40w6d and still counting!

This is another post I started and didn't finish.  I am going to still post it here so that I can remember and also in case it can help anyone else.  I wrote this 4 days before Ruth was born.  Today is 2/15/14!

I am still here waiting for baby to come!  I can't remember what I posted about last, but I will do a quick review of the past few weeks just so I can remember later.

• I tested positive for Group B Strep, then I tested negative.  Yep.  Before I was tested the first time, I had taken garlic and probiotics orally, but I didn't know you aren't supposed to have them together or they don't work as well.  So, after I tested positive (and cried a lot about my big dream of having a needle-free delivery being ruined), I started doing a bruised clove of garlic, wrapped in a thin layer of loosely woven gauze and a vaginal probiotic (which is soooo expensive) every night for about 6 nights.  I was so relieved to be negative.
• They also retested my A1C and found it to be perfectly normal, thank you very much.  So, I no longer have to test my blood sugar four times a day.
• We have pretty much everything we need to have a newborn.  We really need to clean off the changing table though...
• I am waiting to order our prefolds until after the baby is born so that I get all of my 30 day trial in case I hate the brand I choose.  I need to choose a brand.
• We have had 4 showers in total - one given by my sister and cousin, one by my hubby's sister and mom, and one by my closest girlfriends at church that I knew about, and one surprise shower at work.  We have been very blessed by people's generosity.  We received all of our large items plus many if the small ones.  When I went to use our registry completion coupon, I only had to use the gift cards we'd gotten plus $26 cash, which we had also received as gifts!  We are so so thankful!
• On Thurs, June 13, 2 days before my due date, we went to a local Italian restaurant and had eggplant Parmesan.  Here in Atlanta, there is an Italian restaurant called Scalini's that everyone says has eggplant Parmesan that will send you into labor.  The restaurant we went to is actually owned by Scalin's.  Obviously it failed us...
• At my midwife appointment 2 Mondays ago, they felt of the baby and said it seemed like it was probably about 7 lbs.  The Monday before that, I asked her to check my cervix since I was already undressed for the GBS retest and I was 1.5cm, 50% effaced, -1 station.
• At my midwife appointment on this past Monday, I had her check me again and I was 3 cm dilated, 70% effaced, still a -1 station.  I bled a good bit during and after that check.  I hadn't eaten in several hours and it was hot in the room, so I almost passed out when she started talking about how she would recommend stripping my membranes this coming Monday if I still hadn't had the baby.  She suggested I go home and use my breast pump for 15 min on, 15 min off and see if that would kick-start labor.  It didn't.
• I tried again on Tues and I had what I though were contractions lasting about 5-10 minutes, so they suggested walking around until they stopped or kicked n on their own without the pump.  They called me later and told me to try starting slower, 5 min on, 10 min off. My husband and I went for a walk that night.  Still nothing going on.  Wednesday - same nothingness. We walked around the park (1.7 mi).
• Yesterday, Thursday, I took the day off from trying to induce labor. I sewed some cloth baby wipes and burp cloths.
• It is 5:18 Friday morning and I am up writing this post because I woke up at 2:30 to go to the bathroom and have not been able to fall back to sleep.  
• If you haven't guessed, I decided to stop working after I almost passed out at the doctor's office on Monday.  My boss waited until the week before my due date to bring in a temp for me to train.  How miserable is it to try to train someone to do your job in one week's time the week before your due date?
• We have tried other ways to naturally kickstart labor - pineapple, spicy foods, sex, more walking, bouncing in the birthing ball and other birthing ball exercises...you name it, we have tried it.
• I am still torn about getting my membranes stripped.  It is an intervention.  It could break my bag of waters before I am in active labor and cause me to have to be induced medically.  She did say that it would probably only take a few drops of pitocin and I could still have my water birth if so and if I was in active labor within 24 hours of my bag if waters breaking.

Still so tiny...

So, I started writing this post in November, couldn't figure out how to get pictures on the post from my iPad, and stopped.  I know it is outdated, but I don't want to forget the details I have typed in here.  So, I am posting it now, 2/15/14!  Also, I will hopefully be doing another post soon, with a finished birth story.

It has been way longer than I wanted it to be since I posted last (again)!

I got the opportunity to work part time from home for my job that I just left.  I took it because we have had some unexpected bills come up. Um, working from home with a baby is hard, especially when that baby still can't sleep without being held by daddy or nursed by mama.

I got the go-ahead to share name and pictures!  Meet Miss Ruth Abigail. She is named after two wise and incredibly courageous women from the Bible.  It seems I can't figure out how to post pics from my iPad, so those will have to wait.  Here they are.  The first is from the hospital and then one from each month since.

I feel so blessed in motherhood, but also completely challenged!  As it turns out, Ruth was not getting enough to eat. She won't latch deeply enough and she won't do the exercises to help her learn.  I am in a vicious circle of she won't take enough so I don't make enough. I also don't have many chances to pump because she screams and cries when you put her down a lot still.  I have been supplementing formula and whatever breastmilk I can pump.  Over the 4th month of her life, she gained about 6 oz total.  Last week, when I was supplementing, she gained 7 oz.  It breaks my heart to think I have been making my baby go hungry out of ignorance for 4 months.  This has also caused other issues, it seems:  her cues are all mixed up and she still can't stay asleep if you put her down sound asleep.  She just tells me she is hungry no matter what she needs - food, comfort, sleep, or play.  It seems to be getting some better, but it's hard to tell. Last week, in the morning, I put her in her car seat while asleep out of necessity (once I had nature calling loudly and once I needed to help my husband give the cat a pill).

I am really taking this formula thing hard. I also have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and that might also be contributing to my ole supply.  I cry almost every day. Ruth sometimes refuses to nurse at all because the bottle is so much easier.  I worry that she will have weight troubles because of this.  I know her cues are messed up but what about that protective reflex they have at birth that keeps them from overeating is somehow messed up because she was always hungry before.  The pediatrician says to just keep feeding her until she pushes it away.  I just don't know.  There is just so much disappointment and guilt over having to give our baby formula.  I am just praying for peace from The Lord.

