often and when I do get stressed out, it doesn't seem to be as bad. 

We had 12 people besides my husband and I over to our house this past Saturday evening for a game night.  Usually, everyone getting there at the same time and handing me something they've brought or wanting to talk to me will get me all stressed out so much that it would take me half the night to feel like a normal person again.  Well, we were behind on cooking, so my sister and her husband were helping me as well as two of my closest girlfriends and everyone else was walking in and out of the kitchen talking to us or standing in the living room talking.  I was having to tell everyone what to do since I had the plan in my head.  I was remaining fairly calm.  My sister even commented that I would be a good kitchen manager.

I'm still not sure if I am okay with needles.  I mean, how do you tell yourself it's perfectly fine to let someone purposefully stick you with a needle? 

Anyway, that's a taster of what's going on.  I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted.  I even took about a 3 week break from reading blogs (not on intentionally, it just happened, but I wasn't real sad about not keeping up while I wasn't reading).  But, I have been reading the last few weeks.

My husband and I are also planning to go on a 7 day cruise and a one-day trip to Busch Gardens in a couple of weeks!  I can't wait!

So It Goes

Well, I am not pregnant.  I started right on time.  And, my cramps were back and just as bad as usual.  I was really surprised, but I was disappointed.  Maybe this month.  The chiropractor is taking a more aggressive approach and is going from using an activator to adjusting me using a drop table.  Things have been crazy lately, but I do still intend to blog about what's going on at the therapist's office.

Two Lines

I mentioned in my last post that I'd been seeing the Chiropractor.  When I went, the Chiropractor listened to where my pains were (I have lots) and felt around an informed me that the area of my lower back that has been causing me pain for a couple of years, which had several vertebrae out of place, is where all the nerves are that control my reproductive organs!  Wow.  Of course he said that he can't promise that it will help my infertility but they can definitely help with my pain.  I've been going for about 3 weeks now and I feel much better.  I went for my first adjustment on a Thursday then started AF over the same weekend and had absolutely no cramps.  That is a major hurdle in and of itself.  Then, at the request of my husband, I have been doing the OPK strips (the cheap-o's) this month.  Today was day 18 and I got two dark lines!  Yay!  I have not really, for sure, ovulated on my own in a long time.  I mean, before I would sometimes get a faint line or a "maybe that's as dark as the control line, but I'm not sure" line.  And, always day 18-19, which is probably a little late - but my cycle last 30-32 days generally.  But, this morning it was for sure two lines the same darkness!  So, what did I do...I woke my husband up to inform him!  He certainly didn't mind. ;)

So, even though I know that you can get a positive and not ovulate and you can get a negative and still ovulate with those OPKs, that's still better than many of the tests I have done in the past.  I also am very aware that I could have been ovulating all along and getting a fertilized egg all along and the poor things have been dying b/c my ovaries suck the life out of them before they are even released.  Or, probably my lining isn't thick enough b/c my estrogen is crazy, so they may not be properly implanting.  So, I am not getting my hopes up, but this is definitely a positive sign!  Yay!

Random Funny

So, I was just commenting on Angie's blog and my little word that I have to type to prove I'm a real person was "fatiesse".  I looked it up on dictionary.com and it's not a real word, but dictionary.com offered:  did you mean fatties?  Nice.  Now I am sucking in my stomach.  :)

Follow up on the Last Post

Hi Everyone!  Thanks for all the input from my last post.  I have been meaning to look for a new Gyn for a while, but I keep telling myself I'll wait until I'm pregnant to pick one.  Why, I don't know.  He is a nice guy, but he has said too many things like that to me for me to actually think he knows what he's talking about.  I do not have PCOS.  He thought I might after doing a day 3 blood test including glucose test incorrectly by not telling me to fast, but my first RE confirmed that I did not have PCOS and my second RE never thought it looked like I did either.  Everyone seems to think I have ovarian issues.  I guess it is my own laziness that is to blame for me still going to see him.  But, there is one other thing - when he does the pap smear, it doesn't hurt.  I barely even feel it.  Every other Gyn that I have been to it has been very uncomfortable and sometimes actually painful.  But, I guess I just need to get over that.  I guess my other excuse has been that I only go to him now for my annual appointment and I see the RE for the issues I have.  But enough is enough.  There are enough doctors to choose from in the Atlanta area that I should be able to find someone I like.

Hopefully in my next post I'll talk some about what I've been going through with the psychologist I've been seeing.  I've also been seeing a Chiropractor and my back is feeling so much better. I have a lot to tell!

Quick Question

Okay, this is just a quick post to ask a question to all of my bloggie friends out there.

Yesterday I went for my annual ob/gyn visit.  I will say here that I go back and forth between liking and not liking him.  He does seem like a nice man.  I would never have a baby with his practice b/c I have a good friend that goes there as well and she had some not so great experiences with them while going through the pregnancy process.  Also, he is the one who (or maybe his office) failed to tell  me to fast for my first day 3 blood work, so my blood sugar was high (obvi) and instead of re-testing me at his own cost, put me on terrible Metformin (blah). 

Anyway, I digress.

