IUI - Check & High Hopes for 2012

Well, the IUI is done.  My doctor was taking a day off, so I met a new doctor in the practice who did my IUI.  The speculum application was not fun.  It pinched me then hurt so bad when she put it back in that she declared I needed a smaller one.  It was much better.  Why can't they always use that smaller speculum?  I think I will ask about that when I go for my ob/gyn visit in Feb.

I am doing my Circle + Bloom every day (twice yesterday, after the IUI) and praying that this is it.  If this isn't it, we are faced with IVF again, which none of us wants, including my doctor.  But, we aren't going to have to even think about it because this is going to work.

2012 is going to be my year for a take-home baby.  I have three months to make that statement come true.  Hopefully, I won't have to do anything else to make it happen.  I am starting Prometrium tonight, BTW.

We are going out to an early dinner with friends from church tonight. None of us wants to be tired tomorrow at church.  So, we aren't doing our usual get-together and game night.  I really don't need to over-tire myself anyway.

I hope you all have a safe and happy evening.  May 2012 bring you many blessings and allow you many opportunities to glorify God.

Another IUI In The Works

Hello all,

Well, we have another IUI in the works.  After I took a month off, I was in the office, ready to start another IUI last month and when we started counting days and realized that the day we would most likely need to do the IUI would be the same day we were having my family over and then from there going to the house of our head deacon at church for a Christmas party for the elders and deacons.  I discussed it with the NP and my nurse and we all agreed that I'd be too stressed out so we put it off until this month.

Day 1 was last Saturday, Dec. 17.  Today is day 11.  I took 10 mcg of on day 4 and 5 for 3 days after that. From Dec 22-26, I took 75 units of Menopur (which burned like crazy this month).  I went back to the doctor today.  I have one substantial follicle on the right side which is 25mm.  I saw a few tiny ones on the left side, but the Dr didn't bother measuring them.  My lining is 7.5mm.  They did bw to check my estrogen and gave me a low-dose HCG shot and gave me a couple to take home. 

I heard from my nurse and she said that my estrogen was 111, which she thought was good.  The last IUI, it was 115 on day 10, but the follicles were smaller (and there were two, I think).  I am going to do another shot of low does HCG tomorrow morning and we will trigger with Ovidrel tomorrow night.  We'll do the IUI on Friday morning. 

I read online that the follicle is what is creating the estrogen and that they want your estrogen to be 150-200 per follicle.  Last time I had more than one and it was 115, this time I have one and it is 111.  But, there are those other small ones.  I just don't know how to think about that.  I am doing my Circle + Bloom every day.  I am trying to stay positive and relaxed.  Of course, it is Christmas time so I am eating lots of junk food, so that might be my undoing.  I have been off work since last Thursday, so I am as relaxed as I can get without going on vacation to the beach again.  I believe this will work.  I have to.  I also have another funny tidbit.  As I was driving to the doctor's office this morning, I realized that the tag number on the car in front of me as I was about to get off the interstate had the first three letters as "BFP".  It made me smile.

So, my question is - how fast does your estrogen go up every day?  I am praying that my one little follicle is mature.

Quick Update

Hi All.

I wanted to do a quick post before heading to do Circle + Bloom then to bed.

The IUI was Monday and it went well. We had 15.7million sperm. So, that's good. We had two follicles per our monitoring appointment last Friday, one was a 15 and one a 19, both on the right side.

I stayed home on Monday and just rested. It was weird because the IUI wasn't that painful, but I had pain afterwards. More like discomfort. It was kind of uncomfortable to sit up straight, like in my "area". Strange. Then, I did have some cramping on Monday and even yesterday. But, today was pretty much back to normal except I seem to have to pee a lot more. I had some kind of cramping on the left side, but that could be because my stomach has not been behaving lately.

So, that is what there is to report so far.

IUI Tomorrow (again)

Tomorrow is our IUI. We did 5 days of 5 mg of Letrozole (3-7) and 4 days of 50 units of Follistim (6-9). Then, we triggered last night at 8 with Ovidrel. Please pray with us that this works and that I can stay unstressed. I feel like everything is working against me to feel that way with how my job is going (or might be going away). My company is going to be purchased by a bigger company that is headquartered in Nebraska. Yeah, probably not much space for Accounting in Atlanta. But, I am taking the day off tomorrow to sew and work on putting together a new coupon book that is more organized and watch tv or movies. I don't care that it's quarter-end. I need time for me.

Good night all! Have a good week!

Failed

I am not pregnant. Again.

Is It Over?

I know that this could be a good sign or a bad sign, but it feels like a bad sign.  I have been having menstrual-like cramps off and on for a week now, but they have been pretty much constant yesterday and today.  Today, I have had some spotting - like pink blood.  Also, and I know this is gross and TMI, but it always smells different "down there" when I am about to start my period.  It smells like that now.  Of course, it would probably smell like that if I have blood running out of my vagina no matter what it's for.  Yuck.