This new plan of supplementing plus the fact that Ruth has a stuffy nose has caused us to get even less sleep than we would normally get. I am still trying to figure out a schedule, actually.  We also need a bedtime routine.  I can't tell if my husband doesn't understand the importance of one or if he is just still too overwhelmed by the amount of things we need to do around the house to buy into getting one.  Without him on board, it's hard for me to get into one.  I feel like that is a bad thing...

Ruth is quite advanced for her 4.25 months, despite the fact that she only weighs 9 lbs 14 oz.  She has been laughing for more than two months, chats away in her own baby language, plays with toys, bats at stuff over head, feeds herself from a bottle and can use a sippy cup a little too efficiently so we had to stop so she wouldn't drown herself, rolled from belly to back at 3 months and from back to belly this past weekend.  She reaches for me when I walk into the room and smiles big!  Such a sweetie!  Her feet are so great and she chews on her toes every chance she gets. She really can't when wearing cloth diapers.  This week she has started putting her lips together and blowing, like you would to play a trumpet.  She is trying very hard to sit up.

12 Weeks of Crazy and Wonderful

I am trying to get a post written to tell my birth story. My sweet little girl wakes up when you put her down and can't fall asleep unless nursing or at least being held, shushed, and jiggled. We are bug fans of Happiest Baby On The Block!  I am typing one- handed right now, holding a nursing/sleeping baby.

I need to ask my husband if it is okay to share her name and pictures, so until then, I will call her Miss R.

Miss R eats a lot, but she is not gaining weight at the rate the doctor's want. My lactation consultant thinks she is getting plenty. I go back a week from Monday to get her next round of shots and to have a weight check. So, hopefully she will have gained a good bit but I feel doubtful. Why can't my body do what it needs to do?

I decided to leave my job and stay home with Miss R so I am on my husband's insurance since Sept 1. I still don't have my card, so I have to wait to make an appt with an endocrinologist. I wonder if my thyroid is the problem.

I have just started eliminating dairy from my diet to see if maybe a sensitivity to dairy is causing her to not absorb all her nutrients and gain so slowly. She has the right amount of wet and dirty diapers.

I am hoping not to have to supplement.

I am so in love with this little girl. She is so sweet. She is ahead developmentally, so she's a lot of fun right now.

We are so so thankful for her!

She's Here!!!

Our daughter arrived on June 25 at 1:47pm! She weighed 7lb 3oz and was 20.5 in long.  I still cannot believe it.  She is absolutely beautiful. I will give our story another day when I have my laptop. I was in labor just short of 13 hours and I pushed for almost 3 of those.

I actually had a really long post in the works about pregnancy updates when I was 6 days late (I went 10 days pays my due date).  But, apparently Blogger doesn't love my iPad.  So, I never got on my laptop and fixed it.

But, her story deserves to be told. I will tell it. Soon!

Gifts at the Hospital

So, I tend to not make friends with medical people.  I somehow manage to offend them, actually.  I am thinking about doing something to win us a little favor with them.  I have seen where some people make a tray of cookies or muffins ahead of time and freeze it then grab it from the freezer before they head to the hospital.  I saw on one thread where a lady make individual gift bags for those people.  Like, granola bars, cookies, etc...

I had also been thinking about having favors for whoever comes to the hospital or to visit us in the first few days.

Any ideas?  It's hard to plan ahead b/c we don't know what we're having.  Maybe I can get my sister or dad to pick up cupcakes or a birthday cake in the right color on the way and we can share those with visitors...

Just wondering what everyone else did.

Catch Up

Wow, it's been a lot longer since I posted last than I intended it to be.  I have been extremely busy and had some things happen that I was very upset about and I didn't think it would make me feel better to put it down, so I held back.  I have a feeling this post will take me several sittings, so I am going with bullets.

 - I failed my one hour, then failed my three hour glucose tests.  I was extremely upset and blaming my sedentary lifestyle and the fact that I love pizza and icecream.  Then, unlike a lot of the websites, the diabetes education people said that marathon runners get gestational diabetes and there is pretty much nothing you can do to keep from having it.
-I knew that people with GD had to follow a strict diet.  I did NOT know that they had to prick their finger 4 times a day to check their blood sugar.  How is this going to work for the girl who passes out with needles?  I am actually handling it alright.  And, the diet isn't that bad. I am eating more food now than ever before.
-We aren't convinced I actually have GD.  I passed out at my second blood draw (the one hour) and I passed the first two tests with extremely good numbers and the second two I was kind of over.  Did you know that a stressful event can mess with the chemicals in your body and affect your blood glucose levels for up to 24 hours?  So, my midwife drew another blood test call an A1C which takes the 6-week average of your levels.  Mine was exactly in the middle of the normal range.  But, because it is a 6-week average, the OB in the office was hesitant to say I don't need to test my blood sugar after meals.  So, we will draw it again in a couple of weeks and see if it is still normal.  If it is normal, I can stop testing and I can not be labeled as having GD.  That would be nice.
-I had my first shower!  It was lots of fun!  It was a couples shower thrown by my sister and cousin and we played lots of games and a lot of my friends from college came as well as some family from my side of the family.  We had a taco bar and cupcakes.  It was great!  The games were sippy cup bowling, guess the number of jelly beans in the jar, and guess the measure of mom-to-be's belly.  My sister ordered t-shirts for my  husband and me, all the people organizing the shower, and as prizes for the games.  They were super cute! 
-TMI ALERT!!!  I am still having issues with constipation.  I am annoyed.  I finally have gotten regular (pardon the pun) in taking Colace.  I have taken it every time I take my other vitamins (morning and evening) since Sunday.  I have finally started going.  I am thankful for my bodily functions to be working again!
-I had another shower this Saturday - it was one that my SIL and MIL threw for me at my MIL's house.  It was my husband's side of the family and some friends from our neighborhood as well as some friends I used to work with. We played some cute games and had a lot of fun!  The games were matching the animal with the gestational period and then she had a card table full of candy and a worksheet with a bunch of pregnancy/baby terms and you had to match the candy to the term. 
-My SIL is gave us her baby bed, which she used with both of her children. We got it this weekend when I had my shower.  We have a small book case from Ikea and a changing table that has drawers and a cabinet.  I believe we will also need a chest of drawers. We are getting everything second hand off Craigslist, when we can.  Finding a chest of drawers is proving harder than we thought.
-We got a rocking chair that was my grandmother's that she gave to my mom when my sister was born reupholstered.  It looks great.  I'll have to post some before and after pics.  I am very pleased that I can use this little family heirloom.  I love this rocking chair because it is the perfect size for me.  My feet touch the floor, so I don't feel like I need an ottoman.  My husband's parents bought us a glider for in the nursery w/ a gliding ottoman, now we have the rocking chair in the bedroom.  We are set.

