Yesterday we met with the midwife again. This was a long visit because I had a big blood draw, plus the pap smear, breast exam, and pelvic exam (not expecting it to be quite to intense, but maybe that's a new thing?). It was supposed to be about an hour and between the number of questions we had which probably added 20-30 minutes to the appointment plus the blood draw issues we had (it was freezing in that office and they had to stick me 4 times and get blood in two sessions), we were there for a little over 2 hours! But, my blood pressure is normal, my uterus felt like an orange, which is apparently normal, and when she felt for my butt bone, she couldn't feel it, which is a good indicator that my pelvis will not cause me to have to have a c-section as long as the baby is behaving. Because of the difficulty I had getting pregnant and the auto-immune issues they've discovered, they want to send me a an MFM. They gave me two choices to choose from and I have to research and let them know. Our next appointment is right after the New Year and we will do the second part of the Nuchal Translucency Screening. I am trying not to worry about this and doing a pretty good job, I think.
I think that I am still having a very difficult time believing I will actually bring home a baby. I am just so afraid something is going to happen and very aware that nothing is guaranteed. I think that's why I haven't enjoyed telling people as much as I had always hoped I would. The more people who know, the more people who will ask us how we're doing if something bad happens. Most people I work closely with know and all of our close friends at church know as well. It will be in the church bulletin tomorrow. Our church is small enough that we can list all expecting couples in the bulletin, as well as birthdays and anniversaries.
I have a very close girlfriend (we are friends with the couple, but she is one of my closest girlfriends on top of that) who had two miscarriages two cycles in a row before they conceived their son, who is now 8 1/2 months old. She told me that she had doubts about bringing home a baby all throughout her pregnancy too and it really kept her from bonding with the baby and she regrets it a lot. My problem is, how do you bond with the baby?
In more exciting news, we went to the Motherhood store today and I got a pair of jeans and I have some clothes in an online cart for Old Navy maternity clothes. I am nervous about ordering so much, but I am ordering two different sizes of jeans since it's free return shipping right now. I have been having to wear a knock-off bella band every day because I can't button or zip my pants now. My shirts seems to be getting shorter too. I wonder if I am showing too soon and gaining too much weight too fast.
Well, I am rambling now. Overall, I am thankful to God for all the blessings we have and I realize what a miracle we have.
Glad things are going so well! I think it is 100% normal to think those thoughts especially when you have had difficulty. But...someone told me before you have to "Let go and let God". You have every right to enjoy every little step of this pregnancy...you deserve it. I saw a high-risk dr with the twins...let me know if you want the name. I really really liked him. Continued prayers!
ReplyDeleteWe also saw a MFM specialist for my last pregnancy and it ended up being really reassuring as we got to have more scans & see him more which was wonderful! I hope the same is true for you.
ReplyDeleteI remember having the same fears with Ian's pregnancy. I was so terrified of losing another baby that I also didn't let myself really think about bringing home a baby until I hit about 28wks in the pregnancy. It also makes me sad to think back on how I didn't let myself really feel the joy of pregnancy. It is absolutely a leap of faith to let go and feel the joy but really it's probably not a decision you'll regret later where as not enjoying it is.
Wishing you peace and a drama free rest of this pregnancy!