Next Steps

Well, I have been taking HPTs and they have all been negative.  Today is day CD33 and I have started spotting and having cramps.  This morning's HPT was one of those Cle.ar Blu.e Ea.sy digital ones.  Instead of just having the one little pink line like on the other brands, I get a blaring "not pregnant".  I didn't really think that was very nice to see first thing in the morning.  Ah well.  I really didn't know what the chances were of us getting pregnant the first cycle after our  miscarriage, but I was hopeful. I know that God will give us children when it is the perfect timing in His plan. 

I got the results back from all the blood work done at my last appointment on Monday.  My thyroid antibodies were higher than they'd like (but they are always crazy since I have Hashimoto's) so my RE doubled my Levothyroxine.  My TSH was 4.3, which is on the higher side of normal according to some and way above normal according to the "new scale" some use.  My RE said I was normal.  Either way I am not worked up because guess how they would fix that - Levothyroxine.  My AMH was 1.6.  I need to look and see what it was the last time I had it taken about a year and a half ago.  I think it was about the same.  According to Dr. Google, that's normal.  Everything else was normal and I didn't ask the particulars.  The only other things they tested were the STDs they have to test annually while you are in treatment and Prolactin.

I just ordered Circle + Bloom.  I will start listening to it tomorrow, because it's too late today.  I am looking forward to seeing what this is all about.  I will also call my RE's IUI nurse when I get the visit from AF  in full force and we'll kick off my medicated IUI cycle.

Well, that's about all that's going on as far as IF.  I need to do a general life update, but I am too tired.  It's bedtime.  Hope you all have a good remainder of your week!

I Can't Believe It's Already ICLW Again!

I got to work today and realized it was ICLW and I didn't even realize it yesterday!  Ah!  I did read some blogs and comment yesterday, but not with as much purpose as I usually do (if that makes any sense). 

Well, I am in my 2WW right now on our first cycle after the miscarriage.  If this isn't our month, we'll try a couple of IUIs.  I've eaten pineapple the last couple of days because I've heard it's good for implantation.  I've also been taking baby aspirin to keep blood flow going down there.  I also felt like I might be slightly constipated (I know, TMI, sorry) so I have been taking Colace and Peri-Colace.  My chiropractor gave me some enzymes that should have helped with that.  I think it did at first, but hasn't been working as well as I'd like. 

I am going out of town to Dallas, TX for continuing education starting on Wednesday afternoon.  I haven't really been dwelling on it too much, but I am definitely going to start testing pretty early.  I got a positive OPK on day 19.  My cervix felt high, soft, open, and had EWCM on day 20.  My cycles are usually about 32 days.  So, I think I'll start testing on day 28 so that I can get to the RE ASAP if I get a positive to check on all my levels.

Does anyone else have any 2WW foods or activities they usually follow?

How Things Went with the Doctor

Yesterday's consultation with the RE went well.  He was very nice and started out by stating that usually a couple that has a miscarriage ends up pregnant again within six months with a baby that they take home.  Wow! 

I asked about the Fertil.Aid stuff I keep reading about and he said that he hadn't heard anything either way about it (he had heard of it though).  He felt that as long as I am taking a prenatal with enough folic acid, I am fine.  He asked what I was taking and how much (I am taking prenatals he prescribed, but I didn't let it bother me).  When I told him it's $120 for 90 days of the NeevoDHA that I am taking, he said that was outrageous and gave me stacks of samples and a "prescription" for some OTC prenatals that he says he likes.  The prescription is so that I can claim it on my FSA (flexible spending account).

I asked if our chance of having a miscarriage was increased now and he said no, not unless we have 3 did they consider us at risk to have more.  He said in that case if we decided to go the IVF route, then he would suggest the genetic testing, which has improved from PGD to another form where they actually biopsy day 5 blastocysts and can test about 8 cells as opposed to 1, which could always be the 1 bad cell in an embryo and then you've ruled out a perfectly good embryo.