Rocking Chair "Before"

Rocking Chair "After"

-I am reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.  I also borrowed Dr. Sears' The Breastfeeding Book from a friend at church.  I am determined to breastfeed and hoping that I don't have some of the challenges I see a lot of people having who have gone through infertility, and some people that have not.
-So, I have not really had a lot of weight gain anywhere except my belly during this pregnancy.  However, since I started eating so much food for thie GD diet, I have gained weight in my face.  It is scary.  I need to start getting up and walking around the office more.
-I am still fighting the fear of not taking this baby home.  The baby seems perfect.  I am measuring perfect, the baby is punching, tickling, kicking, hiccupping - all the normal stuff.  But, I have heard so many times that one day someone was at the doctor and the baby was perfect and the next day, the baby had died.  I am just in constant prayer that the Lord will lift this anxiety from me.  I hope that these thoughs do not inhibit my going into labor in any way.

Here are some belly pics.  Just for reference, I will include the first one I took to post on FB at 17 weeks and the ones I took on Saturday before my shower.  I took a fun "overhead" shot today at work and I thought it was funny, so I am including that too.

17 weeks

33 weeks

33 weeks

33 weeks "overhead view"

26 Weeks and Counting

Hi Everyone!

I hope everyone is doing well.  I am just moving right along with this pregnancy.  The baby is just kicking away.  I had another appointment with my midwife about 3 weeks ago and have another one this Friday, which will include my glucose screening.  At the last appointment, she measured my belly for the first time.  I was right at 24 weeks and measured 26 cm.  She said that they give you a leeway of 2 cm either way before they start to feel concerned.  I wonder how I will measure up this time.  The baby did just have a serious growth spurt.  I had a cold one week where I had a fever for about 12 hours and wasn't feeling like eating a lot, so I lost about a pound that week.  Then, when I weighted myself the next week, I had gained 3 pounds!  Yikes!  I weighed myself this morning and I haven't gained any since that last time where I'd gained 3 pounds.  My total weight gain so far is about 17 pounds.

I am still enjoying being pregnant!  I have started to feel a bit tired sometimes and I am still having round ligament pains.  They seem to be multiplying.  Almost every time I stand up after sitting for any amount of time (like maybe 30 min or more), I have pains under my belly on each side.  If I stand up for too long, my right side near/under my rib hurts.  I originally thought something had gotten jammed up in there, but now I think there is something stretching from the weight of my belly.  It goes away if I sit down usually.  But, sometimes if I can't sit down, it will spread to the same location on my back.  I have had pain around my belly button off and on, but today I really wasn't sure I would be able to stand up all the way it hurt so bad just above my belly button.  I am not sure if it hurt that bad or if it was just a scary feeling like I was going to pull something.  I am mainly listing these so I don't forget.  They aren't terrible and they aren't constant.

I have had some swelling in my ankles, feet, and hands.  I had some a few weeks ago in both ankles and feet and it went away mostly except some in my left ankle and foot - but not much.  Suddenly this week it is back with a vengeance and my fingers are a bit swollen.  Ick.  One benefit is the ease of shaving when your ankle bones are sticking out, though.  I am definitely going to ask about it.  I took pictures.  I mean, they say you shouldn't worry unless it's excessive.  Well, how much is excessive?  And, if one leg is swollen but not the other, you may have a blood clot.  I read that this morning on google.  Great.  Thankfully, my face is not swelling. 

I will have to post some belly pics when I can get some loaded on my computer.  I haven't really widened out any that I can tell.  My belly is all in the front.  It is kind of amazing how large it looks. 

I love watching my belly jump around as the baby kicks.  A lot of times, the left side of my belly is bigger than the right side.  I am guessing the baby hangs out over there more.

I'll update again soon, hopefully, with a report from my midwife visit, glucose screening, and some pics!

Take care!

Ultrasound Pics

Our anatomy scan went well.  We did not find out the gender.  The ultrasound tech said that everything looked like it was measuring normally.  Whew!  It was a lot of fun to watch the baby moving around in there.

Here are some pictures:



Profile




Two cute little feet!



Time Flies!

Wow!  How is it already February 5?  I had so many posts I wanted to do, but have had no time to sit and type them.  So, this is kind of going to be a condensed version of them all!

I had to change doctor's because the OB that owns the practice I was going to decided she didn't want to have a midwife anymore.  I really want a midwife.  So, I looked around and I think I have ended up in a better practice at a hospital that is much more natural birth friendly.

