Saturday, February 15, 2014

Still so tiny...

So, I started writing this post in November, couldn't figure out how to get pictures on the post from my iPad, and stopped.  I know it is outdated, but I don't want to forget the details I have typed in here.  So, I am posting it now, 2/15/14!  Also, I will hopefully be doing another post soon, with a finished birth story.

It has been way longer than I wanted it to be since I posted last (again)!

I got the opportunity to work part time from home for my job that I just left.  I took it because we have had some unexpected bills come up. Um, working from home with a baby is hard, especially when that baby still can't sleep without being held by daddy or nursed by mama.

I got the go-ahead to share name and pictures!  Meet Miss Ruth Abigail. She is named after two wise and incredibly courageous women from the Bible.  It seems I can't figure out how to post pics from my iPad, so those will have to wait.  Here they are.  The first is from the hospital and then one from each month since.

I feel so blessed in motherhood, but also completely challenged!  As it turns out, Ruth was not getting enough to eat. She won't latch deeply enough and she won't do the exercises to help her learn.  I am in a vicious circle of she won't take enough so I don't make enough. I also don't have many chances to pump because she screams and cries when you put her down a lot still.  I have been supplementing formula and whatever breastmilk I can pump.  Over the 4th month of her life, she gained about 6 oz total.  Last week, when I was supplementing, she gained 7 oz.  It breaks my heart to think I have been making my baby go hungry out of ignorance for 4 months.  This has also caused other issues, it seems:  her cues are all mixed up and she still can't stay asleep if you put her down sound asleep.  She just tells me she is hungry no matter what she needs - food, comfort, sleep, or play.  It seems to be getting some better, but it's hard to tell. Last week, in the morning, I put her in her car seat while asleep out of necessity (once I had nature calling loudly and once I needed to help my husband give the cat a pill).

I am really taking this formula thing hard. I also have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and that might also be contributing to my ole supply.  I cry almost every day. Ruth sometimes refuses to nurse at all because the bottle is so much easier.  I worry that she will have weight troubles because of this.  I know her cues are messed up but what about that protective reflex they have at birth that keeps them from overeating is somehow messed up because she was always hungry before.  The pediatrician says to just keep feeding her until she pushes it away.  I just don't know.  There is just so much disappointment and guilt over having to give our baby formula.  I am just praying for peace from The Lord.

This new plan of supplementing plus the fact that Ruth has a stuffy nose has caused us to get even less sleep than we would normally get. I am still trying to figure out a schedule, actually.  We also need a bedtime routine.  I can't tell if my husband doesn't understand the importance of one or if he is just still too overwhelmed by the amount of things we need to do around the house to buy into getting one.  Without him on board, it's hard for me to get into one.  I feel like that is a bad thing...

Ruth is quite advanced for her 4.25 months, despite the fact that she only weighs 9 lbs 14 oz.  She has been laughing for more than two months, chats away in her own baby language, plays with toys, bats at stuff over head, feeds herself from a bottle and can use a sippy cup a little too efficiently so we had to stop so she wouldn't drown herself, rolled from belly to back at 3 months and from back to belly this past weekend.  She reaches for me when I walk into the room and smiles big!  Such a sweetie!  Her feet are so great and she chews on her toes every chance she gets. She really can't when wearing cloth diapers.  This week she has started putting her lips together and blowing, like you would to play a trumpet.  She is trying very hard to sit up.

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