How We're Feeling

I'd like to share more about how we are feeling right now; what our perspective is. First of all, we am very well aware that just because we can get pregnant does not mean we will stay pregnant. So, the fact that we can get pregnant, but have already had a miscarriage is not something to be super excited about. But, it gives us hope, and this is why:

We were able to create a life on our own, with no drugs or medical intervention. I was not counting days or taking OPKs, nothing. I do plan to do that, but I also plan for my husband and I to spend more time laughing together and trying to relax and enjoy life so that we'll have more chance of getting his sperm and my egg to play nice together. That way, I can test super early and start taking progesterone right away and go see the doctor before I can have a period-like bleed, etc... At least, that's our plan. I just have to balance the "tracking" with the apparent stress it causes me. I guess I get a little uptight about it.

But, I have stopped taking my temperature or any of that because it never did anything for me.  I am just taking notes on how I feel during the month.  I think that I am also going to track what food I eat so that I can see how I am eating compared to whether or not we get pregnant.  I have a http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ app on my phone so that I can do that pretty easily.

Speaking of food, I thought that that was my whole problem.  Obviously not.   I mean, we conceived on our vacation.  Do you know what we ate and how much?  A lot.  Everything.  Tons of fattening sugary desserts, fried foods, foods in other countries, etc...  And icecream in between.  Plus, the week before our vacation, I was so stretched, I knew there was no way we could get pregnant.  I figured it would be this month, the month after we got back and I was still relaxed if it was going to happen.  I mean, the week leading up to our vacation I was up until midnight every night, getting up at 5 every morning.  I was working late to get the forecast done, staying up late to help our new churh financial secretary get the financials done since they'd waited to ask for help, and helping how I could with laundry and packing.  We were both exhausted by the time we got on that ship.  Maybe it really was all the sun I got.  Laying in the sun does relax me a lot.  I think I might get one of those cheap folding chairs you can lay on for my back yard.  Maybe that will simulate laying on the beach.

I know that this is a super long post, and I appreciate you for listening.  What do you think about our perspective and our plan?

What we feared

Well the numbers went down by half today. My beta result was a 545. I am going back next Wed to make sure my body is taking care of things on its own. We are sad yet more hopeful than we were before.

Well it's not bad news exactly...

...But it also isn't good news. Apparently they aren't sure what to think. My beta is 1,143. My nurse said that they would like to see it increase by at least 60% every two days, which would have been about 1,200 on Saturday. Well, today is Monday and I am only at 1,143. Dr. P thinks it could be a slow-growing embryo. Bless her heart, my nurse got on the phone and said that she didn't know how to take my results. She did say that the nasty blockage in my vag is normal. After I thought about it I emailed her to tell her that it was black (since I really couldn't say it sitting on the phone in my cubicle) so I couldn't tell if the black was because I was still bleeding or because of residual blood. I also asked about the pain I have been having in one spot at the intersection about one inch from the bend between my abdomen and thigh and halfway between my hip bone and pubic bone. Almost every time I have gas, I also have pain here, so I wasn't sure what was causing it and it wasn't constant. She said that it could be round ligament pain and the fact that it wasn't constant was a good sign to her. She also said that I needed to reach up there and pull as much of that buildup from the Crinone out so that we could see if I was still bleeding and also that if I was bleeding a lot - enough to really be worried - that it would be running down my leg and the Crinone wouldn't be able to "bioadhese" like it has.

So, she really set my mind at ease about those things. I am well aware that the numbers could mean an ectopic pregnancy or one that just won't last. I am still hopeful and still praying. Dr. P wants to do bloodwork again on Wednesday morning. So, that also makes me hopeful. If he thought it was an ectopic, I would think he'd want to do an ultrasound or something, right? Don't they usually want to get those taken care of right away?

What does this all sound like to you? Does anyone have any advice like should I be laying around or being active or is there something I should be eating that you've heard helps the lining thicken and the embryo grow faster?

What Will Happen Tomorrow?

I am going back to the RE tomorrow to have another beta.  I think that I am prepared for anything.  I really thought all the mid-cycle spotting might be an early miscarriage from the beginning and I really didn't even want to know if  it was.  But, then I really did want to know.  Now, I just want to see what is going on in my body.  Am I really pregnant?  Is it a blighted ovum, ectopic, a miscarriage?  I have googled everything based on my HCG and Progesterone.  But, I have prayed these last few days.  I have prayed that God would do His will in our lives.  I have prayed for peace.  I have prayed for the baby that is hopefully growing inside of me. 