We are going to the new place tomorrow for our anatomy scan tomorrow!  We still plan to not find out what we are having, but I can't wait to see our little baby again.  One of my friends at church is also pregnant and she had her anatomy scan a few weeks ago.  She has a lot of experience having babies, so this was not her first rodeo.  She said that it's cool  if the baby kicks you while they do the scan because you can see them kicking and feel them kicking.  I hope we get some fun stuff like that!

We are in our Bradley Childbirthing class.  We will finish kind of early, but the instructor said that if we want to re-take some of the classes in their next session, we can.  We had to take it so early because the next one won't end until a couple of weeks after our due date. This class really prepares you for a natural childbirth and teaches a lot of exercises to prepare for childbirth and gives you a lot of pushing positions to try out.  I am glad we are taking our class early so that I have lots of time to practice these things.  I would really like to have a completely natural childbirth with no needles, no nothing.  The hospital we are going to will allow that as long as there are no needs like Group B Strep or any other risks.  I figure doing everything I can to avoid tearing is a huge part of my "no needles" strategy since stitches require needles. (shiver).

My reading list is pretty extensive.  I feel like there is so much to read!  One of my close girlfriends recommended that I focus on having the baby and taking care of the baby for the first month.  I was kind of thinking that, but still felt like we should at least have researched a parenting style and have some sort of general plan.  I had read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.  This was an excellent book that I highly recommend.  I am so glad that it was recommended to me by more than one person.  My husband is reading Husband Coached Childbirth and I think it is helping him a lot.  I have borrowed a few books from a friend from church and will probably buy a couple of them, but I just perused them.  They are The Attachment Parenting Book and The Complete Book of Christian Parenting and Child Care.  Those are both by Dr. Sears.  I am not sure if we'll do 100% Attachment Parenting, but we will probably do some version of it.  I am in the middle of reading (all the way through) Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and intend to read all the way through Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way.  I was also given The Baby Book, which I understand reads kind of like an encyclopedia and you can just read the section that is the age your baby is approaching, so I will read the first little bit of it before the baby comes.  So, it sounds like a lot, but I am really only going to have read all the way through 3 books by the time the baby's here.  I know that a lot of being a mother will come very naturally, but I don't think it hurts to do some studying ahead of time. 

We are rearranging our house to make room for this new little one.  I have probably mentioned that in a previous post.  We had a lot of furniture in our house, mainly because my grandmother was one to want us to take everything she owned.  So, we both took some, but as I had more room, I got more.  So, I gave one piece to my sister that I didn't really need and another piece to my cousin that I also didn't need.   The piece we gave my cousin was a nice sofa table that was in our foyer.  We replaced it with a bookcase that my husband and his dad made shortly before we got married.  We got rid of the mattress and boxsprings that was on our old full size bed and put the frame and headboard up in our bonus room.  In order to do that, we had to clean out our bonus room.  We took an entire pickup truck full of stuff to our local goodwill.  We could probably go through there one more time and get rid of more stuff, but for now, the bed fits.  On a gross aside, when my husband drug the mattress and box springs out to the curb for trash pickup (he had to call for a special truck), within less than 5 minutes the mattress was gone along with an old Christmas tree we couldn't give to goodwill.  That mattress was about 16 years old.  Plus, what if we had bed bugs?  Ick.  Oh well.  Not my problem.

We have our guest bedroom all cleaned out except for the boxes of stuff we had to take off of our big bookcase, and those will have to be moved out for us to paint.  I've emptied off the cubby-style bookcase in our office/craft room and put away all my other craft stuff including my sewing machine.  We are mostly done cleaning off the desk in there.  We have this weekend to get everything cleaned off, clean off the baseboards and anything else that needs to be cleaned, and repair any holes in the drywall.  Next weekend, we have friends coming over to paint.  The next weekend, we have my sister and brother-in-law coming over and my BIL is going to put up our wall decal that is a tree.  This is what it looks like, except our owl is sunflower yellow and the two little birds are blue.  So cute!  We are painting the walls in there a similar color.  We had to move out of the office because it is going to be the nursery and the guest room will be no more as we are moving the office/craft room to the front room which used to be the guest room.  We had a red accent wall in there, which I just don't want in our office, so we are painting that one a light green color.  We have our colors picked out, we just need to go buy all the supplies.

We have three groups of people planning showers for us!  I still can't believe I am pregnant and people are planning baby showers for us!  We are having a church shower, a shower for my family, and a shower for my husband's family.  We are so blessed to have so many people that want to do this for us.

We are still praying for our little one every day.  I so want to meet this little baby and get to snuggle with him or her.  I pray daily that God will keep our baby healthy and allow us the opportunity to raise this baby to seek Him and to put His glory above all other things.

If you are still with me, I am impressed.  Thanks for stopping by!  Until next time...

How We Broke Our News

I know I am a huge blog slacker.  But, what's new?!  I always thought I would be a super blogger if I ever got pregnant.  Does not seem to be happening.  There are a lot of things I wanted to kind of get off my chest in this space.  I think I will have to split this into several posts.  First, I never shared how we told people about our pregnancy.

Of course, we'd told our very closest friends from church the first weekend after we found out, before our second Beta.  We wanted them to be praying for us.  They knew about our struggles with infertility.  That was before we really knew what would happen with the immune issues and whatnot.  So, they told us excited they were but it was much more subdued than it would have been had we not had any worries.  They understood and respected our worries.  But, they have cheered us on the whole time.  We are blessed.

Here's how we told our families: 

We told my sister and her husband first.  We wanted them to know so that we could plan the cruise easier.  Plus, we had originally planned to just wait and tell them the day we left from the cruise then it turned out we would be seeing my dad and his wife and my hubby's sister and her family and his parents all in the same day before we were going on the cruise.  As I am closer to my sister than to the rest of those other family members, I wanted her to know first. We needed to get together anyway because she had lost weight and I had some old bathing suits that would probably fit her.  So, we got together for dinner one night and told them.  We were probably about 8 weeks at the time.  I could tell they were totally not expecting us to tell them that.  But they were excited.  I think my BIL made an "it's about time" comment, but my sister was just truly excited and surprised.  It took a minute for it to sink in, so her facial expressions were hilarious.  Apparently she discussed planning a shower with her husband all the way home and is already planning it now...for April!