I asked if he would recommend the Circle + Bloom.  He said that he didn't have any statistics but he was very interested in that and had heard of people loving it.  He seemed kind of glad that I was considering it.  He said that basically if it makes me feel better about what I am doing and more relaxed then it probably will help me.  He asked about acupuncture and when I told him how stressful making all those out-of-the-way trips to the acupuncturist were for me, he nodded and was fine with that.  I told him about my chiropractor and he said that while he had no proof that chiropractic helps, if it makes me feel like I am doing something and I feel better, than yes, I should keep it up.  He also said that if we needed a "prescription" for Circle + Bloom in order to claim it on FSA, he would be more than happy to write one.  It made me happy that he wasn't all anti doing more work just because the IRS is stupid.

I asked about testing and he wanted to re-do the STD panel since it had been almost a year, do TSH and thyroid antibody test, and test my prolactin.  So, we went ahead and had all that blood drawn yesterday.  I got stuck twice and almost passed out.  So embarrassing.

I asked what we should do if we got pregnant again on our own.  He raised his eyebrows and said, "Good question."  He said that he didn't think rushing to get progesterone was the answer.  He said that he really didn't think that helped in situations like mine.  If the HCG was low, progesterone would be headed down too.  Also, progesterone levels can change based on what you've eaten, whether you've been sitting, standing, or lying down, etc...  So, he said to call him as soon as we got a positive and come in for testing and monitoring and we'd go from there.  He said to also take some baby aspirin to increase blood flow to the uterus.  I think maybe I'll just get back on baby aspirin anyway.  I don't think it'll hurt, do you?

Then, we got to the subject that we had saved for last:  should we do IVF again now?  He said that if we really wanted to, he wouldn't stop us.  But, since we had gotten pregnant on our own, maybe an IUI with injectables would be the way to go.  But, he said he'd suggest no more than 2 rounds and then back to IVF if we aren't pregnant.  So, we are going to at least wait out the rest of this cycle and see what happens.  Then, give his nurse a call.

My husband and I went to lunch after the consultation and talked about how we felt about how it went.  We both felt good about seeing Dr. P and about the plan we had in place now.  We were relieved he wasn't all, "You have to go ahead and use your second round of IVF now or you'll lose it."

If we aren't pregnant after this cycle, I am going to give his nurse a call and order Circle + Bloom for IUI or IVF cycles.  I really want to be relaxed through all of this.  I am excited.  I am ready to get pregnant.

On a side note, I am trying really hard to pray and ask for God to give us a child in his time.  I want for our actions to glorify Him so I am asking for His leading.  My two best friends, who are sisters (14 months apart in age) are both pregnant, about 3 weeks apart.  One is pregnant with her second and the other is pregnant with her first following two miscarriages that they suffered two months in a row.  I am happy for them.  I am praying for them.  I want so badly to be pregnant with them because I think it would be so much fun.  But, I think I'll love being pregnant no matter when God decides it will happen for us.

Lots Going On

So, I finally got a visit from AF on Saturday.  It was a pretty usual AF for me.  I had spotting on Friday and cramping on Thursday and Friday.  Then, I bled a ton Saturday and Sunday and had spotting Monday and Tuesday and have had nothing ever since.  I was kind of hoping that AF would stick around for longer.  Doesn't that mean that I am not really getting a good lining?

Anyway, tomorrow is our appointment with our RE.  I am kind of nervous b/c I have no idea what he'll say or what we'll say.  I have a few questions written down, but I don't know what to ask.  I'm going to ask about testing like the glucose test, my thyroid, doing a day 3 and a day 21 panel since it's been so long, maybe testing DHEAS.  I am going to ask him if anyone really gets any benefit from using that Fertil.aid stuff I read about on a lot of infertility websites. I am going to ask about the miscarriage and what my chances are of having another one.  I am also going to ask what to do this month to catch a natural pregnancy early (okay, I admit that's a long shot, but JIC).  When should I start testing?  Should I go ahead right away and use some of the progesterone I already have, just call them, or what?  I am going to ask him how many of his patients have used the Circle + Bloom meditations.  I am really thinking about getting that if we do IVF again.