I told my husband that I didn't even see the point in testing tomorrow.  He wants to test.  He wants to know if we got pregnant or not.  He wants to make sure there is nothing we can do if we are pregnant and there is a problem.  I know that is the right thing to do.  I feel like my good attitude has been officially used up between the 2WW and work the last few weeks. 

I have tried very hard to stay calm and not get stressed at work but it is really hard.  I have also tried to leave more on time, but it's almost impossible with as much work as I have.  But, apparently what I am doing should be so much more easier than I am making it because both my boss and another coworker have said "that should be easy" or "that should be something you can put together pretty quickly".  Yes, I suppose if you are putting a budget together based on an average of previous periods and not bothering to get input from the managers as to whether or not they have any additional costs or cost savings, yes, it would be easy.  My boss, who is pretty much a genius, has said that to me about more than one topic in the last couple of weeks.  Yes, if I was a genius, I might agree.  And, I might make more money.  Or, I might work somewhere else. I have expressed my unhappiness with him at these assumptions.  Statements like that do nothing for my morale or self esteem.  It makes me want to quit.  I sometimes feel like I am working to pay for various types of treatment stemming from infertility and fertility treatments.

I went online yesterday and started looking for a new therapist.  I really need someone that will listen to me and not interject their opinion.  I don't know, maybe that is what therapy is supposed to be.  But, when I have made my beliefs and feelings clear on the subject, I do not feel it is appropriate for a medical professional who is there to help me with anxiety and infertility to try to convince me that I am wrong.  Of course, he would never do that...according to him.  But, I am tired of hearing the same stories about the same people over and over and how they think differently.  I do not share those beliefs and/or opinions and/or I think they are wrong.  Obviously if you are not a Christian and your beliefs are not founded in Biblical understanding, but in worldly understanding, you will not have the same perspective.  I am aware that my way of thinking about a lot of things is probably "abnormal" and "ultra conservative" and that is okay with me.  And, it's not all about religious beliefs.  It's sometime just stuff about personal preference.

Anyway, in summary - I think I'm about to start my period,  I am testing tomorrow anyway, I am losing touch with my good attitude, I am tired of working 10-12 hour days and driving 45 min to an hour (or more) each way just to feel unappreciated by my boss, and I need a new therapist for all the reasons above.  Shorter summary:  I am a mess.  I'll let y'all know what happens tomorrow.

Just Wait 'til Wednesday...

So, I am testing on Wednesday.  That is starting to feel further away by the minute.  I am just praying every day.  What else can I do?  I am praying to not be anxious also.  It's tempting to be anxious.  There, I said it. 

I hope you all have a good week.

All Over But the Waiting!

We went in on Wednesday for the IUI.  We had to wait a lot longer than we usually do.  I of course had just emptied my bladder before getting undressed, but if I had drank any more water than I had (like I usually do before getting blood drawn), I probably would have had to get dressed and go again.  Well, DH did not go before we went in and he was about to wet his pants before it was all said and done.  :)

Dr. P is really a gentle person, but the speculum seriously felt like it wasn't in right and that my vagina was going to squeeze it right now.  I was having visions of it popping out and smacking him in the face.  Then, he failed to warn me when he was going in with the catheter.  It usually doesn't even hurt and I really didn't expect it to because I felt my cervix that morning and it felt nice and open.  Well, it hurt.  A.Lot.  And, since I wasn't expecting it, it surprised me so much that I screamed out loud and I am fairly certain I tightened every muscle down there and possibly raised my rearend off the table a little bit. By the time I regained control of my mind (because seriously, if I had been expecting it, I would have stayed perfectly still no matter how much it hurt), I relaxed and apologized.  I looked around and the Dr. and MA were both telling me I didn't need to apologize, the MA was reaching towards me, I guess to console me/hold me down, and the Dr. was then apologizing for not warning me.  We were having a good conversation, about what, I cannot remember.  Anyway.  I am sure, for the record, the pain wasn't that bad.  I think mostly it was that not only was I not expecting it to hurt, I wasn't forewarned that he was doing it.  This was my 5th one and the very first one hurt that bad, but it was done by a regular gyn, not an RE and I was seriously uptight.  I felt pretty relaxed except for my worries about the speculum popping out and smacking my RE in the face.

So, he instructed me to be pregnant in 12 days and to take a HPT then.  He also said to go ahead and take 100mg of Endometrin starting Saturday night - every night at bedtime.  So, I started that Saturday night.  I am still following the Circle + Bloom and I do enjoy doing it.  I am not sure I am doing the best job of emptying my mind, but I am doing my best.  If all went as it should, maybe I'll feel some implantation cramping one day later this week. 

My boobs, mainly my nipples, have been very sore since ovulation.  The last time I felt this way was the last time I was doing treatments, so I think it's the hormones they give me. But, this time it feels a lot worse, so maybe that means the hormones are doing a better job?!

I hope everyone has a good week!