Then, after our final RE appointment at 9 weeks, we had the tour of the Marietta/Dallas, GA area where we saw the rest of our families.  I bought a shirt that had a picture of a bun in an oven.  It was cute.  Well, I wore that.  We had brunch with my dad and his wife and I stood around in that shirt the whole time we were fixing brunch.  After we finished eating I finally said, "so, did y'all notice my shirt?"  They were like, yes, but we can't tell what it is.  I said, well, it's a bun in an oven.  They were like "oh" and they laughed.  Then, my dad said "so, are you trying to tell us something?"  And, of course I said yes.  I had the picture from the most recent ultrasound, so I showed them.  They were excited.  I was surprised that my dad didn't just make his nodding, semi smile face that he makes.  He actually got a big surprised smile.  I knew he'd enjoy having a grandchild around after they were here, but I didn't really think he'd show any interest until after that.

We then went over to my husband's sister's house to celebrate her daughter's 11th birthday.  We did gifts at the house then when we were about to leave for dinner, I opened my jacket up so they could see my shirt.  No one noticed.  They are a bunch of talkers anyway.  I thought my husband was going to announce it at the house, but he never did.  So, he told everyone at the restaurant.  Everyone was surprised.  His parents both reacted exactly like I was afraid they would.  They both said things like "it's about time" and "yeah, we only had to wait 9 years!"  I just completely ignored their jerky comments.  His sister asked some questions and then proceeded to spend the rest of the night talking about her pregnancies and advice she had.  She also offered us their crib and then said that she'd give her parents the travel swing that she had so they'd have it there and we didn't have to bring it when we came.  We really don't go to their house that often, and I'd have rather had it here, but I wasn't arguing.  They usually have different ideas than we do.  My husband told me on the way home that night that he intended to have a serious talk with his parents in a couple of weeks in person.  He didn't appreciate the comments they had made to us over the last few years and he especially didn't appreciate the comments they'd made that night.  He didn't want them talking to anyone else like that, like younger people at their church.

The next time my husband talked to his dad, he apologized for what he'd said.  His excuse was that he was so surprised and excited he just said something stupid.  Generally when you're surprised you say exactly what you mean to say.  But, whatever, I appreciated the gesture.  My husband went ahead and had his talk with them.  Luckily I didn't have to listen to this conversation because I was in the shower or something like that.

After that, I asked my hubby if we could tell our pastor and his wife the next day at church because I really needed a good reaction and I knew we'd get a good reaction from them.  They knew about our struggles also and my pastor's wife if uncontrollable when she hears about a pregnancy.  It was exactly the reaction I needed.

Well, those are the main people.  Everyone else had varying responses, but all were positive.  I found that telling people was more stressful than fun.  I was always afraid that people would make rude comments.  But, most people were nothing but excited.

Appointment Yesterday

Yesterday we met with the midwife again.  This was a long visit because I had a big blood draw, plus the pap smear, breast exam, and pelvic exam (not expecting it to be quite to intense, but maybe that's a new thing?). It was supposed to be about an hour and between the number of questions we had which probably added 20-30 minutes to the appointment plus the blood draw issues we had (it was freezing in that office and they had to stick me 4 times and get blood in two sessions), we were there for a little over 2 hours!  But, my blood pressure is normal, my uterus felt like an orange, which is apparently normal, and when she felt for my butt bone, she couldn't feel it, which is a good indicator that my pelvis will not cause me to have to have a c-section as long as the baby is behaving.  Because of the difficulty I had getting pregnant and the auto-immune issues they've discovered, they want to send me a an MFM.  They gave me two choices to choose from and I have to research and let them know.  Our next appointment is right after the New Year and we will do the second part of the Nuchal Translucency Screening.  I am trying not to worry about this and doing a pretty good job, I think.

I think that I am still having a very difficult time believing I will actually bring home a baby.  I am just so afraid something is going to happen and very aware that nothing is guaranteed.  I think that's why I haven't enjoyed telling people as much as I had always hoped I would.  The more people who know, the more people who will ask us how we're doing if something bad happens.  Most people I work closely with know and all of our close friends at church know as well.  It will be in the church bulletin tomorrow.  Our church is small enough that we can list all expecting couples in the bulletin, as well as birthdays and anniversaries. 

I have a very close girlfriend (we are friends with the couple, but she is one of my closest girlfriends on top of that) who had two miscarriages two cycles in a row before they conceived their son, who is now 8 1/2 months old.  She told me that she had doubts about bringing home a baby all throughout her pregnancy too and it really kept her from bonding with the baby and she regrets it a lot.  My problem is, how do you bond with the baby? 

In more exciting news, we went to the Motherhood store today and I got a pair of jeans and I have some clothes in an online cart for Old Navy maternity clothes. I am nervous about ordering so much, but I am ordering two different sizes of jeans since it's free return shipping right now.  I have been having to wear a knock-off bella band every day because I can't button or zip my pants now.  My shirts seems to be getting shorter too.  I wonder if I am showing too soon and gaining too much weight too fast. 

Well, I am rambling now.  Overall, I am thankful to God for all the blessings we have and I realize what a miracle we have.

First Midwife Appointment Today

Today was our first appointment with our midwife.  I really liked everyone in the practice including the midwife.  I had a ton of questions and she answered some of the really urgent ones and then asked if we could save the rest for our next appointment which is much longer.  The appointment is next Friday, so I was fine with that.  So, their measurements brought us to June 12 as the EDD b/c they said we were 11w6d, but they didn't say they were changing our previous EDD from the RE of June 15 during the visit.  I guess I'll ask just to make sure on the next visit.