I have been tired this weekend.  I have been trying to think about whether anything was different this past month.  I do remember my boobs being sore for about a day or two when it was about a week before my period was supposed to start.  Also, I had cramps that started earlier than usual and I remember being annoyed by it.  I am guessing that it was implantation cramps...and I had some spotting at the same time.  I don't usually have spotting before my period then it stops like that.  I am just worried about all the bleeding.  I thought that I had stopped bleeding the day after I started taking the Crinone but then it started again on Saturday.  I had been pretty active Friday night and Saturday morning.  So, I thought that was why.  But, to be honest, I googled Crinone side effects and realized that you can have discharge and buildup from it.  Crunchy discharge.  ***TMI Alert***  Since I have had bleeding, the Crinone discharge is black.  It is super gross.  But, if this leads to a healthy baby, I welcome it. 

Anyway, I am just going into tomorrow morning with positive thoughts and prayers.  I feel excited.

Oh, and I did really well for my blood draw on Thursday.  I was proud of me.  :)

Happy Monday everyone!

And the Answer Is...

I got a blood test today for pregnancy and progesterone. My HCG is 811 and my progesterone is 4.5. When I heard the HCG level from the nurse, it sounded pretty high. But, if I count from the first day of my last period (not counting the bleeding 2 weeks ago), I would be about 6 weeks. When I look on all the websites, that seems low. The nurse told me that the progesterone was low but that Dr. P wasn't really worried. I think he just didn't want me to worry because I just googled and it's supposed to be at least 10, they say. But, I can't worry. I can just pray. We are excited! The doctor gave me some samples of Crinone cream to insert every morning, to help support my progesterone levels. So, hopefully the bleeding will stop. I can't worry. I know I already said that, but I have to keep saying it.

I am going back on Monday for another beta and progesterone check.  Please say some prayers for us.

Until then, here's the little stick that started it all today:

One little word, but it speaks volumes, doesn't it?

Waiting and Wondering

I am still bleeding and having some cramping. Yesterday was day 13 and I started doing OPKs. It was positive! Instead of being excited I was concerned, suspicious of the thing that I had been suspecting all along but couldn't even bring myself to admit to you all.

I know that LH and HCG have similar properties. So I consulted Dr. Google. Yep. A positive OPK can sometimes mean pregnancy, but a HPT will only show positive pregnancy. So when I got home from Bible study last night I did one of the cheapo HPTs I have. There were two lines. I did one of the nice ones this morning and got a pregnant. I have a call in with my RE's nurse. I hope she calls me back soon. On the one hand I am excited that I can get pregnant. But I'm afraid it is an early miscarriage. Before I jump to conclusions, I'd like to have something confirmed. Please say a prayer for me and my hubby. I am uncharacteristicly calm and hoping I can stay that way.

Should I Be Concerned?

I interrupt this blog to reach out for...I don't know what. Advice? Comforting? I don't know. So, I'll get down to it. Be prepared for some serious TMI!

I received a visit from Aunt Flo last Friday (Apr 3). Usually, she sticks around for two days only then I maybe have some little spotting for a couple of days. Every once in a while, I might have a heavy "spot" or two on day 5ish.

Well, this time she visited for 3 full days! I was thinking, Wow! my uterine lining is all happy because I'm so relaxed from my vacation! Then, I had hardly no spotting. Then, yesterday, Friday, day 8, I had cramping. Not the worst cramping like I have every day 1 like clockwork, but maybe a level down from that. When I went to the restroom at the restaurant we went to in Midtown last night, there was a very heavy spot of very dark blood on my underwear! Then, when I got home, there was still plenty of blood. So much that when I stood up, there was blood floating in the water, so I guess I was dripping blood into the toilet! Then, today, I've been having the same situation. Cramping and seriously heavy spotting.

What does this mean? Is this normal? It's not normal for me! Could it be caused by being so hot? I've gained a few pounds lately since vacation and I stopped abstaining from gluten and dairy.  Should I call a doctor or ignore it ans see how long it keeps going on?  Should I start my OPKs on day 10 like normal (I skipped last month since I was cruising)?

Still Here

I am going to try to blog something on here at least once a month, hopefully more.  The husband and I went away for a long vacation!  It was great!  I will have to do a longer post on it soon, but for now, a picture.

Or two

The first is a picture of our cruise ship from Grand Cayman and the second is a picture of me about to go down the slide on our ship!