IUI Tomorrow Morning! and a little vent

The appointment on Sunday morning went well.  I have a follicle on each side - 17.66mm on the left and 17.98mm on the right.  I'd rather have more than that, but that's better than we've had in the past.  They gave me a shot of low dose HCG while I was there.  They could not get blood.  They stuck me 4 times in the left arm and couldn't get a good vein in the right so they didn't try (two people).  It was not the normal phlebotomists, so that's probably why.  We triggered Monday night (Ovidrel, thankfully).  The IUI is tomorrow morning.  DH's appointment is at 8am and mine is at 9:30.  I am going to stay home.  I may work some, but I will probably just stay home to do it to avoid any stress in the office.

I feel kind of like I am ovulating.  More than I have in a while.  Last month, I think I felt it, but this month is stronger.  I hope sperm meets egg and they have a happy union for the next 9 months.  DH is cutting up a pineapple for me right now!  I've heard it helps implantation.

There is a girl that sits on the other side of the cubicle wall and she is an attention-seeker.  She listens to her MP3 player all day and "whisper sings" loudly and then she eats lots of hard candy and makes these disgusting sucking sounds.  I have asked her not to sing several times so far (she's only sat there for a month or two) and I am about to have to tell her I can't stand the sucking.  I can't stand it.  I want to throw up every time I hear it.  I like this girl too.  I just think she needs attention so she seeks it in annoying ways like laughing annoyingly loud every time someone IMs her and cussing at people who email her and after she gets off the phone.  Bless her heart.  I just had to get that off my chest.

Okay, off to listen to Circle + Bloom!

IUI Underway

Hi All!  It's been a while.  Things have been busy.  I have still been reading and commenting, just not doing my own posts. 

I have had a crazy few weeks.  While I was out of town for continuing education, just before my last post, my cousin was killed in a car accident.  He was 25.  I am not very close to that little branch of my family, but it was still a blow.  It's hard to believe that someone who is the same generation as me, and much younger, can have died.  His parents and sister are devastated.  I am praying that they will be able to pull themselves together and carry on.  I don't think any of them are saved, so I am praying that they will feel God in their lives and cling to Him.  If you could pray too, I would be thankful.  I didn't say anything in my last post because I wasn't sure what to say.  But, if has affected me, even though he wasn't someone I saw every day.  It's yet another reminder that we do not have the promise of tomorrow.

In other news, AF showed up on Sept 1.  We are doing an IUI this month.  Here is my protocol:

Day 3-7 Letrozole (2 per day)
Day 8 150 units Bravelle (FSH)
Day 11 Monitoring appointment with RE

Tomorrow is my monitoring appointment.  I am not sure what to expect.  The last IUI we have a very similar protocol, except I believe we used Menopur.  When I went in for my first monitoring appointment last time, we did a small injection of LH and then still had to go in for another injection a few days later.  I think it was the most expensive IUI in history since I had so many ultrasounds!  But, this time, I have been pregnant recently, so hopefully my body is primed.  I feel like I did when we were stimulating my ovaries for IVF, like they are doing something and kind of tired.  I am excited to see what my body has been up to. 

I have been listening to the Circle + Bloom for IUI/IVF cycles.  I like them, and I do feel like I am relaxing.  But, I am not sure if I am doing a great job of the "mind-body connection" part of it.  Also, I keep falling asleep so I don't hear the whole thing sometimes.  But, I am not letting myself worry about not doing a good job of relaxing.  :)

Well, until next time, that is all I have to say.  I will post sooner next time!

Next Steps

Well, I have been taking HPTs and they have all been negative.  Today is day CD33 and I have started spotting and having cramps.  This morning's HPT was one of those Cle.ar Blu.e Ea.sy digital ones.  Instead of just having the one little pink line like on the other brands, I get a blaring "not pregnant".  I didn't really think that was very nice to see first thing in the morning.  Ah well.  I really didn't know what the chances were of us getting pregnant the first cycle after our  miscarriage, but I was hopeful. I know that God will give us children when it is the perfect timing in His plan. 

I got the results back from all the blood work done at my last appointment on Monday.  My thyroid antibodies were higher than they'd like (but they are always crazy since I have Hashimoto's) so my RE doubled my Levothyroxine.  My TSH was 4.3, which is on the higher side of normal according to some and way above normal according to the "new scale" some use.  My RE said I was normal.  Either way I am not worked up because guess how they would fix that - Levothyroxine.  My AMH was 1.6.  I need to look and see what it was the last time I had it taken about a year and a half ago.  I think it was about the same.  According to Dr. Google, that's normal.  Everything else was normal and I didn't ask the particulars.  The only other things they tested were the STDs they have to test annually while you are in treatment and Prolactin.

I just ordered Circle + Bloom.  I will start listening to it tomorrow, because it's too late today.  I am looking forward to seeing what this is all about.  I will also call my RE's IUI nurse when I get the visit from AF  in full force and we'll kick off my medicated IUI cycle.

Well, that's about all that's going on as far as IF.  I need to do a general life update, but I am too tired.  It's bedtime.  Hope you all have a good remainder of your week!