So, my ob/gyn comes in and says so, are you actively trying to get pregnant.  Yes.  How long?  3 years.  Nods.  (Really, buddy, you should know this).  Are you still having regular periods?  Yes.  Well, that's good, at least we know you're ovulating.  I am certain I am not.  You  have to be.  You wouldn't be having regular periods if you weren't.  We could do a day 24 blood test for your progesterone levels and I'll prove it to you.  No.  I've done everything and I don't want any more tests.  Have you charted your temperature?  Yes, they are all over the place.  My temperature tells me nothing.  Silently nods.

I did try to soften it by telling him I know he's an expert, but I am not a normal case.

Obviously my therapy has not begun dealing with my issues with doctors. 

However, I was told by my first RE that they could test progesterone and do OPKs, but the only way to be absolutely certain that I ovulate is to hold the u/s wand in my vagina and watch it happen, which obviously isn't an option.

So, what have you all been told/read?  Can you have regular periods and not ovulate.  I mean, in the 3 years I have been TTC, I have had 2 very late periods (and strangely, they both came the first month I began seeing a new RE).

Stylish Blogger Award

Angie over at Random Thoughts from Angie has graciously awarded me with the Stylish Blogger Award!  How thoughtful!

The rules for accepting this award are:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Award 15 other bloggers.

4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.


Here are seven things about me:

1.  I am really short.  Only about 5'1".

2.  I can't stand watching the super stupid movies, like Ace Venture or Dumb and Dumber.

3.  I enjoy gardening - when it's warm outside.

4.  I like to clip coupons and save tons of money when I go grocery shopping.  I feel disappointed if I don't save 40-50% when I go grocery shopping.

5.  I love red grapefruit.  It's kind of like candy.

6.  I like action movies like Indiana Jones, Die Hard...stuff like that.

7.  I recently tried Peanut Butter Snickers and they are delicious!

I don't regularly follow 15 blogs that haven't already posted about the award, so I will list the ones that I love reading that I don't see the award listed on their recent posts.

I'd like to share this award with:

Murgdan
Baby Baker
Rebecca
Nick and Kristi
Jen
Mummy in Waiting
My Infertile Confessions
Uneggsplained
AP
Jess/ Glass Case of Emotion
Andrea

Happy ICLW!

Happy ICLW!  For those of you who don't know what ICLW is, you can read all about it here on the Stirrup Queens website.

Just to give you a little information about myself, I am 31 years old (at least for a few more months) and I have been married for 7 years and TTC for 3 years.  I have had 4 IUIs and 1 IVF, all failures.  I've been to two REs, 2 acupuncturists, and a nutritionist.  Currently, I am on hold on all other treatments and seeing a therapist.  According to my current RE, I'm too stressed out for treatment to work.  Great. 

Let's see what else I can tell you about me that is fun and non-infertility related - maybe even something new for my blog readers altogether.  I have 3 super cute, super sweet cats.  The Controller at my company was showing me pictures of her cats the other day and she was just so excited about them.  She said, "I'm addicted to my cats!"  That's how I feel.  I love them and they are like my kids for now.  My husband and I both spoil them rotten.  I enjoy scrapbooking but haven't done much lately.  I did make all of our Christmas cards for 2 years in a row (2009 and 2010).  That is an undertaking!  I've already purchased next years in "after Christmas" sales.  I can actually put my creative energies into scrapbooking in 2011.  I have decided to pick up crocheting because I have always wanted to.  My mom was an avid crocheter and she taught me the basics, and I am surprised that I am picking it up pretty quickly.  My church has a new ministry where we sew, crochet, and knit little blankets, hats, and booties for preemies and still borns at the hospitals in our area.  I want to be able to participate in that.  I enjoy reading and I am currently reading 3 books:  Persuasion by Jane Austen, Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney, and The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis.  I am an accountant by trade and I do work in a pretty stressful position in my job. 

So, there.  That's me in a nutshell.  Please feel free to comment!  I'd love to hear from you and be able to link back over to your blog and read all about what's going on with you!

Snow in Atlanta!

It snowed Sunday night and most of Monday morning.  We got about 7 inches.  That is a lot for the Atlanta area, for those of you who don't live here.  We are NOT equipped to deal with weather like that.  Before church, half the schools in area had already announced closing and obviously it had not even started snowing yet!  I had to work from home today.  I hate WFH!  I just want to curl up with a good book with a cat or two laying on my legs and feet.  But instead, I was tied to my laptop (but I still had Maxwell on my legs some of the time).  I was not the most productive person today, but I did get more done than I thought I would.  I guess when it snows, the only way birds can keep warm enough to stay alive is to fluff up their feathers and eat.  So, they did.  My husband filled up all the bird feeders yesterday when we got home from church, and I am glad he did.  The cats were so excited, they did not get their usual "day of cat naps" which means they sleep all day until we get home.  So, they are all three asleep right now. 

The top picture is a picture of our backyard at 7am today.  The second one is Mathilda trying not to fall asleep this afternoon after a long hard day of bird-watching (and chattering and tail swishing and running from the front window to the back window to get the best looks at the best birds).  (And, yes, there are crumbs in the chair.  I am a little annoyed they are in the picture, but I didn't realize they had been left there until after I'd gotten the super cute pic).  The third one is of Sampson bird-watching later in the day (note the empty bird feeder, which was full in the morning).  Then, last but definitely not least, is Maxwell, watching birds.  The funny thing about that picture is that you can really see all the nose prints I desperately need to wash off the window.  None of my pictures have been great quality lately.  I need to work on getting the setting right on my camera for various picture taking opportunities.