I am excited and nervous.  It has been a stressful couple of weeks at work.  I've been getting to work at 7 or 7:30 and not leaving until 7,8,8:30, then it takes me an hour to get home and we still have to cook and eat and do our Bible study stuff.  I am pooped.  Thankfully, our 10-Q is files along with all the other special filings we had to do for the acquisition we are doing.  Another company wants to buy up all our stock and take us over now.  Lovely.  It's going to be an interesting rest of the year for us.  I refuse to get stressed.  I keep telling myself that.

Anway, what else should I ask the RE?  Any ideas?

Being Fruitful in Other Ways

My hubby and I have found other ways to be fruitful this summer. We have put in a couple of raised beds in our back yard and made one the beginnings of a flower bed for perennials (lilies and such that like tons of sun) and the other for vegetables. Since it was a new bed and we had laid a foundation of newspaper to keep out the bermuda grass (which didn't 100% keep it all out), we only planted a few things. We planted 3 strawberry plants, 2 jalapeno plants, and 2 green bell pepper plants. I really wanted tomatoes but I knew the roots would be too deep, so we bought a Topsy Turvy tree. We could have planted up to 6 tomato plants and three of something else like herbs or squash or zucchini. But we stuck with 3 tomato plants and one more strawberry just to see what happened. Then I later found out that strawberries are really perennials amd grow like vines, sending out "shooters" making new plants. Also, they do better the 2nd and 3rd years. Live and learn.

We have lots of green tomatoes right now. We have had a total of 3 tiny bell peppers and read recently that you have to fertilize those or they won't produce. So we've been fertilizing, but it may be a little too late. I just spoke with a couple at church this morning and they haven't used any fertilizer but they think it's because of their mulch.  We went out and bought the good compost from this place in a city close to us, so I am not sure what else we could have done.  The strawberry plants are sending out shooters like mad but we haven't gotten many strawberries and the ones we have had aren't the sweetest. So I need to research that, too. But...

I have said all this to build up to the big producers. Our jalapeno plants are creating so many peppers! My hubby is keeping a tally and we've picked 142 so far! We've made stuffed jalapenos and given tons away to coworkers. We made this yummy jalapeno stuffed chicken this past week. Then this weekend, I made jalapeno pepper jelly and canned pickled jalapenos! The jelly turned out sweeter than I thought it would be but it was good and it ended up making 10 4oz. jars. I got 3 jars of pickled jalapenos, which will make good pepper sauce to give as gifts at Christmas. I figure I'll probably be canning every couple of weeks this summer.  I'm hoping to have enough tomatoes to can as well!  The peppers pictured above were made into the jelly and pepper sauce pictured below.

So, do you have a vegetable garden this summer?  What are you growing?

The End...and Possibly the Beginning

Last Friday's bloodtest turned out to have a negative Beta.  By Sunday, I finally stopped spotting.  I'm so thankful.  The nurse informed me that she has no idea when I'll get my next period and it will possible be horribly heavy and painful and probably disgusting.  Has anyone else experienced that in their first period after a miscarriage?  How long did it take for AF to come back for you.  And, she also said that Dr. P is ready for us to come back for our second round of IVF.  I was quite surprised because I had planned to ask her for a consultation with him once the tests were negative, but I was going to ask him what we should do next.  I mean, if we can get pregnant on our own, should we just wait and see?  Why does he want us to do IVF?  So, I asked her to set us up an appointment for the Friday after we file our 10-Q at work.  I figured that way if we do decide to start a cycle then, it will be a little less stressful.  Of course, we'll be kicking off the budget process, but I have been doing a pretty good job, I think, of not being so stressed at work.  I think I might look into getting some meditation downloads.  I have heard a lot of people talk about doing the Circle + Bloom stuff, so maybe I will research that.  But, I don't want to feel stressed because I didn't take the time out of a day to do the meditation.  We will see.  I want to hear what he has to say first.

So, it's the end of a pregnancy and miscarriage, but possibly the beginning of our next steps.  I am excited to start doing something. I have been praying really hard for God to lead us in these next steps.

