Well it's not bad news exactly...

...But it also isn't good news. Apparently they aren't sure what to think. My beta is 1,143. My nurse said that they would like to see it increase by at least 60% every two days, which would have been about 1,200 on Saturday. Well, today is Monday and I am only at 1,143. Dr. P thinks it could be a slow-growing embryo. Bless her heart, my nurse got on the phone and said that she didn't know how to take my results. She did say that the nasty blockage in my vag is normal. After I thought about it I emailed her to tell her that it was black (since I really couldn't say it sitting on the phone in my cubicle) so I couldn't tell if the black was because I was still bleeding or because of residual blood. I also asked about the pain I have been having in one spot at the intersection about one inch from the bend between my abdomen and thigh and halfway between my hip bone and pubic bone. Almost every time I have gas, I also have pain here, so I wasn't sure what was causing it and it wasn't constant. She said that it could be round ligament pain and the fact that it wasn't constant was a good sign to her. She also said that I needed to reach up there and pull as much of that buildup from the Crinone out so that we could see if I was still bleeding and also that if I was bleeding a lot - enough to really be worried - that it would be running down my leg and the Crinone wouldn't be able to "bioadhese" like it has.

So, she really set my mind at ease about those things. I am well aware that the numbers could mean an ectopic pregnancy or one that just won't last. I am still hopeful and still praying. Dr. P wants to do bloodwork again on Wednesday morning. So, that also makes me hopeful. If he thought it was an ectopic, I would think he'd want to do an ultrasound or something, right? Don't they usually want to get those taken care of right away?

What does this all sound like to you? Does anyone have any advice like should I be laying around or being active or is there something I should be eating that you've heard helps the lining thicken and the embryo grow faster?

What Will Happen Tomorrow?

I am going back to the RE tomorrow to have another beta.  I think that I am prepared for anything.  I really thought all the mid-cycle spotting might be an early miscarriage from the beginning and I really didn't even want to know if  it was.  But, then I really did want to know.  Now, I just want to see what is going on in my body.  Am I really pregnant?  Is it a blighted ovum, ectopic, a miscarriage?  I have googled everything based on my HCG and Progesterone.  But, I have prayed these last few days.  I have prayed that God would do His will in our lives.  I have prayed for peace.  I have prayed for the baby that is hopefully growing inside of me. 

I have been tired this weekend.  I have been trying to think about whether anything was different this past month.  I do remember my boobs being sore for about a day or two when it was about a week before my period was supposed to start.  Also, I had cramps that started earlier than usual and I remember being annoyed by it.  I am guessing that it was implantation cramps...and I had some spotting at the same time.  I don't usually have spotting before my period then it stops like that.  I am just worried about all the bleeding.  I thought that I had stopped bleeding the day after I started taking the Crinone but then it started again on Saturday.  I had been pretty active Friday night and Saturday morning.  So, I thought that was why.  But, to be honest, I googled Crinone side effects and realized that you can have discharge and buildup from it.  Crunchy discharge.  ***TMI Alert***  Since I have had bleeding, the Crinone discharge is black.  It is super gross.  But, if this leads to a healthy baby, I welcome it. 

Anyway, I am just going into tomorrow morning with positive thoughts and prayers.  I feel excited.

Oh, and I did really well for my blood draw on Thursday.  I was proud of me.  :)

Happy Monday everyone!

And the Answer Is...

I got a blood test today for pregnancy and progesterone. My HCG is 811 and my progesterone is 4.5. When I heard the HCG level from the nurse, it sounded pretty high. But, if I count from the first day of my last period (not counting the bleeding 2 weeks ago), I would be about 6 weeks. When I look on all the websites, that seems low. The nurse told me that the progesterone was low but that Dr. P wasn't really worried. I think he just didn't want me to worry because I just googled and it's supposed to be at least 10, they say. But, I can't worry. I can just pray. We are excited! The doctor gave me some samples of Crinone cream to insert every morning, to help support my progesterone levels. So, hopefully the bleeding will stop. I can't worry. I know I already said that, but I have to keep saying it.

I am going back on Monday for another beta and progesterone check.  Please say some prayers for us.

Until then, here's the little stick that started it all today:

One little word, but it speaks volumes, doesn't it?

Waiting and Wondering

I am still bleeding and having some cramping. Yesterday was day 13 and I started doing OPKs. It was positive! Instead of being excited I was concerned, suspicious of the thing that I had been suspecting all along but couldn't even bring myself to admit to you all.

I know that LH and HCG have similar properties. So I consulted Dr. Google. Yep. A positive OPK can sometimes mean pregnancy, but a HPT will only show positive pregnancy. So when I got home from Bible study last night I did one of the cheapo HPTs I have. There were two lines. I did one of the nice ones this morning and got a pregnant. I have a call in with my RE's nurse. I hope she calls me back soon. On the one hand I am excited that I can get pregnant. But I'm afraid it is an early miscarriage. Before I jump to conclusions, I'd like to have something confirmed. Please say a prayer for me and my hubby. I am uncharacteristicly calm and hoping I can stay that way.