I told my boss and the VP that I work with closely today.  Yesterday, I told one of the men I work with that I feel pretty close to.  He was really excited and shared some of what he and his wife did and how much he loved being a parent - his kids are grown and married and they are hoping to have grandchildren soon.  It was very encouraging. 

So, here are some ultrasound pics from today.  At first I was really nervous that the baby wasn't moving, but then the lady doing the ultrasound pointed out that we could see the heart moving.  Whew!  Then, she had me cough and suddenly the baby jolted awake and was super active.  We could see that while the baby was sleeping, his little hand was up over his face and then when he woke up, we saw both arms and legs flailing around.  It was very sweet.  Of course, I say "he" in the generic sense because I don't want to say "it" or "the baby" all the time.  We are still not planning to find out the gender of the baby before birth.

Great Appointment!

I was hoping to scan the pictures and post them, but I haven't yet and I don't want to keep waiting to post about our appointment on Wednesday.  Everything was great!  Our official due date is June 15.  The baby looked great.  The heartrate was 182.4 bpm.  We could see his or her little arm waving.  It is amazing how much this little baby has grown in 2 weeks!

When we first found out we were pregnant, we thought we were 5 or 6 weeks.  We googled what size the baby would be and it said it was the size of a grain of rice.  My husband referred to the baby as "Rice, Rice Baby" for several weeks.  Yeah, wow.  :)

We have picked a doctor, for now.  I tried to call today to make an appointment, but they close at noon on Fridays.  So, I'll call on Monday.  We don't know anyone who has been to this practice, but it is small - two OBs and a midwife and I read a lot of good reviews and kudzu and the medical review sites.  They work out of a smaller hospital, but I am okay with that.  I couldn't find many practices in our area that had midwives and could find even less that would deliver at hospitals I wanted to deliver at.  I did not want to deliver at the hospital closest to us - their c-section rate was crazy.  I also did not want to deliver at the baby factory, which is where both my husband and I were born.  I think they handle just too many babies and everything is a bit too routine for my tastes. 

I hope to get an appointment the week we get back from our cruise.  I'd really like to have one more appointment near the 12-week mark.  That way, we'll feel more comfortable telling people at work and at church. 

We are telling both the hubby's parents and sister and her family and my dad and his wife this weekend.  Tomorrow, actually.  I am super nervous.

I am extremely tired and I think I am finally getting a little bit of pregnancy sickness.  I feel fine when I'm sitting down, but as soon as I stand up, I feel slightly nauseated.  Ick.  But, I can't complain, it's not that bad.

Well, I hope you all have a great weekend. 

Time is Flying!

I can't believe it's already been a week and a half since our last visit to the doctor.  We are giong back to the RE on Wednesday.  I am not sure when he'll tell me I have to go to the OB.  I am still looking.  I have found some that look good and plan to take my list to the RE and get his two cents worth. 

I am extremely nervous about picking the person who will deliver my baby.  I would really like to have a natural childbirth.  I have read a lot about epidurals and I know that a lot of people have them.  But, I have read a lot of negative things about them as well.  Additionally, I have a serious fear of needles and the thought have having a huge needle stuck in my spine would give me nightmares before and after.

I personally would like to not even have an IV, but I don't know if I'll find any doctor or hospital that will agree with that.

So far, I don't have many symptoms.  I might have felt a little teeny bit queasy this morning before I ate breakfast.  But, eating took care of that.  I have been feeling a little weird in my head a lot.  I guess it's kind of like vertigo, but not really strong.  I don't have trouble walking or driving.  My boobs are sore and definitely bigger.  DH loves to point this out.  I can feel my jeans getting a bit tighter (yes, I can wear jeans everyday to work - it's one of the perks of working for a technology company).  A friend of mine is going to lend me her bella band in case I feel like I need it before I feel comfortable buying maternity clothes.  I did buy a pregnancy pillow after we had our first ultrasound.  It does keep me from rolling onto my back for the most part.  It's not quite as firm as I'd like, though.  It's amazing how much those things cost!

In other news, we are getting ready to go on a cruise with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece in 2 weeks!  Yes, we will be cruising the Atlantic Ocean on Thanksgiving Day!  I am pretty sure that DH and I made the perfect preparations today by working out in the yard and getting lovely farmers' tans!  HA!  We are going to Nassau, St. Thomas, and St. Maarten.  I was seriously looking forward to doing the water slide over and over and over...but alas, I will happily forego that experience because of the pregnancy.

We told my sister and brother-in-law last Friday.  My sister sort of took a minute to get what I said then I got worried because I thought she was having a stroke based on the expression on her face!  They are very excited for us.

Well, look for an update this week after we have our 9 week OB visit/ultrasound.  Can't wait to see that little baby again and hear the heartbeat!

Good Report!

Yesterday's visit went well.  There is a baby in there!  I was seriously worried about this.  But, whew!

The baby measured 6w5d but the gestational sac measured 7w2d, which is perfectly normal according to the doctor.  So, we went with the average of 7 weeks.  We knew we could not rely on the first day of my last menstrual cycle because I definitely did not ovulate on day 14.  Apparently I ovulated an entire week late, on day 21. 

God's timing is perfect.

We also heard the heart beat!  It was so cool.  Our baby's heart rate is 121.6.

Here is our baby's first picture:

The little fuzzy thing that has the plus signs on it is the baby.  The white blob up a little and to the right a bit is the yolk sac.  If we go with 7 weeks, our EDD is 6/12/13. 

Holy cow!  We have an EDD!

We are really excited.  I am still feeling nervous, and a little overwhelmed and unsure of how to feel.  But, definitely thankful for what God has done.