How's It Going "Down There"

I know it's been a while since I have posted. I have wanted to post, but I am getting home very late these days from work. Let's see, I went to the RE the Wed. before 4th of July and had a follow up beta, which was 157.  This was a good sign that my body is resolving things on its own and I will not have to have a shot of Methotrexate.  I was still bleeding though, like on a period - the period that never ends!  On Saturday, July 2nd, I thought that everything was about to stop because I had hardly no bleeding for the first time in a LONG time.  Sunday there was still some blood, but not much.  I had been really dragging lately and Sunday it felt like a switch turned on and I suddenly had so much more energy.  I figured that my body was getting over the miscarriage and wasn't having to work so hard to get rid of everything.  I had read it was normal to be tired during a miscarriage.  Well, since then I have been spotting.  Sometimes it is light and sometimes it is heavy, but constantly spotting.  And, sometimes I have a few very small clots.  I went last Friday and my beta was 32.  So, I am going back tomorrow. 

I am dreading tomorrow.  I had been doing so well with the needles.  I was telling myself it was no big deal, I was remaining calm.  Well, there are two phlebotomists in my RE's office, both of whom were not there when I was going last fall.  One of them I had all my previous visits this time around up until the Wed. before July 4th.  Well, she had done fine.  She had commented that my vein was a little hard once, but had no trouble getting it on the first try.  Well, this other lady I have gotten the last two times and she can't seem to get my "good vein". 

The first time, she stuck me and couldn't get any and I told her that I'd rather be stuck again to having her dig around. She looked at my right arm, but preferred to try my left again.  She still didn't seem to think she was getting anything good, so she called over the other lady.  At this point in time, I had completely leaned forward so that my arm was really hanging down so the blood would really flow.  I am short, so those chairs aren't the best for me because I feel like I am reaching up to get my arm up there.  Still, I handled the whole thing fairly well.  I did say that if she dug in my arm, I really might cry.  She said I shouldn't cry because she'd end up crying with me.  Then the other lady said that I was talking too much when she came over there to see what was going on and she finally got my blood.  Apparently I was getting nervous.  That was our first encounter.

Last Friday, she called me back and I was telling myself, "stay calm, don't get worked up..."  I put my arm up there and she felt around and pushed with her finger on my vein, then called the other lady over.  Then, they begin discussing how my vein is sitting on the tendon in my arm and they'll have to go shallow.  Well, at this point in time, I am all out headed for a panic attack.  One of them looked at the other and said "she's panicking".  Then, they told me to breathe and let me calm down a bit before the stuck me.  No blood.  Then, she starts digging around and I had to tell her twice not to dig around to just stick me again.  Then, they go for my right arm and start tapping and saying things like "superficial" about my veins.  No idea what that means.  I finally starting feeling a tightness in my throat and a teensy bit light-headed and said "I think I should lay down".  I went into the room and let my arm hang down and she had no trouble getting blood.  I may ask them to lay me down in the future just so that my arm can really hang down.  Does anyone else have this kind of trouble?  I had never had trouble in the few times before I started with IF treatments that I'd had blood drawn or gotten IV's

Oh, and while I am on a roll, that is not the only thing. Probably the reason I had such a hard time keeping calm on Friday was that I got to the office and signed in and sat down and 10 minutes later the receptionist calls me up and says that I'm not on the schedule.  Then, she smiles and looks at me.  I informed her that my nurse made the appointment for me the previous Wed. for 7:30am and told her what I was there for.  I felt irritated that she let me sit there for 10 minutes before calling me up there and then after she told me, she just stared at me instead of apologizing and saying "but, let's get you on the schedule and taken care of."  It wasn't like they were super busy or anything.  I really wasn't upset that much that I wasn't on the schedule because accidents happen and it was just a bloodwork appointment, people!  It's not that difficult.

Okay, so a quick "update" has turned into quite the post.  But, I apparently needed to get that off my shoulders.  I am having to work extra hard to keep from getting stressed out because we have so much going on at work.  We are about to go through the purchase of a company the same size as ours, roughly, so this should be an interesting few months!