Should I Be Concerned?

I interrupt this blog to reach out for...I don't know what. Advice? Comforting? I don't know. So, I'll get down to it. Be prepared for some serious TMI!

I received a visit from Aunt Flo last Friday (Apr 3). Usually, she sticks around for two days only then I maybe have some little spotting for a couple of days. Every once in a while, I might have a heavy "spot" or two on day 5ish.

Well, this time she visited for 3 full days! I was thinking, Wow! my uterine lining is all happy because I'm so relaxed from my vacation! Then, I had hardly no spotting. Then, yesterday, Friday, day 8, I had cramping. Not the worst cramping like I have every day 1 like clockwork, but maybe a level down from that. When I went to the restroom at the restaurant we went to in Midtown last night, there was a very heavy spot of very dark blood on my underwear! Then, when I got home, there was still plenty of blood. So much that when I stood up, there was blood floating in the water, so I guess I was dripping blood into the toilet! Then, today, I've been having the same situation. Cramping and seriously heavy spotting.

What does this mean? Is this normal? It's not normal for me! Could it be caused by being so hot? I've gained a few pounds lately since vacation and I stopped abstaining from gluten and dairy.  Should I call a doctor or ignore it ans see how long it keeps going on?  Should I start my OPKs on day 10 like normal (I skipped last month since I was cruising)?

Still Here

I am going to try to blog something on here at least once a month, hopefully more.  The husband and I went away for a long vacation!  It was great!  I will have to do a longer post on it soon, but for now, a picture.

Or two

The first is a picture of our cruise ship from Grand Cayman and the second is a picture of me about to go down the slide on our ship!

Been A Long Time

I know it has been a long time.  I have been trying to spend less time at work and more time with my husband.  Plus, there's not been much time leftover when I am going to therapy for an hour every Monday evening and the Chiropractor every Tuesday and Thursday.  Well, I am down to going to the Chiropractor once every other week for now.  I am still having some mild back pain off and on, but it's usually when I am sitting wrong for a long time or something like that.  I have gotten two positive Ovulation kits (Feb and Mar) but then this month I didn't get one for sure (the line wasn't as dark as the control line). 

Therapy is...interesting.  This is what is basically has consisted of:

• Talking about things that make me feel frustrated and/or stressed out then coming up with the things I can do/think differently to keep from getting frustrated in those positions, or saying just avoid them.
• Sitting back in one of those massage chairs wearing headphones listening to my psychologist from another room saying things like (and I'm not kidding) "Feeeeel relaaaaaxed.  Feeeeel gooooooood.  Let your hands feeeeel relaaaaxed, let them get very heavy..."  and so on and so forth.
• I have been informed that it is my choice to feel stressed out and I have to choose not to be.
• I have finally informed him that I want to pinpoint specific things that I need to deal with and stop discussing various general things that stress me out and make me feel bad about myself because I need to pray about those things and ask God to help me as I have these things going on in my life that I don't like are put there by God.  Obviously he wants me to go through these trials.  I need to find joy in my life (with the understanding that joy described in the Bible is not the same thing as "happiness").
• So, we are now talking about how I can't stand when other people invade my personal space without my permission, how much I can't stand doctors and I don't trust them, and my issues with needles.  I think I have caused some frustration for him b/c he seems to want to be able to figure out why I have issues with needles to begin with and the fact is, I don't know!

I really didn't think that it was helping any, but lately I have noticed that I get stressed out less often and when I do get stressed out, it doesn't seem to be as bad. 

We had 12 people besides my husband and I over to our house this past Saturday evening for a game night.  Usually, everyone getting there at the same time and handing me something they've brought or wanting to talk to me will get me all stressed out so much that it would take me half the night to feel like a normal person again.  Well, we were behind on cooking, so my sister and her husband were helping me as well as two of my closest girlfriends and everyone else was walking in and out of the kitchen talking to us or standing in the living room talking.  I was having to tell everyone what to do since I had the plan in my head.  I was remaining fairly calm.  My sister even commented that I would be a good kitchen manager.

I'm still not sure if I am okay with needles.  I mean, how do you tell yourself it's perfectly fine to let someone purposefully stick you with a needle? 

Anyway, that's a taster of what's going on.  I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted.  I even took about a 3 week break from reading blogs (not on intentionally, it just happened, but I wasn't real sad about not keeping up while I wasn't reading).  But, I have been reading the last few weeks.

My husband and I are also planning to go on a 7 day cruise and a one-day trip to Busch Gardens in a couple of weeks!  I can't wait!