We are having dinner with my sister and her husband tomorrow night and as we're planning to tell them then.  We are planning the rest of our immediate family the weekend before we leave for our cruise, which will be around 9 1/2 weeks.  I am a little nervous telling them all so early, but it will be hard to get together with everyone before Christmas since we're going to be cruising over Thanskgiving.  And, we want to tell everyone in person.  Plus, we'll have already had another OB appointment at the RE by then.

Now, to find an OB.  Ugh.

Ultrasound Tomorrow!

Our ultrasound is tomorrow!  I am excited, but scared to death at the same time.  I just can't help but think that we are going to get in there and there is not going to be anything there.  The doctor said that I didn't need to continue the intralipids because DH and I aren't sharing...something...to do with immunology. I am going to have to ask about that.  I thought the intralipids were because of my elevated Natural Killer cells.  I am kind of confused.

I won't be seeing my doctor tomorrow though because he's on vacation.  So, I may have to schedule a consultation.

I need to pick out a new ob/gyn.  I have not had luck in this area that past few years...

Prayers please!

Great Report Yesterday

I went to the RE yesterday to get my HCG levels checked.  I went ahead and laid down for the blood draw, just in case and I didn't feel faint at all!  Yay!

Anyway, my HCG is 618!  That's way more than the minimum of doubling twice that I was hoping for.  My nurse said that based on the level, though, I ovulated way late (which is not surprising to me based on what I know of last month).  So, she doesn't want to schedule the ultrasound too early and not be able to hear a heartbeat.  So, we have it set up for 10/24.  Eek!  She said that there is no need to come back for another HCG check until then. 

Oh.My.Goodness!  Y'all, I have an ultrasound scheduled to look at our BABY!!!!

I am still feeling good.  No real symptoms as of yet...

Y'all Are Not Going To Believe This

I'm pregnant.  I am pregnant.  HCG 92.4!

Okay, now that I have told the end of my story, here is the actual story.  Warning:  this is a VERY long post.

I finally heard back from the nurse at the RE's office in Chicago.  Yay!  My Anti Phospholipid levels are normal!  So, since I do have elevated NK cells, she said that I do have to do intralipids before and after embryo transfer during IVF, but not IVIG.  They are both IV drugs (boo), but IVIG is a blood-drug (like, it contains other people's blood) and Intralipids is made from soy and eggs.  So, it a lot less expensive!  Holla!

So, I asked for the Dr. to send me the test results and that took about two weeks.  So, I finally was able to call my RE  here in Atlanta and make an appointment for next Tuesday to discuss the test results and our next steps. 

Then, I realized that I'd been telling DH for over a week that my period was imminent.  I was having cramps, it seemed like it was time, etc...  So, I was asking him, casually, if he could remember if the last time I started my period was the Wednesday before Labor Day or the Wednesday after.  He was pretty sure it was the Wednesday before (so was I, BTW). 

I worked from home on Wednesday, so I had the quiet around me to allow me to think.  And, I finally looked at a calendar and counted days.  It had been 36 days since my last period.  So, I decided if I wasn't bleeding the next morning, I would do a test.

I peed in a little dixie cup because I wanted to have enough for a second test, if necessary.  I only had one "good" test and the other one was one of the freebies you get when you buy ovulation strips through mail order.  The "good" test immediately showed two pink lines.  I checked the expiration date.  No, it wasn't expired.  I went and dug out one of the freebies.  It took a little be longer, but it definitely had a second line too, but it was more faint.  I went into the bedroom and woke DH up and asked if he could come look at something.  (He was not really happy about this at first because on Monday morning I had awoken him to tell him we had a leak in the roof over our closet.)  He was like "wo-ow!"

So, I called my RE's nurse, and she called me back pretty quickly and moved my consult with the RE up to that day (Thursday).  They did blood work and we had the consult.  I passed out, very dramatically, I must add.

We all agreed that we need to do the intralipids even though we got pregnant without medical intervention.  So, there is a Walgreen's nurse coming out here this afternoon to do the infusion.  We were supposed to help some friends paint, but the RE told me I shouldn't go.  DH is going.  He was really worried about going while I was having the infusion, but our friends really need help and the nurse will be here the entire time.  I am nervous about it, but not as nervous as I was before the IV for my egg retrieval.  I that is mainly because since I have been taking Trental and baby aspirin every day for a few months, my veins are much juicier.  But, I am off the Trental since I am pregnant.

I am so amazed at what God has done.  He has orchestrated this entire thing in a way that we have no choice but to give him all the credit.  I mean, it's not like we wouldn't do that anyway, but wow.  Here are the facts:

1.  We JUST found out about the immune issues and the (hopeful) way to deal with them.
2.  I still don't know how I got pregnant.  The week that I would think I'd be the most fertile, DH had a virus.  We were barely touching, much less doing the BD.  Plus, I was working 12-13 hours a day because it's our budget time.  So, even once he started feeling better, I was too tired to be getting frisky.  We did the BD maybe one time all month, and while I don't remember exactly when that was, I think it was past day 19...which is the latest I've ever gotten a positive OPK.  I mean, I didn't even do any OPKs this mont because things were so nuts!  Not only that, but I have only gotten a positive OPK once or twice since the last time I did an IUI.

To God be the glory!

I am very well aware that I am only 5 weeks and that things are still very much shaky.  But, just the fact that I am pregnant is a miracle.  I am going back on Monday for another HCG test.  I wonder when I'll get to have an ultrasound?  Ooh...I'm so excited and amazed!

Still Here...

So, there hasn't really been a lot going on in the fertility corner for us lately.  We had a phone consultation with a Reproductive Immunologist in Chicago that my RE recommended. I am very nervous about her office because they seem very unorganized.  We had the records from my RE's office mailed from there and the records that we had already collected ourselves from every other doctor/specialist/naturopath, my hubby scanned and emailed to them.  We had to fill out medical history forms online and print a different form and write the answers in, sign them, and scan and email them to them.  We get on the phone and she doesn't have the records from my RE.  They were at a completely different office (this practice has several offices).  I felt like that was kind of a huge oversight.  Also, it was very clear that she had not bothered to review any of the records we'd emailed over OR either of the redundant forms that both my husband and me had filled out!  She asked me to list out to her the medicines I was taking.  That is a long list and I told her that I had put that on BOTH of the forms I'd already sent to her and she said, why don't you tell me now.  Then, she once she FINALLY got my records, she realized that there was another test we needed done and she really couldn't answer any of my questions until that one was done.  She didn't explain to me how that would work out since obviously I live in GA and they are in IL.  I thought she was going to send an order to my RE for the bloodwork.  Two days later, a box shows up at my house (with the word Infertility on there more than once, BTW) with the little blood collection vials.  I call my RE's office to make my blood draw appointment and they aren't sure what I need done and can I please call the Chicago Dr. back and verify.  Grrr...So, I finally get someone with a brain that informs me that my Dr. has a nurse.  Thank goodness.  So, I call the office where the nurse is and she actually comes to the phone.  Wow.  She knows exactly who I am and is all "I didn't have your insurance information" so she said I'd have to send payment with the test.  No, I have insurance and filled out that information on BOTH of the forms we gave to you, even though your office will not file with my insurance for me, which pretty much means I will never get that money back.  So, I give her my insurance information and she explains what to do with the box.  I still have not tried to file the claim by the way.  Guess I should do that.

So, that was SEVERAL weeks ago and I have not heard back from the Reproductive Immunologist's office.  I finally had free time at lunch today and called the nurse's office.  Apparently they don't believe in voicemail because the front desk, person said my nurse was seeing a patient and took a message manually.  I never heard back.  If I ever get to speak to this nurse again, I will ask her how I can call and leave her a voicemail without having to worry about whether or not the person who answered the phone actually gave her my message or if she's just not calling me.

I am still taking the jillion pills a day the my RE recommended to boost my immune health.  I don't think that it's helping.  I am trying to diet again and not feeling the motivation I had before.  So, I am not eating right either and I don't know  if it's these supplements, the Prozac, my diet, or just life in general, but I am TIRED all the time.  Like, I keep falling asleep in my boss's office tired.  Like, I have almost fallen asleep on the way home from work and on the way to work tired. 

So, it seems like lots of people are having babies.  All our friends that we see regularly have babies or kids now.  Sigh.  I am tired of feeling left behind.  I know that God has a plan for us.  I wish I felt like I knew what my purpose in life was.

For now, so long.  I'll update if I ever hear back from this RE.

It's Been A Long Time

Hi Everyone.  I know it has been almost three months since I posted.  I am not pregnant.  I think that has been one of the things keeping me from posting.  It was just too much to have to type those words again.

We had a consult with the RE earlier this month and he wanted to do some autoimmune testing before we talked about IVF again.  I was kind of annoyed because a year and a half ago, when I'd failed our first IVF cycle, I asked him about autoimmune issues, and he told me that the testing was a waste because the results could be different every day depending on my cycle among other things.  He had told me that the problem seemed to be my stress.  Well, he did the testing and I have slightly elevated Natural Killer cells, but not enough that he wants us to jump in and spend $20K for IVIG treatments during our next IVF cyle.  I did have pretty elevated numbers of another type of autoimmune numbers (I will find the sheets and post on the exact stuff they tested some other time) and he prescribed Trental and told me to take a baby aspirin every day.  He also had me start on some immune-boosting supplements before he'd even gotten the test results back:  Myo-Inositol, Coenzyme Q-10, DHEA, L-Arginine, and Melatonin.  I will take these for a month then go back to have my levels tested again.  I feel like all I do is pop pills.  Then, my psychologist thinks that I am not getting anywhere with my treatment with her and suggested again that I take anti-depressants.  This led to a trip to my primary care doctor's office.  I met with a new doctor this time and asked her to look at my ears, which had been bothering me.  Apparently I have so much fluid build-up that I may need tubes.  But, to try to avoid that, she prescribed Prednisone (steroid), Augmentin (antibiotic), Zyrtec (allergy meds), and Flo-nase (nose spray) on top of my Prozac.  I am going back to her in a month to see if I can avoid a trip to the ENT.  The number of pills I take every day is ridiculous.

Today is my second day on the Prozac.  Yesterday, I was really sleepy, but I don't know if it was because of that or one of the meds prescribed for my ears.  Being sleepy did not stop me from going to see The Hunger Games.  It was pretty good.  I didn't think it was the best movie I'd seen, but it was good.  I felt like they had to squeeze it into such a short movie that they included all the important events, but the feelings just couldn't be portrayed like they were in the book. 

I had already listened to The Hunger Games on audiobook borrowed from the library.  I put my name down for Catching Fire and Mockingjay when I was done listening to the first one.  I didn't want to get them if the first one stunk or had an ending that really disappointed me.  Mockingjay came in within a couple of weeks, but I was number 80 in the queue for Catching Fire and the library system has 15 copies.  Earlier this week, (2 months later) I was #10 and I got a notice today that it is being held for me!!!  I can't wait to go tomorrow at lunch and pick it up!

Besides that I have been sewing and crocheting.  A lot of my friends are having babies, so I mostly have been making baby gifts - crocheted and sewn stuffed animals, burp cloths, and tag blankies.  I have also been crocheting to give to the Atlanta Pregnancy Resource Center.  I've crocheted a blanket and some booties and hats.  I am not very fast.  I am crocheting some little "tawashis" for my dad's wife, which are like these little wash cloths you can use as dishcloths or to wash your face.  They are fast to make.  I have the stuff to make one of those grocery bag holders from a pattern I found on Pinterest.  I am addicted to Pinterest.

So, I am hopefully going to post more often than every three months now.  I hope you will read and leave comments.  I have a lot more to say, but I figure I have said enough for now.